my husband works alot, but in his free time chooses his friends over his wife.?

Question

i have been with my husband for 8 yrs, he thinks his money is his and my money also is his. he puts his family and needs before mine he works alot of hours, and when he is not at work he chooses to spend more time with his friends than his wife. he only hears what he wants to hear and not the word no until he gets his own way. he dosen't help me with stressfull situations. untill i have had enough and then when he trys to help it's too late i am allready upset, why dont he care? or listen to me when i am trying to help the realtionship? is he not trying? please give me some advice.

Answer 1

I would do what mmcnum1fan said, as plan A and if that does not work, then go to Plan B.

---------------Plan B-------------------------------
Put your foot down and stand up for yourself.
He will keep treating you the way he does because you allow him to. Once he sees you change up the routine, he will scratch his head and wonder what is going on with you.
Guys don't respond to words but action. Let him know that putting you on the back burner is unacceptable and no longer tolerated. Let him know that those days of taking you for granted is over. Take back control over your life.
Stop allowing him access to your check stubs or money.
(My momma always said, "if you want to hurt a man, hit em' in his pocket book.") Make him pay for his own things.
Make him do his own laundry or he can send his crap to the cleaners. It will cost him money.
Start by getting your own P.O. Box and bank account if you haven't already. Have your cell phone bills and bank statements sent to your P.O.Box.
Everytime he pulls that crap by hanging out with his friends, start getting ready to go out yourself. Why should you stay home and wait on him? If your husband is at home and says, "I'll be back later, I'm going out with my buddy."
Say, "That's fine honey, then smile, get up and go to your closet and pull out some sexy clothes and undergarments to wear that you have not worn for him in a long time. Lay them on the bed for him to see. Draw a bath. Let him see you put on some sexy stockings and he will start to wonder where it is your going, especially all dressed up. He may ask, and you will reply gently and say, "I'm going to go out and hang out with the girls."
Spray yourself with your perfume in the unforbidden area in front of him. -That'll get his marbles going.
Put on your stilettos and head for the door. By the time you are all dressed up, he may change his mind about going out with his friends and not let you leave. (wink wink)
Start keeping yourself busy by taking up new hobbies. Take up some dance lessons. You will enjoy it. I'm sure your hubby expects for you to have dinner ready so what you do is leave a t.v. dinner in the oven for him. Leave a sticky note that says, "Help yourself, warm up your own food."
(If you want to piss him off, add: "I'm out doing my own thing for a change.")
BE STRONG. STICK TO YOUR GUNS. -YOU CAN DO THIS. It's about time you turn the tables and let him know he cannot take you for granted.
When you are out, let his phone calls go to voicemail.
This is your time to bring yourself back up and show your independence.

There is this book my friend bought for me.
It is called "Why Men Love Bit*hes," -From Doormat to Dreamgirl / A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship ; by Sherry Argov

You can find it at Barnes & Noble. It is really interesting.
-Keep your Head up.

Answer 2

what your man needs is a reality check.

it's not that he doesn't care, it's that he doesn't understand.

I think you two need to start dating eachother again. Have a once a week date to hang out, be romantic and get to know eachtoher again. This really could be the start of a beautiful marriage.

He needs to be "inlove" with you as well as loving you. At the moment that isn't there.. so rekindle that spark by having fun together.

If every time he does choose to be with you you both talk about the relationship and have serious talks, instead of fixing the problem he'll overlook it.

At work life is rather superficial. With friends you don't have to worry or feel anything when you're just having fun. I think he's avoiding the seriousness.

Make your marriage fun and he'll return to it with interest. A once a week date will do wonders. Then, additional to the date, have the serious talks. When he's relaxed and ready. Ask him "i need to talk with you about something very serious this week when you get a chance. How does Tuesday evening sound?" and make the appointment with him.
Once you've had the discussion, end it. Make love and feel the passion.

Don't bring up the problems again for a few weeks, as they will hopefully be on the mend. And try to enjoy YOURSELF instead of stressing...

There is strong hope for your marriage, it just needs a little rekindling xx

Answer 3

I have a similar situation and I know it's hard, but if you love this man and want to be with him you have to hang in there..and if there are kids involved you must try to keep the home in order. Women are stronger than men any day of the week and they don't know how to be considerate of any ones feelings but there own. They are not the best communicators and they have to be coached, sounds crazy but it's like being his mother and they have to be redirected. If things get to bad you have to take him back to when you fell in love and if that does not work, you have to make him wonder why you stop caring and may have to make some changes for yourself. The worst thing you can do to a man is make him feel not wanted and needed, they same way they make you feel. Hang in there and stay strong because all good things come later in life. Best regards. Live to Love and Love to Live..Make yourself happy at all costs and be prepared of what all cost may bring.

Answer 4

Damn, is his name Jeff? Lol. This sounds exactly like my ex. I was with him 9 years and he worked 7 days a week for like 5 years. Only time he took off work was to go to Redskins games or NASCAR races. He often went out with his stupid friends but wouldn't even come to the park with us (me and the kids). I tried for those last 5 years to make him listen to me but he never would. I kept telling him I was going to leave him but nothing worked. I even cheated on him once and while it made him angry, he never saw it as the wake-up call other men might have. Well, finally I left him and I left for good. I am married to another man and he still wants me, even though it's been like 4 years. He says I should have given him "time to see the light." I said that I did and he never saw it. The end. Your guy will never change either.
Let me guess: he attaches no importance to what you say, nitpicks at you all the time, acts like you do nothing compared to what he does, controls all the money, won't let you go anywhere and generally treats you like you're nobody, right? He will never change. It's just who he is. Don't make the mistake I did. Realize it now.
EDIT: I have to disagree with chilly. It IS that he doesn't care. He takes you for granted. No matter how much you tell him, he has not listened and he won't. Life is too short to be miserable. I'm so much happier now it's unreal. My husband appreciates me. It's so nice not to be ignored.

Answer 5

It sounds like you and your husband are having quite a few issues, I am sorry to hear that. My suggestion would be, first try to seduce him, try to make him more interested in you. If this works you will have more of a opportunity to involve him in other issues such as your finances and so on. What I am explaining will take alot of work on your part but if it works it will be well worth it. If it does not get his attention and he still chooses to focus his free time else where then it seems your in a marriage with yourself, you don't deserve to be ignored. So if he does not respond then you need to make it clear he has a ultimatum, either be more attentive or get out and leave the relationship.

Answer 6

Well men hear what they want to hear regardless of whether or not he's hangin' out with his friends. I would suggest not having any children because that would only complicate the relationship. Also, start hanging out with your friends or get a hobby so that you're not focused on what he's doing or not doing. Maybe sit him down before he goes anywhere, or when he can't get away and tell him how you're feeling. Let him know that it's unfair and selfish without being angry. If he doesn't want to change then maybe it's time to see a counselor

Answer 7

This is the way he is and until something happens to make him change he will not. Stand up for yourself and demand what you want. Deney him simple things around the house that he expects until he does stuff for/with you and the kids. Simple little things out of place can get annoying quick. When he wants you to do things just say ok and do not manage to get to them. Keep doing these small things until he ses your side. Spend time with your kids and other places without him while he is at work.

Answer 8

communication is the key to any marriage/relationship. Does he know how you feel? Have you two sat down to talk about things? He needs to know that hes hurting you by ignoring you and your feelings. Let him know that if he wants your marriage to work, some things need to change around there. You deserve better than to be treated like that so let him know. Put your foot down. I've been where you are now. You feel lonely and your husband is supposed to be there for you TIL DEATH DO U PART and hes not and its a crappy feeling.

Let him know how you feel and tell him to respect it!

Answer 9

"A man's most important responsibility in life is to be the guide, protector, and provider for his wife and children."
Purchase the book "Man of Steel and Velvet." by Aubrey Andelin. It has to do with what being a man is all about. He probably won't read it. So read it yourself and enlighten him whenever he's neglecting you. Click on Bookshelf
http://fascinatingwomanhood.net/

Answer 10

after this many years of this, it isn't going to change. why would u put up with this and settle for such a looser who avoids u like the plague. time to move on to better things. he doesn't try because he don't care.