So here's the deal. His mom is coming from out of town for Thanksgiving. She and I are close, she's my kid's Grandma and all. I will be picking her up at the airport on Sunday, she will stay with me until Wednesday, when I am going out of town to have the holiday with my boyfriends family. So, anyway, the ex lives across town in a tiny studio apartment, I live in a three bedroom house, big enough dining room, kitchen, etc. I have had the standpoint with the mom that I didn't want the ex in my house when I wasn't there. The reason for this is probably residual bitterness: to understate things, he wasn't that nice to me when we were together. It has been a while(about a year and a half) and we have been lately been getting along a little better. I kind of think it would be gracious of me to offer my house for just that day, so they don't have to be cramped for Thanksgiving dinner. But I am torn!
Do I offer this or do I not?????
2007-11-02 08:23:12 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
eh, in all honesty, I'd say no. I guess I'd say its an invasion of privacy. I mean, It's not like you're still in the family, and you aren't obligated to host family functions for his family...especially if you're not there!!! Maybe consider talking to his mom about it. I mean, I had thanksgiving in my cramped house and not everyone could even fit in the dining room. No one offered to have it somewhere else either. Maybe just leave it in their hands. Pray about it too. And talk it over with your current boyfriend. If he doesnt like it, I'd respect his wishes and do what he wants. Good luck!
2007-11-02 10:23:03 · answer #1 · answered by Joyful 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm in kind of a similar situation. My husband and I are separated and his parents are coming out to visit. He is living with a girl, so I offered to let his parents stay with me. I even invited him over for Thanksgiving dinner for our daughter's sake. It is going to be hard, but it's the holidays and I believe in doing what is best for my daughter.
Since you will not be home, and are not comfortable with your ex being in your home, then I wouldn't offer. It's a nice idea, but what if your ex is mad because you are out of town and ends up damaging something? Or what if he goes through your belongings? There's a reason you don't want him in your house when you're gone, so figure out what that reason is. If you trust him, then offer it up, if not let him deal with the cramped dining room table.
2007-11-02 08:32:17 · answer #2 · answered by blue eyes 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a great opportunity for you to be the "bigger" person. The fact that you came up with the idea and want to....suggests to me that you should. I would put a few clauses into the agreement, such as he needs to leave your house as clean as he finds it. Other than that, I might buy some holiday flowers and leave them on the table. You could pull out your holiday napkins and dishware so he doesn't have to dig....plus most men don't think about the little details.
Don't forget to hide your bedroom "toys" or anything else that might embarrass you if your ex-in-laws happened to see them......
But I think you'd be doing your ex-extended family quite a service and setting a good example for the kids.
I applaud you! Have Fun~
2007-11-02 08:31:53 · answer #3 · answered by fiofunk 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My oppinion, i wouldnt, me and my x get along fairly well for the last several years, but i still wouldnt put it past him if he had the chance to go snooping through things, to see what im up to. And my personal business stopped being his business the day he walked out. I would be really nervous to leave my x husband in my house to have free roam of the house while im not there, i can see my x going through my dresser, my closet, bank statements, bills, any important papers, etc.. its up to you but i have a feeling some day down the road u will regret giving him open access to your home.
And for those saying that the mother would make him respect your house, they obviously forget that blood is thicker then water, that is her son no matter what and although u and her are still close..thats still her son..and if he felt the need to check things out she'd allow it and keep her mouth shut especially if it would help him in the long run.. (to lower child support, to make you look like a bad mother, or depending on what he finds even try to use it against u eventually in court) , i say be very careful..
2007-11-02 08:31:23 · answer #4 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Never explain the why of your decisions. If it's no it's no and that's it. You don't have to have a reason. When I first read just the question, my first thought was NO. He has no reason to ever been in your house with you don't want him to be, no matter what. Let them be cramped, if they have thanksgiving at your house you mom will be stuck with all the prepping and cleaning. Take the party to him Mom and kids go over, eat , visit, say thanks and leave. Good Luck
2007-11-02 08:30:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think your kids grandmother sounds cool enough to respect your house and make sure her son does do. It would be a nice thing to do and I don't really see any reason not to do it unless your ex is a thief or something.
2007-11-02 08:27:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you that is really just y our business but DON'T FEEL OBLIGATED!!! Hon even though she is your kid/s grandma that is no longer YOUR family rather you like it or not I personally wouldn't, if hes wants to see the kid/s then let them see her that day for awhile maybe you can drop them off for a couple of hours after you have had your fun with them and then go out with your girls or something, don't stress yourself out for NOTHING and enjoy turkey day!
2007-11-02 08:29:51 · answer #7 · answered by CurlySue 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
To be honest, I'd say no.
It's your space and you've moved on.
Harsh maybe, but fair. What'd your new boyfriend think if he found out? He might say it's cool, but it would play on his mind. It could be misconstrued that he's trying to get his feet back under the table. Don't muddy the water and cause him or your kids confusion. There have to be parameters and you need to maintain them.
2007-11-02 08:29:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't let him in my house at all and I'm sure you don't want to hear this but regardless of how much I liked my ex mother-in-law (and she liked me) we don't speak anymore, my children call and talk to her and we always ask them how the other is doing but it's all part of being an "ex" YOU really need to cut the ties there.
2007-11-02 08:40:50 · answer #9 · answered by Ms. M 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go ahead and offer it, she is the grandmother of your child after all and even though you are divorced you ex is still the father of your child. You can not erase your past completely.
2007-11-02 08:29:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋