My long term BF has a bad temper.He is not really physicaly abusive but very verbiley abusive.We he has a blow up he calls me all kinds of names and puts me down.I recently miscaried our 3rd child and it was sad for me.Well today when he had a blow up he told me hes glad i miscared and that if i get pregnant again he hopes that i miscary again.How could someone say that??I dont understand??I was so stuned that he said that.How should i have approched that comment??All i could do was run and hide befor he said something worse!Uggghhh i really hate him now!
2007-11-02 12:52:57 · 26 answers · asked by Amy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
No not 3 miscarriage's.@ live children and 1 lost.And ya my spelling suck's sorry!
2007-11-02 13:02:57 · update #1
Define "not really physicaly abusive."
Any kind of physically abusive is bad. Get far far away if that is the case.
He sounds like a real jerk. You might love him, but don't stay in that relationship if he is bringing you down. You don't need that.
My advice is don't react in anger, but DO approach him about. I wouldn't even stick around if he said those things to me - that's horrible. But you need to talk.
2007-11-02 12:55:29 · answer #1 · answered by scary mary 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to get away from him and get help. His behavior is not acceptable in any way, shape, or form.
I am so sorry for what has happened to you. What he said was not acceptable. Pregnancy should be a happy time for a couple, and then they should be there to support one another in the case of such a horrible event.
He said it because he wants to hurt you, and unfortunately, in this kind of situation, verbally abusive people will try to find the most hurtful thing possible to say. There is nothing that you did that caused it; you have to stop thinking that you are at fault or the reason for his actions.
People say you are supposed to stand up to the abuser, but I know firsthand how hard it is to do that. You have to keep yourself healthy and together enough to be able to keep yourself safe, and if that means leaving then do it.
There are facilities, hotlines, and of course, the police, that you can reach out to, and family or friends as well.
Again, the fact that you said he is 'not really physically abusive' worries me. Either he is or he isn't and even if he isn't, he's still verbally abusing you, which can at times feel worse. It is an abusive relationship, regardless.
2007-11-02 20:04:02 · answer #2 · answered by Steph R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through this for a while before my boyfriend quit drinking. If he is doing this sober he won't stop.
I also had several miscarriages and I am so sorry for your loss and hope you have someone close to talk to about it you should not have to deal with this kind of pain by yourself.
You and all good women deserve better and should not have to be in a relationship like this.I can't tell you to leave or stay that is a choice you have to make. If he his even slightly physically abusive GET OUT NOW woman are killed all the time because of abusive relationships.
2007-11-02 20:03:49 · answer #3 · answered by Trish 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anyone who treats you like that is hard to believe when they say on a calmer day, "I love you". I have dealt with a person with a short fuse before, and the only thing that will help is if he gets help with his anger problem- and only gets the help when he WANTS the help, otherwise its a waste of time. If he refuses to get help or says that he doesn't have a problem, get out. You will end up always walking on eggshells, wondering what his mood is today, and It will eventually ruin your self esteem and happiness- and the security and happiness of your children. I am sorry to hear about your miscarriage, but I wouldn't be having any more children with this guy unless he accepts responsibility for his behavior and the bad treatment that you and your kids have been exposed to and victimized by. Good Luck!
2007-11-02 20:02:11 · answer #4 · answered by Mindy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Behaviors like this usually stem from low self-esteem. He probably has a very poor image of himself, and in turn takes it out on you. Abuse is abuse, whether it be physical, sexual, psychological, or other. If he makes you feel bad, you should not be with him. Wishing a miscarriage on someone is a terrible thing; definitely not the actions of someone who truly loves you. There are plenty of men around who would be caring and kind, and would treat you how you deserve to be treated. My advice is to get out. Abuse tends to elevate over time. It is much more likely that things will get worse rather than better if you stay together.
2007-11-02 20:01:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You had 3 miscarriages? You should consider yourself very fortunate not to have the baby for an abusive guy such as him. He does that to you because he's got anger issues and is abusive and is a bully. Why are you still with a guy who won't marry you but will get you pregnant so many times and abuse you like that; what's wrong with you? Wake up and run like the wind girl!
2007-11-02 19:58:53 · answer #6 · answered by ♥Šωèé†íé♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get yourself out of that situation! If you won't do it for yourself, then think of your 2 kids. It is only a matter of time before his verbal anger and abuse turns physical. It is not a healthy environment for you to be in. As for how you should take his comment about your miscarriage, you should take it very seriously and think about how he may react should the situation arise again. If you do get pregnant again, will he take matters into his own hands and make sure you don't have a third child? I hope that never happens to you, but you need to take care of yourself and your children. Please get help! I wish you all the best of luck in the world!
2007-11-02 20:02:41 · answer #7 · answered by meg 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my goodness sweetie. That is not a good relationship at all. You will not want to hear this but the best thing to do is get away from him entirely. What you are dealing with now will not go away... it will only get worse. Domestic violence is not just physical but verbal and emotional... You need to break that cycle before you can't. It is just verbal and emotional now but if his temper is that bad it will turn physical someday. Take it from someone that knows.
You deserve better than that... we all do!! Please don't deal with that anymore. Read up on domestic violence and the cycle... educate youself now!!
I wish you the best.
2007-11-02 20:00:28 · answer #8 · answered by Me!! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To tell you the truth, I don't really know what to say to you, because I don't know exactly what happened. In my own opinion, I think he's probably blaming you, maybe he thinks that it's your fault why your baby died, I think that that's probably the reason why he hates you that much. You guys have been together for a long time right? So it would probably be absurd to think that he doesn't love you, I think that all of the bad things that he did or say to you, was just his way of grieving. If this is not the case, I think that you should talk or try to understand him, I know that it would be hard for you to approach him, but there's no other choice, if you guys don't fix your issues, your relationship will collapse.
2007-11-04 06:37:57 · answer #9 · answered by Light 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well it souds like he has a problem with controlling his anger, and thats an issue. Its not good what he is doing to you because it puts you down. Seriosly you really dont deserve to be treated that way. One of these days if he gets really bad, something bad could happen. You need to leave him if he doese'nt change..
2007-11-02 19:58:59 · answer #10 · answered by blondie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋