Wife dying of cancer?

Question

Am I a cad to lust for one of my neighbors my wife should of been dead at least 6 monts ago as per the DR's and has cancer for over a year now. I have been the good husband doing what she deserves to have done because of my love for her but when i see my neighbor I want to go and ask her out for lunch. The only thing that keeps me sane is that if the shoe was on the other foot I would not mind her doing it. I will take care of her to the end but if I lose the opportunity to connect with this person i think i might lose twice pls help with some decent answer's I don't need any wise (__l__) 's !!! ty

Answer 1

Actually I think it's OK to lust for your neighbor, don't we all find other people attractive other than our spouse? The issue is that by approaching her now, you will essentially be betraying your wife. You don't really know if the roles were reversed how you would feel, you really don't because no one knows until they have walked a mile in another's shoe. How many times have you surprised yourself by reacting in a certain situation in such a manner that you thought you never would? See my point. You made vows to your wife and you should honor them. Be an honorable man, not one who's just seeking 'connection' with a hot neighbor.

Answer 2

It may not really be lust for the neighbor but just someone to be there to talk to. If she is not married and you stay just friends, then fine, go to lunch. She may even perhaps be able to help care for your wife if she is at home with you.
On the other hand, if your wife is able to get around, concentrate on doing things with her because that will be the memory you are left with. A friend's wife was dying of cancer and was only given a short time to live but she made it another two years, they were able to make a trip to Hawaii that she had always wanted to make and did other things to leave him with the good memories he has now
You are in a dreadful place at this moment and any thought of another person may be your way of dealing with that fact. I fear that if you become anything more than friends with this other person, if your wife loses her battle, or when she loses it, you may feel a guilt that you didn't do something, anything, different in her last days. If you keep this other woman as just a friend though, she will wait for you if she is any good at all and may be able to comfort you and perhaps even be able to be a friend to your wife as well and then you will still have time for romance after your wife is gone. The neighbor woman may even think less of you if you try to have a romance while your wife is dying and more of you if you keep her as a friend and support your wife as long as possible. Good Luck to you!!

Answer 3

I can answer this question respectfully because I have lived through the experience.

In October 2002, my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She was given 3 months to live, but less than a month later she died. Almost 6 weeks TO THE DAY later, her so-called "devoted" husband had another woman LIVING IN MY MOTHER'S HOUSE!!!!!! I was hurt and offended, to say the least. That man burned all his bridges with my family.

So, in short, yes, you are a bit of a cad. You should stick by your wife, love her till the end. When she does pass on, mourn for a SUITABLE time, then pursue the relationship with the neighbor. If this woman is interested in you, she will wait.

Answer 4

From a wife point of view, I'd be hurt that you could think you need to act on a neighbor. Especially if you say "she should of been dead 6 months ago" almost like you are disappointed she's still going .. that's just my take based on your wording.

But doesn't the neighbor live there?! How would you lose a chance if she's close.

Now if you are needing someone to vent to, you probably do, but lust isn't the way to vent.

And in answer to your question, yes.

Answer 5

No though I don't think the people on here are going to be very forgiving for you asking. I can see why a man would want a female companion during this time. For anything else so difficult in life, we run to the ones we love, but in this case how do you shoulder the burden alone? It's hard to watch someone we love die, and even harder still when we have needs. It's such a prolonged illness and so devastating that a man might want someone to talk to, distract from the situation, even find close physical comfort with. But nevertheless, it is wrong, and your wife would very much need you. Later on in life you will feel so much guilt for running away and not being with her when you still had time and she needed you most. I could never cheat on my future spouse for any reason. As a future spouse, I might encourage my partner to find a loving, caring woman to take care of him, though... just not until I had died.

Answer 6

I know you are going through a tough time and scared but you need to remember Your vows for better or worse till death do us part. Love her and take care of her so you do not have any regrets. To be honest If I was your neighbor and knew your wife was on her death bed and you asked me out I'd tell you to drop dead and really think the worst of you.

Answer 7

What the hell is worng with stop looking for other women stay with your wife until the end and stop being such a man have a heart. Take care of her. Be with her and when she is dead then do what ever you want to do. This is the hardest thing she is going through and you need to give her all your support that you can.

Answer 8

your right maybe you can get her to go to the funeral with you that would be a fun date. Look your wife deserves to have your love until her end. If i knew that in my last few months my husband was just waiting for me to go to go after the other woman. I'd know I was dieing truely alone because not even my husband heart could stay true to me

Answer 9

i'm sorry to hear about your wife.
i think your wife might be going through enough at the moment without seeing you with the next door neighbour.show a little compassion and empathy it must be hard and i am not judging but it all sounds a little selfish to me.you seriously wouldn't care if you were dying and your wife spent her last days with the nice neighbour next door?!also with what you're going through it's prob not the best time to be seeking another relationship,just enjoy what you have left with your wife and one day if it's meant to be you can have your connnection with the neighbour.

Answer 10

You sound like such a wonderful man. Your wife is dying and suffering with cancer over the last year and your looking to screw your neighbor. I am sure you make your children proud.

Men like you deserve to be cremated when they die and there ashes sprinkled at the garbage dump.