This question is for married women or men only please?

Question

Ok, I asked this simular question about a month ago, and here I am asking again! About 5 months ago I caught my husband (of 2 years) whacking off to porno on the internet, I found out cause I looked at the history button, and saw a bottle of K.Y., and a bunch of tissues, I confronted him, although I had put two and two together, and he denied it, and insisted he was innocent until I showed him what I found, then he apologized, and swore he would never do it again, I asked about what I should do on here at the time, and it was suggested that I tell him, it's ok if he look's but next time let me join in if he wants to do this, and I did, I looked at it with him and pleasered him as he looked so that he would'nt do it behind my back. Then about 2 weeks later I caught him again! He cried and pleaded for me to forgive him ( yes again) and swore no more, well, I went to work early at 6:00am, and when I got home, I found my history button full of porno ! to be continued...editing more.

I called him at his job ( on his cell) and asked if he was on the internet this morning as soon as I left, and he said absolutely not! I am really pissed and have not even told him I know agin ( for the third time) what should I do? I am really hurt and pissed off right now, and am trying to calm down, please any honest suggestion would be helpful!

And yes, our sex life is great, I do what ever he wants in bed, and we do it often, I try to do anything to please him, and even do stuff I don't even enjoy just to make him happy, even though he is often selfish in bed at times, I am just scared about what is happening and these feeling I am feeling right now, I have never been the "jelouse" type, and never had this problem in my last marrige or any boyfriends I ever had, and I do love him, but this makes me feel like sh*t, and like he want's some movie or porn star to make him "get off" and not me!

Answer 1

Well, I'll probably be one of the few who tells you that I think that porn is a disgusting, degrading and highly immoral choice of entertainment for ANY married person. I just love those answers of, "if you can't beat him, join him" or "all men are like that". B.S.! And I'll tell you why I think that. My husband of 23 yrs used to look at porn a long long time ago, and the only reason I found out was because I stumbled into his magazine, (he had one, lol) but I felt so shocked and dumbfounded because I had no idea he looked at that. I was crushed, because like your situation, our sex life was fabulous! So, I couldn't understand it. because of that experience, I set out to PROVE to him how deeply hurt and offended I was by him doing this behind my back. First, I figured out that the reason my husband hid it is because, IT'S WRONG! You don't have to hide decent and good things! Next thing, if he even wanted to contemplate a future with me, then he was going to know that the FINAL authority (being God in Heaven) thinks it is wrong too. Now, I don't know if you are a religious person at all, but I would assume you take your marriage vows seriously. How fitting it was of Jesus to say in Mathew 5:27, 28 "YOU HEARD THAT IT WAS SAID, 'YOU MUST NOT COMMIT ADULTERY' BUT I SAY TO YOU THAT EVERYONE THAT KEEPS ON LOOKING AT A WOMAN, SO AS TO HAVE A PASSION FOR HER, HAS ALREADY COMMITTED ADULTERY WITH HER IN HIS HEART" If a man looks at a woman that way, he is imagining the act, and therefore committing adultery. Believe it or not, that one scripture was what changed the course of our marriage. That was many years ago. Today, pornography has become so normalized, along with every other sexual depravity. These same men who say: I'ts a guy thing and leave him be, blah blah blah, I wonder if they would be so quick to want to view THEIR wives or daughters or Mothers in this way! I kind of doubt it. All I know is, it ROBS a marriage of true intimacy. I doubt if my husband would appreciate me drooling or ogling over STRANGE men. I don't think his ego could take it, lol He (your husband) may very well be under alot of stress for whatever reasons, but THIS is NOT the HEALTHY or LOVING way to relieve it. You've got to make him understand that it's the trust and respect that you have lost because of his actions, and if he values your marriage, (which it sounds like he does because he acted remorseful) then he will find a way to fix this problem HE has. It really doesn't have anything to do with you. Most men just don't know how deep it can hurt a woman who has morals and values. I really hope for your sake, that he sees the light. TC

Answer 2

Hi! I totally understand that you felt betrayed 'because he lied about it have you ever thought that maybe he's totally embarrassed and don't want you to think that's he's a freak...But I think that if he already confessed maybe you should open your mind a little bit stop searching, and looking around, first you should be trusting him, and second I don't think there's anything wrong in watching some porn in the Internet. There's nothing harmful in that...For instance I thought I'll never do something like that it until I got married, I didn't had sex for about a week and a half and suddenly I found myself watching porn in the Internet, my husband doesn't know about it and I'll feel really embarrassed if he found out, but I'll be pissed to found that he's checking my stuff...Trust him and ask him what it is that makes him look for porn in the Internet his honest response may surprise you...Good luck

Answer 3

It's a very difficult question! If your sex life was suffering it would be more of a slap in the face.

But I understand that it's probably not so much the pron that's worrying you, but the fact that he lies and does things behind your back. He obviously can't help himself, and this is what you need to deal with. The addiction, not so much the porn.

Sit him down and tell him that you are seriously concerned that he has this uncontrollable need to do what he does, so much so that he's prepared to betray you by doing it behind your back and then lie about it too. Tell him that he needs to get help, and that you'll go with him if necessary, because if it doesn't stop you're not prepared to live with it. (If it is a deal breaker for you).

Good luck =D

Answer 4

Obviously, you are a woman that is hurt by porn.
You cannot stop this man from doing it, and I hate to say it, Honey, but about 98.9% of them do. ( If they told the truth.)
I grew up with guys and they will tell you that they do not look at it as something they are doing to "cheat on you", or "hurt you".
They just have this stupid visual thing going, and they apparently can't help themselves. According to most men, this does not make them love their spouses any less. They liken it to us drooling over new shoes before we buy them. Having said that, I will say this. YOU have to decide what YOU'RE going to do. A person that is this drawn to porn will not stop. They just don't. You either have to let it go, and learn to blow it off as some stupid thing he does, OR...
if you don't like it, decide if it's a deal breaker for you and let him know what the consequences are, and then STICK TO YOUR GUNS. I will also insert here that I feel your pain. "Been there, done that". He's NOT going to change, Hon. He can beg, plead, cry all he wants. It's just a stupid thing men do. They don't see that if makes us feel "less worthy" to them or that we cannot measure up when we see the perfection they seem to be obsessed with. They see it as no big deal. Really. Also, good luck finding one that DOESN'T. My husband does it, my friends do it, my brothers do it. Heck, even my 62 year old FATHER still does it. You gotta learn to detach from it. Good luck.

Answer 5

i was like you at first when we first got married . but think about wouldn't you rather for him to watch porn than to go out and cheat. i use to work night shift and my husband loves sex he will get an attitude if we go three days with out having any.yet i am tired from time to time. girl let that man watch that porn. it has nothing to do with you being good in the bedroom. a man thinks about sex every day and every minute of the day if he could. it is not a bad thing.if you ready to leave your husband over porn. you shouldn't feel that way. it could be a lot worse.

Answer 6

You need to tell him exactly how you feel about this. Tell him that it makes you feel as if he would rather have some porno chick get him off rather than you. You feel excluded and unappreciated in bed. Tell him how you feel and that you don't like it at all. You have to talk to him face to face.

Other wise you two are going to trash your marriage because of this situation.

Answer 7

Porn can be addictive (just like a lot of things). Some men enjoy porn more than others regardless of how much sex they are having with their loved one. He may grow out of it (maybe it gets boring after a while)(I can't understand why he so dumb that you can catch him - unless he wants you to catch him). Just realize that watching porn has nothing to do with you - if it starts to interfear with your life - then there is a problem. Then deal with it.

Answer 8

Good question, I think you have to let boys be boys. Relax and just let it go. Erotica is not a bad thing. I think if you ignore this issue it will resolve itself. I'm not being a smart @ss either. I really think if you turn the other cheek it will be ok. I have a buddy, (wink) that has been caught and his wife was pissed but I think she practices the "Don't ask, Don't tell" policy. I think you will be fine.

Answer 9

your husband might not like you any more or he is addicted to sex which is not good for a married man if you want to do some fink then there is only or two solutions and that is go on holidays for a long time so he forgets about everything or shut down your internet. if you realy need the internet then block the sites that you dont want him to go on. if you cant block them then call your internet provider and tell him to block those sites for you.. hope this will help

Answer 10

Exactly...Jesus, ladies. Guys beat off. Married. Single. Young. Old. Gay. Straight.

Get over it. It isn't about you. It isn't that we don't love you or don't care about you, blah, blah. It's instinctual to want stimulation and variety is instinctual, like it or not. It's simply visual stimulation.

If you have a good sex life, then, for god's sake, relax and be thankful that you have a husband that wants to still bang you.

If he was interested in someone else, he would have an affair. If he just wants to beat off in 2 1/2 minutes, he will whack to some porn. It's a stress reliever.

Wow....thank god my wife is secure with herself and our marriage. Excuse me while I go look at some porn then go sleep with my wife.