Sometimes in liking the people we like we devalue ourselves in the end?

Question

Why do we do this when we are actually better than these people we strive to know??We can even get WAY better than them??WHY tell me WHY? hehehe

Answer 1

Most people project their defects onto others and then resist them. Sounds like you project your attributes onto others which means you have an 'attachment' to doing this because you have a hidden 'fear' that you are avoiding.

If you have been conditioned to BELIEVE (through imprinted experience) that no one is going to love you unconditionally (whatever this meant to the child) you may have developed an attachment (fantasy) to cope with the negative belief.

Give up the belief by tracing it to its origin and you won't have to fantasize about others attributes. You will attract/cause what you want. At this point you are probably hanging onto the fantasy as a substitute reality UNTIL you discard the fearful belief.

Answer 2

First of all, it doesn't have to happen that way. Say it isn't so, Rena! We can like them, but keep a distance. We only devalue ourselves if we replace our own values with ones that are lower. Also, it's not a matter of some kind of cosmic competition - who is better and who is not. We are all here together, like it or not, and we have some responsibility towards our fellow human beings, especially if we are among the fortunate ones.

Answer 3

Every person will always have pluses and minuses in their
personalities. We hope to find more pluses, but it doesnt
always work out. We're never "better" than these people,
just on different paths. It's never wrong to try and explore
to find someone compatable. Kissing a lot of frogs before
that prince is standard these days. It's also true that
before you are a mature human being, sure of yourself
and your needs, you make decisions based on the
superficial instead of the depth.

Answer 4

We have emotional needs that other people fill. We have to be careful not to get so needy, that we settle for people who are not the best to relate to. Meditation and mind-body exercises, can make oneself stronger emotionally, so as to be able to not have relationships, if having them is negative. Sometimes when one feel alone, and is tempted to connect with a not so good relationship, one should go for a walk instead, preoccupy yourself in some self improvement program, or work on developing one of your talent or skills.

Answer 5

In some cases, like myself, we end up devaluing ourselves at the beginning(maybe to save time?)!

Answer 6

love/like is irrational...we do this because we begin caring about "them" more than "ourselves"

and this is not a bad thing if love comes to be...
because is it not bad to be willing to sacrifice for another that you love.

however if love doesn't come to be or if they take advantage this overly so than it becomes the oppisite side of the coin and it becomes "sour" in a way and is like "poison" to our thoughts and becomes bad for us.

but as long as you know that you truly have value then you'll be just fine.

:]

Answer 7

b/c when you like this person, and since you BELEVE how BETTER you are, you need to RETIONALIZE this LIKING, and you already made him/her become the CENTER of your life, so you start to DEVALUE yourself, give yourself EXECUSES of why you are with this person, b/c only by this the EQUATION is stable ...... or am i wronge .

but let me ask you sth, why would this person keep DEVALUE her/him self and still COMPALIN abt it ????