Is it possible?..verbal abuse?

Question

I understand that in most cases an abuser will not change, it is a never ending cycle and that change can only happen if the abuser really wants it and admits readily to their bad behavior. What I would like to know is if there is anyone who has been a victim and witnessed a change in the abuser? I realize this would be a rare occurrence. Is there anything specific that brought about the change or any methods that seemed to help specifically? Thank you!

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Answer 1

The scars left from verbal abuse don't go away overnight. Personally, I wouldn't hang around waiting for someone to change, it's very unlikely it would ever happen. My first husband was physically abusive, my second husband was verbally and emotionally abusive. Of the two, I would ALMOST rather get beat up...those scars healer a heck of a lot quicker! The only way an abusive person will change is if you get away from him permanently. Even then, change is not likely for them. For you, then the healing can begin.

Answer 2

The abuse started emotional and then physical and both. I had him served with papers. He swore change, beg, and pleaded. And he did. It was like he was a whole another person. We threw the papers away, and tried again. Things were good for about 6months, then he started to slip back into his old ways. Soon he was the mean old ******* that he use to be and I left. They say they can change, and maybe they can, but that change doesn't last. It might last 6 months 2 years but it is only a matter of time before the switch back.

Answer 3

Yes, a total removal from the thing/environment that causes the dammage in the first place and therapy. Spiritual therapy is the most effective in my book, but psychological seems to work for some too. I also believe in kindness: It begets kindness. Abusers then to have triggers so it is imperitive that the abuser recognizes the triggers, acknowledges them.

Answer 4

I do beleive a person can change they just need a reason and alot of support and encouragement. I have been in a relationship for 4 years, when I met him I realized very quickly he had anger issues. Like he would fly off the handle very quickly, he would call me names and bring up anything I told him about my past and try to make me feel bad about it. I stuck with him, I so realized when he went crazy if I ignored him he would stop alot sooner, at first I'm sure he wondered why I was not reacting to him. When he realized what I was doing we talked and talked and came up with a idea to creat a word, for either of us to say if we fely ourselves getting angey and needed to cool down or if we felt the other was loosing control. It has worked great. You need to take responsiblity for any part you play in your arguments. That way when you talk to him it doesnt sem like your blaming him, he with then get deffensive and you will get knowhere. I'm available for IM

Answer 5

Once I did .. The guy had a heart attack and almost died. He realized that his wife and kids hated him and changed but only once didI ever see that. I worked in a domestic abuse shelter and have been the victim of abuse ...

Ssome people change because they realize they HAVE to or else ... But its extremely rare

Answer 6

Verbal abuse is very common these days. So common that we don't even know that we are doing it. If we are all out with our friends and we are all just kidding around you you call that person a nasty name, that is verbal abuse. I was once a victim of Verbal abuse, and then I started doing it to my friends with out know it. It is hard to change, but it can be done. You know it is just like a person who uses drugs, or drinks beer. Before they stop doing it they have to hit rock bottom or something tragic has to happen to someone they love. Change is never easy it is just something we have to grow to love and work on. In my case, it took me leaving and not calling him, talking to him, or even seeing him, for him to change. I had no idea he loved me as much as he said he did, and he had alot of proving to do. I was never left alone with him, nothing. This is where he hit rock bottom. It was either be with me and love me or be with out me.
I tryed a few different things to get him to change. And nothing seemed to work. I tryed giving him his own medicine. I tryed being verbal abusive to him, to see how he liked it, that just made it wrose. I couldn't take it anymore, and I left. I didn't tell him nothing, I just left. No one deserves to be abused in any way shape or for. You know it all comes down to how much respect do you have for yourself? You don't deserve that kind of treatment. I hope I helped.

Answer 7

As a verbal abuser myself I can see how it hurts. I know I'm doing something I shouldn't be doing, and it's usually done with those closest to you. So if you are one of these people take a step back, look in the mirror if you will & think how YOU would feel if you were the abusee.

Answer 8

The best method I know of is threatening the abuser with the real possibility of a severance of the relationship. If it is a bf, gf, spouse, or whatever, they will respond to such threats. My old man was verbally abusive to my mom, until she told him she would walk if he spoke to her that way again. It worked like a charm.

Answer 9

My brother in law is very controlling and verbally abusive. My sister finally moved into her own apartment. Now of course, he is being as sweet as pie. But he's made no effort to change. If he went into therapy or something, or started going to church or made any significant attempt to improve himself, I might say they have a chance. But he won't.

Answer 10

my case was physical abuse and it got worst to the point of him harming himself instead of me. what brought about the change is when i left him for good and had him locked up. i got tired of hurting and feeling like i needed him which i didnt cause i couldve done bad by myself.letting him know that im serious tired of being abused and letting him know that i dont deserve this type of behavior. if your gonna physically touch me make sure its the right way that makes me smile not cry.