Mature People only?

Question

Brief rundown: I am 28, B/f is 29 and we've been together for a bit over 2 years & now have a 3month old daughter.
A few weeks ago we had an argument over the baby. I think he does not want her around, or only when it is convenient or she is happy. He is wishy-washy and I told him he needed to start helping more with her. (She is collicky, mind you) At one point during our argument he said, "If you don't like it there's the door." So, I called his bluff, packed a few things for myself and my child and went to my sister's. Once he realized I wasn't kidding, he begged me to stay. I had to leave to make a point that I would not put up with his disrespect.
Now...a couple of days ago, he left his email open...so...I peaked a little:) and found an email he sent to some chic on a porno personals website. The subject line was "True Love". He said he was looking for true love and someone to spend good times with. Now he is talking about buying me an engagement ring. What do I do?

The email he sent to this chic was sent the day of our fight. I guess he needed some kind of reassurance... also, he doesn't know that I found the email AND made a copy of it. I checked out the temp files and he hasn't been to the website in a couple weeks. (trust me, he is not computer savvy) But, I also failed to check his trash file so who knows if he is still in contact with her???

As far as I can see...he is not. Should I confront him about it? Do you think he is shopping for engagement rings because he feels guilty? OR should I just not ask any questions and leave?

But then again, how can you make a relationship work if you don't try to work out all the problems. We can't just up and leave every time there is a problem. So, maybe this was a one time thing he did for reassurance.

Considering all those things....?

Answer 1

He's trying to play you girl! It's typical doggish behavior. I think it's time to move on from the romantic side, but you still need to deal with him for the sake of your child. He's still the baby daddy. But talk to a lawyer for sure.

Answer 2

You have a child. You have entered into a very serious relationship prior to an engagement ring. What are your choices? Stay with him and hope things work out? Leave him and start looking again, but now with a child? YOU need to mature and realize that your actions not only will affect you but your child also. It's good that you want him to respect you. Let him know you don't want him being tempted into a sexual relationship with anyone for any reason because sex is too powerful, no one is super-human, not even you. Then get a written agreement about what will happen should one or the other be unfaithful. Think very carefully before you do anything. Good luck

Answer 3

Don't play head games. You can't go into a relationship and try to sculpt the other person into wehat you feel they should be - When you "sculpt" you will get scars, not transformation.

Thats why we should wait a really loooong time before we commit to a relationship. Helps us truly find out if we could live with someone.

Work on you, your responsibilities, your betterment, and the betterment, upbriniging and morality of the child.

Your so called boyfriend obviously already has a porn problem, not to mention a problem being faithful. I know in todays world no one sees that as a problem, well do your research, it is a HUGE issue--- Take care of the child -- they did not ask to be here -- invest in the happiness and education of that child and it will be returned to you one day --- if not -- then it wont be returned when you need it

Answer 4

I must say, I'm not sure of the situation. But when it comes to love and children, marriage is the only way. Perhaps you and him should live seperately for a while to see if you should be togather. If the love remains, you have commitment and that is what is important in the end. Sex makes it difficult to know what commitment really is. And marraige puts the two togather beautifully. I think marriage to a truely loving and committed man is most woman's true dream. It was my dream too to find that in a woman, and I found it in my wife.

Answer 5

First, learn something from these events. There is a reason we should come to know someone well before we play house, and that means know him well enough to marry.
I don't know your total situation, but I would assess it carefully. I think your boy friend is a manipulator and he is playing you, but before he loses his sensual pleasures, he wants to line something up, like getting another job before you quit the present one.
First, be sure you set up a safe place to be. Assess the possibility of a violent reaction before informing him of your move. If you feel in a threatened position, move out in an undisclosed location before telling him.
If there is little threat of violent reaction, you might want to ask him why he did that. I don't think it matters, but it might to you. I am not a female. Family Counseling may be effective. Many men are not mature enough to accept being in second place, but there are things you can do to make him know that you consider him important - but that may not be enough for him. Counseling may iron out those feelings.
I wish you and your child the best.

Answer 6

There is only one thing you can do if you want to avoid a huge mistake and a lot of misery: Get out of the relationship. I think you know this, right?

So go with your brain AND your gut. Too many people stay in highly self-destructive relationships for years and suffer tremendously because of it. You know there is someone out there who will be a good fit for you. But you won't find him if you do not make yourself available and accept the fact that you might be alone for awhile until the right guy comes along.

Answer 7

I am sorry to say this.....wont get me any BEST ANSWER points, but.....

The two of you need to have a sit down and mature discussion about all of this.

You need to ask him about what you saw on his email.....Obviously, if you two are going to be serious about this, he needs to NOT do things like that....

And for your part, things like packing your things and heading out the door can no longer be a part of the scene. If you two decide to split up (which I hope you think long and hard about since you two have a daughter who needs you both) it should be as a result of a calm and reasoned discussion in which you both decide whether or not you want to stick out this relationship.....It should NEVER be the result of an argument.....and you both need to know that until you decide in a calm and reasoned discussion that you are going to split up, that neither of you will do something as dramatic and (sorry to say) immature as to pack your things and leave......It simply cannot be a part of the discussion. (By the same token, he should certainly not have said "there is the door.")

Sorry....probably not what you wanted to hear.....

But there is much at stake here.........Just look at her.

Answer 8

Call him on it!! You have a child...No time for games. You say mature people only? Well I am here to tell you when it is all said and done he either wants you and your daughter or he doesn't. The little girl will be the one caught in the middle of all the games. At the end of the day, somebody out there wants you and her... NO GAMES

Answer 9

Stay gone.
First of all, you are peeking at his e-mails, so you don't trust him. He shouldn't trust you. And doesn''t.
He didn't offer to change his behavior, but told you to hit the road if you didn't like it. You didn't like it. He didn't beg you not to leave.. He doesn't love or respect you, enough to hang around for life.
He is visiting porno sites. Who needs that crap in your life?
You are looking at him to decide what to do with your life? He wants you to stay put until he finds someone to replace you with.
I say, stay gone. Tell him to go fishing on porno sites all he wants, and hope he finds true love there. You are looking for a great involved father and loving respectful mate, not a loser who is into porno, being wishy washy, and uncommitted.
Tell him to save his money, and give you child support instead.
Spend your energy raising your daughter, and not getting involved with bone-heads who won't marry you.
By the way, steep some fennel in a tea-ball and hot water. Put it in a baby bottle and dilute it with cool water. Sweeten it with honey, and give it to your baby to drink. No more Colic. I promise. Used it on my son. Almost instant relief.

Answer 10

Did you print a copy of the email, so he can't say it was all your imagination? He would not find "true love" on a porno site. If so, what are you? And, the father of your child does not want her around in bad times? Maybe you should follow his lead and not want him around in bad times either.Let him find his true love on the porno site if he doesn't want to spend time working on being a family.