Although they have kids, do they really need to keep a constant line of communication open? IE: There is a visitation schedule set. When my husband has talked to his ex-wife in the past she has always belittled me in front of the kids. Which sends the signal to them that it is okay to not respect me. I asked my husband to stop talking with her & only talk to his kids, if he has questions to contact those who are handling the problems; Teachers, Coaches, Doctors, etc. and for the past three years this is how it has been. I found blogs his daughter posted about me, that hurt very much. Immaturely I reacted by posting a story that resembled my stepdaughters actions. It was from the Sisters Grimmer. It was a gruesome twist on the old fairy tale called "Snow White". Now the ex-wife is demanding that they talk regularly, or there will be not more visits. I have heard the kids to say their mother is being stupid, and they want to stay with us. Personally I don't want them talking at all.
2007-11-02 04:51:30 · 16 answers · asked by November Hale 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Alissa,
"You husband should have open communication with the mother of his children. Sounds like you are the jealous one. The kids and his ex don't have to like you"
This was horrible for you to say. There may be some jealousy, only because she gave him children and I can not. His kids embraced before they hit puberty. If anyone is jealous it is the ex-wife and decided to sabotaged our relationship with prior behavior.
I admit that I reacted poorly and I have apologized, personally and publicly to everyone involved. His ex-wife is over reacting and wants and make my husband and I suffer by taking the kids way. If posting a fairy tale is my crime, then slap my wrist. Don‘t demand constant communication that has nothing to do with the kids.
2007-11-02 05:17:43 · update #1
Dolyn, You are right. I don't want to do that to the kids. I love them as if I gave birth to them myself. I just want the fighting to end. And with my husbands ex-wife I feel it will never end. That is why I have asked him to only speak to his kids and keep her out of it.
I am sorry you had to go through that, I don't want my Step-kids to go through it either.
They don't need to hear the fighting. And they are always placed in the middle, by their mother not by their father or me.
2007-11-02 05:24:14 · update #2
It sounds to me like his ex cannot get on with her life without your husband. I think you ne3ed to explain to your husband that you feel disrespected by his ex and that she treats you horribly. That the only communication they need to have is to say thank-you when the kids are p/u or dropped off. Really they arew divorced if this was my ex I would not even consider talking to her if she was disrespecting my current wife or GF.
She is truly jealous of you and the only way she knows how to cope is to bash your name and who you are.
The step-daughter issue I think you need to have dad talk to her immediately and consider getting her some therapy.
Best Wishes and Good Luck
May God's Blessing be upon you and your inherited family.
2007-11-02 05:53:44 · answer #1 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
they do have to continue talking for the sake of the children but he needs to set her straight that the talk will be about the kids and not anything else. she probably regrets getting the divorce now and and is jealous of you and your husband. I think that her talking about you in front of the kids does not belittle you but rather showing the kids how immature she is. You need to sit back and take the better path of showing the kids how a parent should be - don't say anything bad about the mother in front of them and when they say how stupid she is remind them that sometimes adults do dumb things.
She can not stop the visitation whether they talk or not but if you become the better person when they get old enough to make a choice the children may decide that they would rather live with you and a lot of the problems regarding visitation may become better. the children I am sure hear her talk about how bad you are but if you show then that their mother is wrong when they visit, that whole thing will only show them how wrong their mother is and give them more reason to accept you being together with their father. Good Luck to you!!
2007-11-02 05:17:53 · answer #2 · answered by Al B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, your husbands ex cannot stop visitation, that is something that has to be done through the courts...she is just using that as a scare tactic.
Secondly, yes, if there are children involved, your husband does have to have an open line of communication with his ex wife. When you married your husband, you married him, his kids and his history...part of that history is his ex wife. They must be able to talk concerning the children, thier educations, thier health, thier overall well-beings, etc. He would be abdicating his responsibility as a parent if he didn't keep these communication lines open. Now, the "belittling" that your husbands ex points toward you is not only inappropriate, but it is immature. Sadly, there is very little that you can do to change this except for trying to "be the bigger person" and not let it effect you.
2007-11-02 04:58:20 · answer #3 · answered by missapparition 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, the parents of children need to talk even if they are divorced. However, they don't need to talk in front of the kids.
By the time Teachers, Coaches or Doctors start talking to parents the small problems have grown large. Parents that communicate well can stop the problems from growing larger. The goal is to raise the children well so the become good adults.
If she bad mouths you in front of your husband, he should stand up for you. This is a separate issue altogether.
2007-11-02 05:02:38 · answer #4 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Gosh! I am so glad that I am not the only one who had trouble adjusting to this whole blended family thing. The more stories that I hear, the better I feel about it.For some reason I had this idea that the family would just blend and their wouldn't really be any hard problems bc my husband and I were on the same page about pretty much everything.WRONG!!!!!!!!!! I can tell from your post, that you like me want to do the right thing, you want to take the high road, but sometimes you fall short as humans do. What I did, stupidly I admit, is I tried to ignore the situation, I tried to ignore the mother, since we are the custodial parents and she hardly comes around. So in my mind I thought I will just let my husband handle it and play my role! WRONG MOVE!! To her I stepped back bc I was intimated by her,she thought that I stepped back because that was my place and I knew it, she thought I did it bc I didn't really have any say or control over what went on with the kids since I didn't birth them. SO at any rate things finally came to blow, when she voiced these unsolicted opinions to my husband, when he made the decision to send them with my family for the summer vs hers. I then realized that stepping back with this type of person only eggs them on! Now, I m glad to an extent that I did bc I didn't know quite how I wanted to handle the situation, and I would have hated to do anything immaturely and caused even bigger problems. SO now we are at the place where we forcibly taking control of the situation and letting her know her place(tactfully of course bc I am lady) Instead of her calling his cell phone when she calls to speak with them, she now calls the house, and if I answer and she doesn't address me properly, I let her know ever so nicely that if she doesn't respect our house and all parties in it, her energy is not welcome.(basically I hang up!) When she calls back and my husband answers and she begans to rant and rave he hangs up! Then we give her time to cool off, and we let kids call her if they choose too. The point is not to punish the kids, but to protect them. We have came to the conclusion that if we allow her to disrespect me, that she will send the message to the kids that its ok for them too. And we aren't willing to take that risk! So we are being proactive and stopping her now, How does she respond? She just says negative things to anybody that will listen about how we try and keep the kids from her and so and so on. And we keep living our life bc we know the truth and anyone that knows us knows better.
2007-11-02 05:09:21 · answer #5 · answered by Mrs.G-unit 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If they have children together of course they need to continue talking. They can't learn everything from a coach or teacher. I can't believe you wrote a wicked stepmother story....you are being childish and need to grow up and have a civil relationship with the mother of your husbands kids. Period. You knew he had kids going into the relationship. It's time to act like an adult. If she belittles you in front of the kids that is HER action, not yours. You only get to choose your reaction. Now go be the bigger person. :)
2007-11-02 05:01:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
1)Never involve children in an adult situation - you rob them of a childhood if they have to confront adult issues. 2)The ex cannot change visitiation without a court order and more money spent (the great deterrent). 3) As a step mom you have little to no say in this....you can express your concerns to your hubby in hopes that he concurs, but that is about all. Any family counselor worth their salt will tell you that. 4) The kids know more than you think. Set a good example by being respectful of them and their privacy and not "retaliating" in any way. 5) Accept that you cannot control this situation, and seek cousneling for YOU to air your concerns in another venue. Good luck to you :)
2007-11-02 05:31:05 · answer #7 · answered by that judi 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, your husband has to deal with ex-wife sometimes. Not all the time, but there are some situations where they must speak to each other, because they have kids together and its like they are bound to each other until the kid is 18...just ignore her as best you can. The Ex is just hating on you....don't pay it any mind
2007-11-02 05:03:14 · answer #8 · answered by Russell O 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Look, I don't care what crazy reasons you have for not wanting your bf to speak to his ex-wife. I know for a fact that it will effect the kids. When my parents divorced, my Dad wouldn't say one word to my mom. All messages went by way of us kids, or the lawyers. If you think the kids don't notice that, they do. It was a terrible thing, always wondering about what to do for school events if they had to be in the same room, and worse at my wedding when I had to sit them a tables at opposite sides of the room.
We always figured my Dad wouldn't talk to my mom because he realized what an a** he was for leaving us all, or felt guilty or something. Now, I'm wondering if my step-mother (the woman he left my mom for) told him she didn't like it. Do you want to be that woman?
2007-11-02 05:07:00 · answer #9 · answered by Dolyn 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't really stop him unless he wants to stop. I amin the same situated with my ex husband. You see I dont want to talk to him when he calls i answer by saying hello and hand her the phone. i only speak if he is civilized if not he will be hearing my dail tone. As for the chick its never going to change she will always try to make you look low. Just ignore her and keep doing what your doing which is supporting your husband and making his kids feel welcome:)
2007-11-02 04:59:48 · answer #10 · answered by shyhonney 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋