How do i make my wife fall back in love with me?

Question

My wife told me the other day that she loves me, but she also said she was not in love with me anymore. I have never cheated or even been tempted, i make sure to stay away from those situations. She says she doesn't know what she wants. We have been together for almost 9 years. i love her very much and don't want to lose her to what ever is going on inside of her. she says it is not me and that i am doing everything right. i am so lost. i can't imagine her not being there with me. we have no kids. she said her feelings changed about 6 months ago. i can't think of anything i did to change the way she would feel about me.

Answer 1

My husband and I just split about 6 months ago and he said the same thing to me. He told me that he loved me but that he was no longer in love with me. I had a really hard time with this at first but then I realized that i cannot make him love me and as bad as it hurts (cause I still love him so much) I now realize that I want to be with someone who loves me as much as I love them...and I shouldn't have to spend my life doing things to try to make someone love me. The things that I do should come from my love for that person and who I am and they should love me for me...not because I do special things!! (if that makes any sense). I know it's hard right now and it will probably get harder but unfortunately you can not make her love you. I do wish you the best of luck and I'm really sorry for what you're going through.

Answer 2

My guess is there's more to the story than she's told you.

Maybe she cheated, or wanted to cheat, and she believes here ability to find someone else attractive has lessened her feelings for you.

At any rate, you probably need to determine the reason for the change before you can rebuild. That's not to stay you have to place blame or judgement; after all she is human, but you can't move forward without knowing what changed and why.

After 9 years together, obviously the luster, the romance and the passion has probably dwindled a lot. Often that dwindles because of children, but in your case it's just happenned.

I would start by seeing if you can her to talk about her feelings more. I would also suggest the two of you go to a marriage counselor together.

Then I would look for ways to renew the passion in the relationship.

How much time do you spend together and apart from one another? Too much of either is not good for your relationship. If you both work full time, do you split the household chores equally? This is a very common passion killer in relationships as men often times don't pull their weight.

What about vacations together? Do you take one once a year? If not, perhaps you're overdue.

What about little things to let her know you're thinking about her? Surprise dinner dates, flowers, presents for no reason. You don't have to spend a lot to let her know you care, and to do it spontaneously for no reason.

Relationships are work, and they have to be worked on an ongoing basis or they grow stale. People grow and change too, and you have to allow for some of that.

Answer 3

9 years, well, first of all, it would probably help if you don't see it as something "going on inside of her". You both have something to do with whatever is going on. It is probably not what you DID that is the problem, it's probably something you DIDN'T DO. I think sometimes in long, safe relationships people don't do enough each day to show their love and attraction to each other. If she doesn't feel appreciated or sexy, it's gonna lead to doubts.
Take her away for the weekend, somewhere romantic, and do it soon.
Draw her a bath, light candles for her, and make her drink or get a nice bottle of wine.
Either way, find the time to tell her that what she said scared the hell out of you and you realize that somethings got to change. But you don't want that to be by separating.
Let her know how much you love her and ask if you can work on it together. THEN WORK ON IT
All relationships need matinees and if they don't get it they will eventually no longer run right, just like a car!!LOL

Answer 4

Basically the spark has left your marriage. Your down to a everyday routine. You go to work she goes to work you come home do dinner and then go to bed (possibly). Just using that as an example of an everyday routine that would definitely make a marriage lose it's spark. She'll always love you but that just isn't enough these days. You'll have to break out the romantic crap which every guy thinks he's past once you've been with the same woman for a while. but that is not true. So do romantic things, send flowers to her work, you and her go out of town for a week or a weekend. Also find out what she thinks is the cause. Has she met someone else? Cause usually women don't just fall out of love with a man. So communication is going to be your best bet to see what it is she's looking for and hope to god she hasn't met someone else b/c that will definitely make the spark go away and that could be what she means by it's not you it's me. Just break out all the romantic crap you can think of and give it a shot and try the go out of town for a weekend or so and try to have that romantic get away. Best of LUCK!!!!

Answer 5

Maybe she wants change. Some exitement. To something so unexpected and sweet that she'll look foward with being with you every day. Tell her the things you wrote in your question. Act romantic, take her on dates. Don't give her presents right now though, i'm not saying it because it costs money, i'm saying it because gifts aren't what a relationship should be about. Tell her she could have some space, you could let her go somewhere with her friends, paid by you, (that would be considered a gift huh?) Well, i don't really know what to say, to end a marriage, it sounds like she's serious about it, like her mind's made up, but you could always change a woman's mind. That's how it works, and even I don't know why.

Answer 6

It is probably not an isolated incident that caused this, but rather the passing of time. It sounds like you may not have been keeping the romance alive for her over the years. Women need romance and too many guys just forget all about it once they are married. Try doing the things you guys did when you were dating. Not much else I can tell you - sorry to hear about this. What a bummer.

Answer 7

You probably need to ask her best friend or mom, those are the ones that she is probably confiding in without even knowing it. Women talk to each other a lot when they are doing things together about everything. If my mom were still around she would be able to tell me before I fully got it, she listened to my mumblings and could tell me how I felt back. Maybe they can give you insight at least. Moms are good for knowing what is going on with their kids even their adult kids, most of the time anyhow. Good luck..............

Answer 8

Some people grow together, or they grow apart, then ask yourself, why would you want to be with someone who does not love you as much as you love them?

It happens, sorry about that for you. But something somewhere, it changed, at least she is being honest about her feelings.

It maybe too far gone for her to get the love back. Its like you not wanting to love anyone else, because you can't. Well she can't either.

Try sessions with a counselor, maybe she will agree, that is the best you can do.

Answer 9

I am sorry to hear about what youre going through. I would suggest therapy. Maybe she'll be open to going if she wants to figure things out and work on things. Even if she doesn't want to go right off the bat you should start going asap - it can and will help. Either way it will help both of you decide what you want and figure out what's going on and if you can still be in love with one another. It's never one persons fault so don't look at this as just you having to do something - it takes 2 people.

Answer 10

I doubt that she simply fell out of affection. This have got to had been a very disturbing problem for her all along, and it can be more possible she has been having doubts for a very long time and just did not recognize find out how to let you recognize. Humans often believe that they are able to overcome any religious/cultural variations for the reason that love will see them through. But more more often than not than not, it's now not handy to recover from a lifetime of devout/cultural conditioning. Even humans from the same devout/cultural backgrounds often experience problem adjusting to the challenges of married reside, irrespective of how in love they're. That is why it is primary to have the aid of family and friends. The fact that her household on no account accepted you and you refuse to partner with them, would now not have made it any simpler for her. I suspect the entire problem received to be too much for her and the argument was the last straw. If she doesn't wish to keep in touch with you now, don't pester her. It can be that she just needs a while to work matters out herself; away from you and your family. I do know it will be difficult but bombarding her with calls will handiest make her extra resistant. Go away her on my own slightly. She is the one one who can make a decision if she rather wants to end it, but she'll need time to work out her feelings and what's nice for her. Sadly, it might not be coming residence to you. In any event, you may have bought to let her have the time she wants. There may be little else you are able to do. I hope it really works out for you both though.