Is ok for a guy to take baby steps on a 6 year relationship, not married or moved in together yet?

Question

I have been with my bf for 6 years, 3yrs ago he was confused of what he wanted and we broke up, he also started having feelings for a co-worker, were still together left that in the past but now he works in a call center n i hear he flirts n talks to alot of girls!! but i feel like he is taking baby steps in our relationship! by the way hes 22

Answer 1

It sounds as though he may be too young and immature to make any kind of commitment to you. He probably needs to go out with other people and even still he may not be ready for anything in a long time. It doesn't sound like you can trust him very much. I would not settle for moving together because chances of getting married are slimmer unless you don't want to be married. Go with your gut feeling, it takes two to make a relationship work.

Answer 2

So, let me get this straight....you guys started dating at age 16, right? No wonder he's taking "baby steps"! He's only ever dated YOU and he's wondering what he's missed out on which is only natural. Listen honey, I don't care how old he was when you first started dating, 6 years is more than long enough to know whether or not you see a real future, marriage, etc w/ a person. I completely understand why he wouldn't want to discuss that or start planning a wedding right now. He's only 22 for goodness sake! He hasn't even lived or seen much of the world I'm guessing! And you probably haven't either. Stop making your life about HIM and what he wants or doesn't want. Go out and make a fascinating, adventurous life for yourself and get some experiences under your belt before you even THINK of getting married!!! It sounds like the writing is on the wall for you 2 and you just need to admit it. You both need to LIVE more of life, experience other people, grow in your education and careers. Now is the time to do that. If it's meant to be, then perhaps years later, down the line, you will come back together.

Answer 3

Six years is a long time to wait for an answer.

Is he staying around for the benefits & no responsibilities?

Are his intentions clearly stated to you?

How do you feel about the flirting?

I would be really pissed if this was my situation!
I would demand a comitment! And a date

Sounds like he does not have healthy boundaries for himself or others.

Sounds like you are feeling pretty insecure in all this.
How is your self esteem these days?

Mine would have ceased to exist.

I don't think the BF is taking baby steps!
His feet are firmly planted in concrete.
If he does nothing then nothing will happen and he will remain stuck.

Do you want to stay stuck with him?
Only you can answer that.

I wish you the very best in handling a sticky situation.

Answer 4

At 22, guys are still playing the field (with a few exceptions). I say leave him and move on to someone who is interested in only you.

Every relationship is different but I popped the question to my wife about 1 year after we met. We just both knew from day one and were always on the same page. If you don't know how he feels then you aren't communicating. This is a reason NOT to get married and a warning sign.

Leave him and live! You're young.

Answer 5

Guys mature more slowly than girls but six years is a long time! He is still working on it, I see. And I can't see him taking ANY steps. If you feel you want to get married, you need to let him do all the flirting he wants while you move on. Tell him you respect his not being sure what he wants but you want a permanent relationship and that you're going to move on. Tell him he is not to contact you in any way unless or until he makes up his mind. Then if you're still free and if you're still interested in him, you can discuss it. Until then, so long, adios and there's the door.

Answer 6

He's 22 and been in a 6year relationship?! Honey, you need to let this particular bird fly!
He needs, and i'm sure you do, to sow those wild oats. Why feel the need to commit to someone -marriage, living together, boring bills- when you barely know who YOU are yet? What YOU want to do?

I have to be blunt but you need to realise he wants out but is too weak to tell you for fear of your reaction, perhaps.
If he's cheated on you and is flirting with his workmates, that is not the action of a man who wants to live the rest of his life with you.

Judge a man by his actions, not his words
Wise up and good luck

Answer 7

Ok, REALLY, girl! Don't mean to say it like this, but you must be stuck on stupid. #1: he is 22, he is nowhere near ready to settle down w/ 1 girl, even he might tell you otherwise. The reason that he might tell you otherwise, is so that you can be the "old reliable" one to go to for sex or whatever, if nobody else is available. And really, it's not his fault, that is NORMAL for a male his age. But past this, have some confidence and pride in yourself! You are better than to let someone string you along like that. YOU DO NOT MAKE YOURSELF ATTRACTIVE BY BEING A DOORMAT! Don't be dumb.....don't let him have his cake and eat it too. You LET him flirt and have feeling for other girls and then you reward him by having sex w/ him?? Believe me, you really DO treat people how to treat you....so if he is treating you in ANY way less than you feel you deserve to be treated, that is YOUR fault! Dump him and you'll find out if he really wants to be with JUST you or not!

Answer 8

Can I say I believe we all flirt sometime, I tell my gf that its ok to window shop (both ways m/f). Its human nature to admire others, a way of appreciation/respect. Long term relationships with out marriage do work. It builds more of a empathy in trust and friendship even as adult lovers. Finnaly to answer your ? baby steps!!! Its up to personal wants and desires. I have never tried the above seperated living standards. Maybe this is the answer in NEW AGE relationships, with care and consideration. Especially now with internet affairs.

Answer 9

I think he is taking baby steps towards someone else, if a relationship past 2 years and you r not married, there is a problem and what i see is a major trust issue from your past with him, do really want to marry or be with a man whom you do not trust, search your sole and find your answer.

Answer 10

He is only 22 years old.. mysteriously you both might already be married... remember the only thing marriage is .. a contract made out of wood of the government which is the same as the church...

if you both are already committed whom cares about the extra money for you all to get hitched..

oh and consider those women "witches" that has your boyfriend/husband trickly/mysteriously having him talk to them all... seriously.. no joke