me and my boss have a great relationship. he is happily married with kids and so am i. we always go to lunch together and talk about anything and everything. there is absolutely nothing between us.....only friendship. I am 28 and he is 53(looks really good for his age). today when we were out to lunch (we go to lunch together at least once a week) he mentioned that there is a stripclub couple of blocks away from where we work. he thought it would be really fun if we went there for lunch. and asked if i wanted to go. i didnt say anything. i dont think that's appropriate. what do you think?
i think its wrong and i am not planning on going...also, i know for a fact that my husband would agree with me that's inappropriate and would not want me to go.
p.s. by boss is an attorney and i am his secretary
2007-11-02 09:02:14 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i know it's wrong/inappropriate. and i am not going to go. but i just wanted to know what others thought of this situtaiton.
2007-11-02 09:58:37 · update #1
nah, don't go. You should realize that your boss, although the two of you are chummy and pally, is STILL your boss. As such, the relationship should still be professional and have standards and limits.
Plus, I suspect your boss may be trying to have a fling with you. He may be trying to see what you would be down for or willing to engage in. I bet if you went to the strip club, he'd push even more buttons.
So, for the sake of your job, sanity and peace at home, politely decline. You've a lot more to lose than a lunch at a strip joint.
2007-11-02 09:07:51 · answer #1 · answered by David C 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I was a secretary for an attorney once, and he was married and he made passes at me and even wanted to see my tan lines!!!! Creep!!!!!
Sure, there is nothing between you, I am reading on....only friendship, ok, still reading on...sounds like a sugar daddy to me, someone with a lot of money and a lot of power too!!!
Now to the strip club, ok...so you thought it would be fun if you went with him?? Hello, he is married has a wife and kids, and ditto for you also!!!! Can't you see the red flag?? If not, you are totally blinded by his money and his power!!!! Can't you hear all the whispers in the office????
What do I think??? Hello, he is married has kids and so do you, and how do you think his wife will feel about this, and do you ever wonder if she knows about you and "the big guy" doing lunch all the time, and do you tell your husband this???
I do lunch with my husband, honey, and no one else! To me, that is the way it should be, I do lunch with women, but not any men!!!! JMO and only JMO.
Oh, you think it is wrong, ok, why did you ask the question then???
You already know the answer, I think enough is in jeopardy here, like his marriage, your marriage, office gossip, your kids finding out, his kids finding out, your husband finding out, and his wife finding out!!!!!
2007-11-02 09:24:53 · answer #2 · answered by carriegreen13 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This would be enormously inappropriate. Why do you even have to ask? For that matter, why do you have to mention that your boss looks great for his age. As long as I'm wondering, why do you have to wait until the second to last sentence to mention your gender, and wait until the last sentece to mention your professional relationship?
If you hadn't told me there was nothing going on, I might think that you were considering making "something" go on. Be careful where this business association is heading, because it sounds like he's interested in a lot more than how fast you can type and how well you can file.
2007-11-02 09:12:19 · answer #3 · answered by ye_river_xiv 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think this is a difficult situation for you. On one hand you like him, you enjoy his company, and I suspect, you would be sexually attracted to him if you were not married.
I think it's best not to stress out about this. If you tell your husband, he will tell you not to go; which is something that you know. I am not saying do not tell your husband. In fact, I think it would be better if you can have a nice talk with your husband about your relationship with you and your boss; but I'm not sure if you are ready for this either. I believe this is because, you and your boss have a close relationship, and your husband could be jealous.
I think you should look at your contribution to your relationship with your boss. This will help you decide what to do.
If you decide to have sex with your boss, I suspect that he will want more than sex just once; in otherwords, he will want it on occasion, and perhaps even want you to go to hotels with him. And the problem here is, you will feel more pressure to do it; one you may like it, and two, he is your boss, so he has power over you.
If you decide not to do it, take your time, and be careful on whether to offend your boss or not. He could feel that you lead him on. I'm not saying that you did, but take a look at your actions, and try to correct them if you do not want a closer relationship with your boss.
I do not judge people's sexual desires or experiences. Sex is a very powerful drive, and people will find a way to express it. Maybe you want variety, I do not know. I suspect that you love your husband, and he loves you, so, keep this going if possible.
Take care.
2007-11-02 10:00:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Three issues going on:
1st: I like to keep my personal and professional life separate. Going some place like a strip club is very personal in my opinion.
2nd: Going to a place like that with a guy, especially not someone that you are dating or married too is weird and may give him a completely wrong impression. I also think it was poor judgment on his part to even bring it up to you especially since he is your boss.
3rd: As a woman, I just don't advocate places like that. I know that those girls are doing the best they can and that they are working and earning money but I also know people who run places like that often exploit those women and the men that go there exploit the women as well. So I would never spend a dime or a moment of my time supporting a place like that.
2007-11-02 09:13:33 · answer #5 · answered by wondermom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
there is nothing wrong with having some lunch together on a time to time basis as long as thats all it is and nothing more and if you have a suspsicion that your boss may want to try and take this farther then you should say something and put the lunch time deal to rest once and for all ........ as for the strip club deal your not there to have a good time and make a date out of it have a quick lunch and get back to work for the pay check at the end of the week .....
2007-11-02 09:12:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes this would not be a grea idea. Although you are seeing this as a innocent boss/ secretary relationship, your boss has apparently began to let his mind go other places. He, as a married man, understands and knows that it would not be appropriate, but if you are to accept this invitation, it tells him - a man- that you are seeing him as more than a boss as well. Men, as happily married as they may seem, are still men. You must not forget that and you must also remember that these seemingly innocent lunches makes a man think you are interested when you spend ample amounts of time with him. Do not attend this. For the sake of your marriage, your kids, your job, and your respect.
2007-11-02 09:08:52 · answer #7 · answered by cassiecbutterfly 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow....
Congrats on the great relationship with the boss, BUT, you need to ask your hubby if its ok to go to this strip club, or call your bosses wife and get the ok....
There might not be anything going on right now, but if you give him 1/2 a chance, you'd have a big messed up case... He's interested in you, and sounds likewise.. How would you like your hubby going to lunch with another female EVERYDAY??
Not even believing I answered this question.
2007-11-02 09:13:45 · answer #8 · answered by sunflowergal 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes I agree very wrong for you both. I even think its very wrong getting that personal with your boss anyway. Just seems like theres a connection there that you might be missing from somewhere else. That's just my opinion. What does your husband think of your relationship with your boss? Are you hiding anything from him or does he know everything?
2007-11-02 09:07:31 · answer #9 · answered by Coopdawgg 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's thinking of you in a sexual way honey - PERIOD. You may think there is only friendship between you but he's thinking with his crotch. He's trying to make it sound all casual and completely innocent but his goal is to see you in a sexual environment and he's hoping that'll be the beginning of you starting to see HIM in that way. You are already somewhat attracted to him or you wouldn't even bother mentioning that "he looks good for his age." You can say friendship all you want but the 2 of you are playing w/ fire in my opinion. You think all affairs start w/ 2 people just attacking each other? No! They start MOSTLY with 2 co-workers who innocently strike up a friendship, become close, share intimate conversations/feelings, and before you know it, you feel closer to your "friend" than you do your own spouse. That's how it starts honey! I honestly don't think men and women (especially attractive ones) can be "just friends" w/ each other. Inevitably, it leads to either emotions coming into play or physical attraction.
2007-11-02 09:07:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋