Is it selfish?

Question

My boyfriend was talking about asking me to marry him; he has this beautiful 2 3/4 caret diamond ring. However, it's set in this yucky yellow gold setting. I told him that I wouldn't marry him if we didn't change the setting to something I would actually wear. The problem is that the ring has been in his family for over 100 years but I don't see why they can't pop out the diamond and put it into another setting.

I'm willing to give back the yellow gold setting to the family. My boyfriend knows I hate yellow gold & doesn't seem bothered by this matter. We've been going to Jewerly stores looking for a setting I can live with. Since it's something I shouldn't be taking off for the rest of my life it should be something I like.

Answer 1

If you won't marry him because you don't like the ring, then you aren't ready to marry him.

Yes it's entirely selfish.

Answer 2

Extremely selfish - I could see if he bought the ring...but you can not tamper with a family heirloom.
If you MUST have another setting, perhaps you could request that he buy you another ring and find someone else in his family that would appreciate the ring.
One more bit of advice - there is WAY more to marriage to than the ring. The ring seems like the most important thing right now...but trust me, in a few years, you will nearly forget all about it. Perhaps you aren't ready for such a "grown-up" commitment at this time.

Answer 3

Yes it is selfish and rightfully so. Gratitude for the proposal should not make wearing a ring you dislike mandatory. I would not tamper with the family heirloom. Ask him to buy you a ring (and perhaps let him know your specific preferences?) and let him decide about what should be done with the heirloom ring. For all you know the two of you may have a son who may someday wish to present that ring to his future wife.

Answer 4

it is not really selfish, and it is common to have it put in a new setting after all while the diamond is always in style the setting styles are always changing...but I think it is crazy not to marry him because of it, afterall it is an engagement ring, you will pick different wedding bands, and that is what you usually wear

Answer 5

you should be lucky you got a diamond ring, also you must mean alot to him for him to give you the ring that has been in the family all that time, ask him but he might be upset.

Answer 6

I'm in the same position - my great aunts engagement ring is gold, but i dont wear yellow gold so it is being changed to white gold to match the rest of my jewelery. I am keeping the same setting and style - just a white gold shank instead of yello gold, but my family are happy with this,

I don't see it as a big deal changing the colour of the band but changing the ring completely is a bit off, i wouldn't not marry my bloke cos of it!!

Answer 7

Yes it is,

be happy that he's offered you a family heirloom as an engagement ring.

Answer 8

Wow, Marriage is all about adjusting with each other, if you people are not going to adjust then its waste i guess....

Love the person not the things, his love is not in the ring his love is in his heart, try to feel the love dont try to be selfish ....

Answer 9

Yeah that is pretty selfish. If it's a family heirloom you can't just change it to fit your style. That ring is of great value to his family. That's just sad...

Answer 10

I dont see why they can't pop it out either. But hon....you wont marry him unless the ring suits you...I hope you don't, the guy would have had a lucky escape.