my mum has just told me that shes been diagnosed with emphezema, shes in the early stages, im broken,what do?

Question

i do?
im 30, live alone, in a one bedroom apartment...i have borderline personality disorder....ive made no friends in life...no relationships.....never been employed because of my problems....ive had a very upsetting life.....never accomplished anything.
my mum is the one whos stood by me. weve had alot of arguments and fallouts...but shes always done her best to be there for me..
im really devastated and dont no what to do......i love my mum dearly......she told me that shes just getting on with it....but iam broken.
besides this my lifes difficult anyway, battling this disorder, trying to get the right help and treatment...which is not forth coming....i struggle with my symptoms and the disorder ive had...as i have since 16.......i have no one to turn to.....no employment history.....and im at a major disadvantage in life as regards achieving goals of a good job, my own home, a partner a happy life..
and i phone my mum tonight & she tells me this..im broken & feel like dying.

my mums 56 and her mum died of emphezema. in her 60s
im 30 now

Answer 1

First, I am so sorry that you are experiencing all of this right now. It is hard to learn that our parents have developed a medical problem -and even harder when they are such a big part of our lives (like in your case.)

I would really encourage you to find a therapist who is engaging and supporting. If finances are a challenge, many good counselors will work with you in sliding scale or pro bono. It sounds like there are many MANY other issues which make this seem insurmountable. Emphysema - while a very serious and progressive chronic condition - is not a short term death sentence. Many people live long and happy lives after finding out they have emphysema. Learn about the condition and ways to help her. I would ask you to avoid thinking about her ultimate passing - as this may be a very long ways away and is completely out of your control. Look to that which you can manage - working her life into your own, being there for HER while SHE is suffering from this disease. The nature of your (and my) personality disorders is that we are driven to look for the impact of events and actions on us - which means it is easy to slip into a repetitively self-centric state. Look outside of you and much more will start going right. Talk rather than type - call rather than write. As difficult and seemingly painful as it is right now - it will get easier with time.

Answer 2

Hey man, the first thing to realize is that suicide or 'deciding to die' is NOT the answer. Your mother did stick beside you even without accomplishments because she still believed in you and throwing your life away would go against even the one thing that you do have.

My mother died 3 years ago from emphysema and I'm only 17. I had my mom in my life for 13 short years, 6 of those years she had the disease.

You need to start over again and do something to make her proud, while enjoying the time you have left with her. Even starting at a low job (fast food even) and working your way up is a good idea.

Encourage your mom, ask her for advice, and make sure that she starts becoming healthier through not smoking. The lungs can heal over years through not smoking and exercise while taking medications.

At a young age, my mother collapsed at work and we discovered that she had it. From then on, I wanted to make her proud and every since I've been a straight-A student through school as my gift to myself and to give her even a bit of happiness in her time.

I do not know your mother, but mine was strong. They gave her 1 night to live and she lived those 6 years longer. She fought with all she had to see me grow up as much as possible.

Help yourself out, express yourself to her, and try to live life to fullest, no matter where you are currently.

Answer 3

I was diagnosed with emphysema about 12 years ago, and the first thing I did was to quit smoking.

This is not a death sentence, like lung cancer would be, and if she follows doctors orders, gets exercise, and takes her medication, she will have many years of life to look forward to.
Exercise is vital, to helping to maintain the lung capacity that she has, and as well she will be physically fit, and feel better physically, and mentally.

I wish you both the best of luck.

Answer 4

Try to be as supportive to her as possible. This is your chance to shine. Put all your energy into being there for her, and you will forget about your own problems. Try to seek help for your disorders. There are a lot of support groups out there and healthcare for such things. Do a little bit of research. Good luck, friend.

Answer 5

You can definitely invite her, it's your party so you decide. Thing is if you invite her, make sure you keep her company or at least someone stays with her and not make her feel awkward. Worst case scenario is that she comes over only to have some of the people you invited make fun of her and she might have a horrible night.

Answer 6

Look you have to live your life. I lost my mother to cancer at 64 years of age, I'm now 65. You live life or die, chose life but it is up to you. No one can help you but yourself. This is a bad disease but they are making great strides in repairing the damages.

Answer 7

well its not the end of the world! my mom had from the time i was a little kid till in my mid 30's.
yes she was a smoker and ended up dying of lung cancer.
the lung cancer was the big blow for me.

it doesn't matter what any of us have........ we all could die tomorrow in a car accident. so you better enjoy her EVERYDAY!