Why does she always spend us down to zero?

Question

I'm the sole breadwinner in the household, and my wife insists on spending every single penny I bring in. If it looks like we might have anything left over after necessities, we suddenly "need" to get something else, according to her. If I make a sound about the spending, I'm a villain. Why does she do this? It's not as if she spends her days in housework. I'm supposed to do that, as well, but I admit to not doing it. I put in 10-12 hour days at work and still we can't make ends meet. There is always something more that just "must" be bought. She will not get a job. We have a child and she refuses to put him into daycare.

Why does she do these things? How do I understand it so I can live with it?

Answer 1

Keep a household account and a sole account in your name - it sounds as if you are a fair man so I believe you will do this with the best interest of your family in mind. At your job, if you have direct deposit, fill out a form for a split direct deposit. Have 75% of your net income on your check go into the joint household account, have the remaining 25% go into your sole account. You can pay all expenses from the household and prevent her from siphoning money off of it for her own personal expenses. You NEED to start balancing your check book yourself and keeping track of your accounts online. If she needs money for, what she claims, are additional and unforeseen expenses, make her provide you with the receipts after and then YOU can give her the cash or a check. In doing this maybe you will realize A) That she is correct and you are overstating what you make in income as opposed to what your expenses really are, Or B) That she is spending way more than she has any right to. In any case you should have a serious talk with her about money and the future of your family if she refuses to get a job. I feel that since you are the sole money-maker of the family you have every right to know where the majority of the money is going in THIS situation.

Answer 2

This must be unbearable for you. You are working all the hours you possibly can, yet your wife doesn't understand the meaning of the word budget. You bring in the cash, she spends it. And you are supposed to do the housework too????

What kind of a marriage do you have here? If you let your wife continue to walk all over you like this, you are heading for disaster. She is not contributing to the household income, yet she is the one spending it, down to the last penny. This is wrong. You know it, and deep down, she may know it too.

Sit down and talk to her. This is your wife, not some stranger. If you are to be a team, you must discuss money matters. She might not like what you have to say, but if she hates it that much, she should get a job. If she carries on like this, get an account in your name only, so she can't get to the money and spend it. She'll soon realise that she might just have to get a job to meet her spending needs.

Wishing you all the best, hun.

Answer 3

Communicate with your wife about your problems with her spending. Reach an agreement. Maybe you should pay yourself first by having a percentage of your income going to a savings account. Work out a budget that you both agree with. Allow some funds for unexpected items and entertainment. If none of this works, remember all the money you spent when you were dating, the cost of child support, and alimony. Than see where you are better off.

Answer 4

What kinds of things does she buy? Is it for her, child or household? You may want to sit down with her and let her know that if you guys want a comfortable life in the future and if you want to put your child through college one day that you guys need to follow a budget. And plan one out together that works best for your family. And then set aside some in savings and give each of your a weekly allowance for spending. That way you are being rewarded for your hard work throughout the week and she doesn't feel like you are cutting her off completely. *ADVICE* start the conversation off saying that you want to discuss something and NOT ARGUE. If she still doesn't understand and wants to disagree completely I don't know what to tell you from there. It sounds like to want to work it out without causing the relationship problems... good luck with it.

Answer 5

I am sorry but my question to you is why are you allowing her to do this????? Take control of the bills and all the money. I am wondering if you doesn't have any cash on hand, will she get a job? Not to many families can live on one pay check anymore. My husband makes good money but when my boys were young, I worked a couple of hours a night when he was home and we didn't have to put our kids in daycare. Is she a princess or what????? I looked at it 2 ways, it showed my kids that everyone needs to be responsible and work plus I am sure it helped out financially.....even if my entire check went for groceries.......Put your foot down before you get real bitter....don't just live with it-you'll never have anything. Good luck to you!

Answer 6

While I do like the idea of a woman staying home to raise children - as it's not done much anymore but I do think it works, the idea of spending every dollar you bring home is not fair and it makes everything hard.

Both my husband and I work, we don't have any kids. As much as I would love to stay home every day, I have to admit I also love bringing home my own share of money. I may not make very much but it sure does help.

I think your wife could easily handle a part time job, to say the least. If she's not spending her time taking care of the house then she needs to be working. It's only fair.

Answer 7

Time to take control of the finances. Open a seperate savings account and set up a standing order for a set amount each month so that you are saving some money for important things. If she complains tell her that one of you has to be sensible with money and not a complete spenthrift and refuse to discuss it anymore. As i have got older trying to understand someone usually means you end up putting up woth crp.. what you have to ask yourself is whether you like a specific behaviour. if the answer is no then you must do something to change it.

Answer 8

Well, you can start taking so much of your pay check and putting it into a savings account that only you know about. Then there will be something for a rainy day. As for her not wanting to clean the house when she is home all day she is wrong in this. You need to sit her down and let her know that she either starts getting it together or she needs to get a job and pay someone to come in and do it.

Answer 9

Sounds like most Americans (including me) and then they turn around and blame everyone else for their inability to maintain financial solvency (I dont do that part, I know who is to blame).

Putting the kid in daycare isnt necessarily the best thing. When my son was a baby the ex wanted to go to work for $8/hr 45 miles away- I did the math for her and we would have LOST money plus the baby wouldnt be with a parent where he belonged. We waited and she ended up with a nice Postal job where she met her BF- joke was on me = ) but I have my son full time and that's what matters to me.

Answer 10

Maybe she is spending to zero because there is not enough money coming in. I know that with kids in the house, there is ALWAYS more "need stuff". Even when you think you got it covered, you get blindsided by something! I can understand both sides on this. She may not want the kiddo in daycare, maybe there isnt enough money, maybe its being spent improperly. Who knows. The 2 of you need a budget. Maybe an understanding on what is "need", and what is "want". Calm down and talk and budget. Everybody goes through this. good-luck.