She says she wants my input then punishes me for it, is she insane?

Question

Whenever a question of spending money comes up, my wife asks for my input. Then, if I show reluctance to spend, she gets angry and recites a long litany of whatever wrongs I may have done or seemed to have done. She is always sure to bring up any spending I might have done on myself and always at least doubles the amount I actually spent when talking about it. If I provide proof that she is inaccurate, she gets even angrier at me. We are always short of money--ALWAYS short of money, and it's always my fault, according to her. Not because I spend but because I never make enough money--she can buy a chinchilla because she "needs" it. It wasn't my decision to have my overtime hours reduced, but it's my fault, and she resented me not being at home when working the overtime. She complains to me at how the house is a mess but refuses to do any housework, herself, because I'm supposed to be "equal" to her in housework as well as working overtime. Is she insane?

We do have a child. She has convinced herself more than once that she could raise our child better by herself than with me around, then she has tried to get her friends to cheer for her on that but has always failed. Then she chews me out because her friends don't support her conclusion. I have a neurological condition (yes, diagnosed by a physician) that in part makes it very difficult to confront someone who is acting emotionally--I just cannot seem to comprehend them. When I try to use reason and logic, anger is the only response. If I say that a plan of hers might not be prudent, I am met with sullen-ness and personal attacks.

In the face of this, I have become uncommunicative with her. I adore her and our child, but I worry that we may find ourselves thrown out of our home, utilities shut off, unable to eat. This will all, of course, be my fault.

Oh, she does not have a job outside the home. I am the sole breadwinner. She has made it very plain that she would NOT be happy at having to leave our child with daycare.

Answer 1

if she is not working she should be, if she wants certain things once paycheck can't afford. she wants money but wants u home also. if she is not working she needs to do the bulk of the housework and not leave it all up to u. why do u allow this to be? a person will treat u exactly the way u teach them to.

Answer 2

She lacks perspective and is maybe even desperate. I say desperate because if she is so depressed that she is always grumpy and thinks she needs a pet right now, she may be searching for relief from her confusion and negitivity. She may need a doctor or medication to help her. Then again, some meditation and a professional massage may do wonders. But you need to aproach this lovingly, while still keeping yourself emotionally safe. When she attacks you, ask her to pause and write you a letter. Write her one to. You can't yell in a letter and it helps keep the energy level from exploding into a fight. Then, make love. Spend all night telling her why you love her. Ask her to remind you what she sees in you that she loves so dearly that you married. The next night you can start making a realistic budget. Make sure most of the play money gets spent of time together.
About the housework, ask yourself this; should you as a husband care more about what is fair, or what she is telling you she needs? She needs help from you with the home. There will be times in your lives when you will rely on eachother. I'm sure you've leaned on her too. Both of you stop keeping score. Take 5 min. of each day to think positively about eachother. Kiss for a full min. everyday. Everythoing else may just fall into place.

Answer 3

This sounds extremely one-sided. Perhaps the way you express your reluctance is accusatory? If not, then your wife just feels extremely guilty because deep down she knows it's her fault that there's no money, so she projects it onto you because she thinks that you think it's her fault...

Just be patient w/ her when she plays the blame game and remind her that you're on the same team and only want her to be happy. Don't get into a fight and start blaming her back and playing pedantic games and telling her she's wrong, it just perpetuates things.

Answer 4

ok.. just because she is a woman doesn't mean anything.. ive seen women like her who nag all of the time.. they're just unhappy people and it makes them feel better to always place the blame on the significant other.. get serious with her.. have a serious talk.. if this is really effecting you, then you need to let her know.. grow some b _ _ _ _ s .. if ya'll don't have a kid together, then what's holding you back?? is it just that ya'll have been together for a long time?? well then you're goin to continue being unhappy... step up with the finances and take control before it gets out of hand.. she has to be fair and willing to compromise or it's never going to get better.. BELEIVE ME!! .. step up.. be strong.. it doesn't mean you have to be ugly to her or yell or anything, .. but just be firm in your decisions and she'll stop stepping all over you.. and if she doesn't.. kick her to the curb!!

Answer 5

Be a man and hold your ground. She is bullying you, dont allow her to do that. She's not insane at all, she's just manipulating the situation as effectively as she knows how to do.

I personally, would put her on an allowance in this case. See how she likes sticking to a budget. Go over your household budget and go look you can either have "x" or "y" but you cannot have "x and y." You'll also have to put yourself on an allowance in this case too.

You got some trainin to do my friend.

Answer 6

yes and no she wants help does she work? What the hell do you need a chincilla for. Those things a dirty I think you should strt talking to a finacer who can help you not spend so much money be and my husband have been in the same problem and I am tired I sometimes have no money for food which is frustrating. I think you should also go to counseling and get help.

Answer 7

No she's not insane she is just a woman. You have to come to the reality that there is never going to be enough money, and it seems like you are just bitching about her. My question to you is do you love her? If you do you should try to attempt to do more and communicate with her about your fustrations, yes she will get mad but if she is reasonable she will come to terms with your opinion. So go out and get a second job and hire a maid.

Answer 8

I'm sorry to hear and I hope this is not a taste of things to come for my future marriage. My theory is that women already have their minds made up. They give the illusion that they want your input but they already have decided, and even that is subject to change. There's no beating a woman in an argument.

Answer 9

I don't know about her being insane, I do believe she is spoiled, frustrated and mean. If she needs more money, maybe she needs to get a job or work the overtime as well.

Answer 10

Yes