One last one for tonight. Comments OK.?

Question

I am

I am the beast who denies you peace,
I hide in your soul, you cry for release.
I am the darkness of every night,
The one who steals all that is right.

I am the plague that haunts all your dreams,
Beg, borrow and plead, and still you can't scream.
I am the hunter, the reaper of souls,
You are the hunted, as thunder rolls.

I am legion, the keeper of pain,
You are the loser, the one I disdain.
I am the master of all I survey,
You just got lost, what can I say?

I am the beginning, the middle, the end,
You are the beggar, the one who has sinned.
I have come for you, for you and your son,
And after that, I've come for everyone.

Answer 1

FINALLY!!!!!!!! Someone wrote a POEM. A real poem, that looks like a poem, reads like a poem, and sounds like a poem. It IS a poem. Great subject flow, word flow, and rhythm. Great iambic verse. I really enjoy poetry from someone who can write it so well. There are so many who have no idea of meter, of iambs, or of the most simple of the basics and want to write poetry and get offended by the truth. Thank you, that was refreshing.

Answer 2

Siam

I am the feast who grants you no peace
You hide in your soul orange coated reese
Yeyr Utann Karatt Nuark
The one who does all that is wrong
You are the slave that daunts, it's a dream
Chop, grow, and seed; that's all you need
The target the costume, tricked by tricks
I'm not the thunder, I'm not the foals
You are the bulldog of all you 'dar's
She just got lost, rolling her Rs
Why the beginning, the torso, the friend
What is a beggar? Something to lend
You've come for you, for you and your dun
And after all that, you've killed everyone

Answer 3

I am the one, in who's soul you take cover,
I am the one, that years for a lover.
I am the one that cries to be free,
I am the one that looks to the sea.

I be the dreamer, of nightmares you keep,
the one that simply can't wake from her sleep.
I am the hunted, sought out from the rest,
I be the bearer of this soul-less test.

You hold my pain, keep it close by,
and I am the one, that needs the clear sky.
On the road to life, I took a wrong turn,
and now I deserve, the fiery burn.

I hold no beginning, and no end in sight,
the only way out, is to lose this fight.
My life will end, I'll bring other's souls,
until this world is a pile of coals.

Really stressed out for Nanowrimo. Also sick. YA holds true.

Answer 4

I really like this one. It is one of the best I’ve seen from you recently. A couple comments on removing or adding beats to a few lines. See if these very minor tweaks sound better to you:

L2: Consider dropping “I”

L6: Consider dropping the first “and” before plead.

L10: Consider dropping “are”

L11: Consider dropping “the”

L12: Consider adding “so” after lost

L15: Consider making “I have” “I’ve”

L16: Consider dropping “And”

I hope some of that helps.

Best,

Todd

Answer 5

Could be so... I am caught in your poetry, can't help reading all the new poems you write and post here... I am caught in your dark realm of dark poems, dark prince of poetry.
And well, we all have a dark side to our personality... and your poetry expresses that so often... the id, according to Freud, the shadow according to Jung. Only that you don't deny anything about yourself, as opposed to the jungian theory of the shadow.

Answer 6

Sorry this answer is probable slightly previous due. I quite have been on the Alpha path and think of they're meant to adhere to the subject count number and not bypass off into their issues of Mormonism. probable they could have been praying for you if no longer something, and could point out this entire element interior the prayers in the process the path. probable the superb element to assert in the event that they start up on a load of "anti-Mormon" stuff is to attempt to get them back on subject count number. till you start up blatantly attempting to transform others on the path, they gained't throw you off as this is meant to be an open communicate approximately Christian ideals.

Answer 7

WoW! Man

But no one get me...

Awaiting

Dark creeping shadows divers routs thought, through the densely populated wood. Where roots hold on fast to the undergrowth on a steep hill climb.

No one carves names on these trees. Even the mantraps were swallowed up in the undergrowth.

Come, hear the spirit of the wood rustling in the leaves: speaking silent whispers. “Don’t go north! No one comes back who goes that way” There are none here who have shadows.

Listen to her temper, that violent storm - flaring up. Self-denial is rewarded only with emptiness. What you reap is what you sow. Unknown familiar faces shake in the trees where branches creek: but never break.

Suddenly the wind stopped jealously, as something crept up through the rustling rushes. Sprinkled in dead twinkling leaves where flitting bats frighten not the owl, and the ghostly moonlight beckoned this way.

Echoing the wicked witch’s call.

All hearts that were made in an empty mould turned back to clay: in the womb of their mothers’ den. Broken like ceramic dreams, like undisturbed graves, anticipating loneliness and solitude once again. That voice is still out there somewhere still waiting.

Answer 8

I don't consider you, much of a beast..
I sincerely doubt, you disturb the peace.
Poetical attacks, on rhymes glorifying pain...
...isn't that a big word..disdain....
I am the, poetically insane;
pointing out, the beast is tame.

I'll be here, waiting with my soul;
"Who's prey, today?", I lull;
while my Swishers Sweetly roll.

Answer 9

Sounds like lyrics of a dark metal band; metallica comes to mind.

Answer 10

wow. that was so good! it was deep and it felt....i don't know like it has a mysterious dark meaning to it. but not dark as in evil but cool as if wanting to hear more. "i am the beast who denies you peace" i love that line. pure genious.