How is it?

Question

“Stormy Night in August”
By Ashley Kalar


Gray clouds rolling by
Wind whipping past
I just sit there
Watching it blow the grass

Leaves rustling in the wind
Listen to that thunder rumble
Watch the trash go by
Wind making it tumble

Look at the thin white mist
Falling to the ground
The winds whistling through the leaves
Making them turn around

Watch the ground begin to flood
Rain on the roof going ping, ping, ping
Pouring on the torn up fields
Making a huge mud ring

Then comes the calm
At the end of the storm
Every thing is normal
Back to the norm

Answer 1

It's nice, but I wanted to be taken a little further into the storm.

Answer 2

This could have been very good if only you had stayed with one meter(rhythm) throughout. Meter is important in poetry, and especially in rhyming poetry. Count syllables and keep the syllable accents on the same beat as much as possible. Always would be preferred, but sometimes it just won't work that way and still convey the same meaning, but try.

Answer 3

it is good to see a poem posted here which is actually about something. you have looked at the storm. you said what you saw. this is one way to write a poem.

what you saw didn't surprise me: you didn't show me anything i never saw before. so it was a real poem, but not one i shall still remember this time next year.

this is certainly way in advance of 99% of what gets posted here, but i think if you want to go further you should find a board where people can actually discuss poems.

there are quite a lot of such boards; i shall post a link to one i like.

you are probably worth it.

Answer 4

cool, very nice....better than the one i wrote (: