okay, so my husband use to drink a LOT. he would have blackouts and show all the symptoms of an alcoholic (losing time at work, being violent, forgetting everything that happened, etc). So I left and was heartbroken. I love him more than life. When we were seperated he had sex with someone else while he was really drunk, so I filed divorce papers.
Well he hit rock bottom, begged me to come back and has been a good husband to me. Well, last night he got drunk again. And not just drunk, wasted glazed-over eyes puking guts out yelling angry drunk.
This morning he says he doesn't remember anything. He said he's sorry (but more like a coaxed it out of him sorry). But he made the comment that its not the end of the world and that I need to just calm down and we can talk about it tonight.
I love him so much... but I can't do this anymore... :( any advice?
2007-11-02 03:51:50 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He's right about one thing. It's NOT the end of the world. But it can be the end of your relationship if he allows this type of behavior to continue. Drinking is ok if it is under control. he seems to have no control, so he probably shouldn't drink... or maybe just limit himself to one drink and stick with it.... at least until he learns better control. If he cannot respect and agree to something like this then he is pretty much guilty for doing all the stuff he does not remember because he knows it will happen, and he lets himself get drunk enough to where he does not feel responsible for his actions. No excuse. He's a grown adult and needs to learn to act like one, especially if he thinks he is going to be in a relationship.
2007-11-02 04:05:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Alchoholism is HIS disease not yours. Sometimes when we stay with that person we actually enable them to be alchoholics. I would first recommend finding an Alanon group which is a support group for people who have been affected by alchoholism in some way. Then I would recommend reading up on codependency, it's a real condition that affects thousands of women in society today and the good news is there is help out there, consider counseling. Wether you stay with him or leave I can't advice as you really didn't provide enough information, just know that you cannot do anything to help him beat his addiction it has to be something he wants to do and by his response to his drinking binge last night I would assume right now it isn't a priority for him. If you don't have kids you might want to re-think this marriage, from past personal experience I can honestly say it isn't worth living with the disease and it will (if it hasn't already) make your life a living hell. God Bless and best wishes.
2007-11-02 04:16:14 · answer #2 · answered by LilSunbeam 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An alcoholic will always be an alcoholic, no matter if they drink or not. Most are venerable to relapses and very few stay clean the first go around. You knew his history, did you really think he had changed that much? Come on now. Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. Are you sure you want to go through life with someone who willingly pushes his body to the point of blacking out? Is that safe for you or him? No. You know what you need to do.
2007-11-02 04:05:37 · answer #3 · answered by Really now 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long did you leave him? No one will change until they are backed into a corner.I don't think he had enough time to get better, he needs some kind of help and counseling and some meetings. He just found someone that will go around and around the mountain with him and that is you.Have you guys tried going to church and making some lifestyle changes. Unless, he quits for good this will be the story of your life and it sounds like he knows he can do this and get away with. Next time he could bring home a sexually transmitted dis cease. Is that OK too?? I honestly would think of the love part later and decide is this how I want to live my life. That for me would be no......I would not spend my life taking care of a sloppy drunk who is out doing God knows what. Find a church and get some help. Your way isn't working try God's way.
2007-11-02 04:02:43 · answer #4 · answered by Godsgirl 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Girlfriend,
I was in your shoes. It is so hard to love a drunk but we do don't we? I prayed all the time for God to help me outta the mess I was in. I stayed with him for 2 years, we have 2 beautiful boys. You need to get out before you get hurt! I know it hard to do but you need to. Drunks are liars and will do and say anything for you to stay. You need to be strong and walk away. He is not worth your time. Unless he gets help and sees what he is doing and puts the bottle down, he won't get any better. Why waste your time?? I have been divorced for over 2 years and I still get that stupid feeling in my heart for him. I will NEVER go back, just telling you that so you know it can be done!
2007-11-02 04:04:28 · answer #5 · answered by texasnascarcowgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So the drunk who is married to you, lied to you once again, and even though you know better, you choose to believe him and let him off the hook?
Two things I will suggest to you, as a former wife of a former drunk. One is to tell him, calmly that he gets treatment or he gets out. Treatment means detox and AA, and right now, tonight. And the other is for you to get into Alanon, right now today. They can help you with your codependency.
I know you love him, and I know you want to believe him, but all drunks, and I mean every last one of them, are selfish liars. "Not the end of the world, calm down and we'll talk about it tonight" means "I need a drink, I'm hungover, I need a drink, she'll calm down and feel guilty for bugging me, I need a drink." Learn to speak "drunk" if you are going to stay with him.
You know he's on a downward cycle, you know this man well enough. The reason you are asking what to do on Yahoo Answers instead of packing, is because you can't believe how he snookered you again and you believed he had changed. Its ok, sometimes it takes us years to get a handle on it. It took me almost 30 years but I was able to find the strength to toss him out(after bailing him out of jail for a DWI and driving without a license, for the 6th time). He's a success story, sobered up, got the job of his dreams and moved out of state to start a new life. He only lost his family, his marriage, his home, his possessions and his car.
Again, I do know you love him. But he's sick and he's not going to get better unless he chooses to. You cannot make him. He will promise you anything and everything except what really matters, to help himself stop drinking. He can't, its beyond his ability and his control. If he won't help himself, help yourself and get him out of your life. Good luck to you, you aren't alone.
2007-11-02 04:10:42 · answer #6 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being an alcoholic is a disease, you have to be treated the rest of your life for it. No, it's not ok to have just 1, because it leads into 2,3,4,etc.. There's nothing worse than a NASTY DRUNK either. Talk him into going into rehab and they will teach him how to live life WITHOUT alcohol. I've been sober 10 years and I love the new me.
2007-11-02 04:03:46 · answer #7 · answered by cooter726 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he won't admit he's got a problem and seek help for it, then you should do what's best for you (and that is probably move on). He can't be forced or coerced into getting help, but your quality of life is important and you shouldn't have to put up with his behavior...especially since he could kill or be killed out driving while drunk.
Take care of you...
2007-11-02 03:57:15 · answer #8 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave his sorry butt and don't look back. yes you love him but you deserve better than his drunken a--!!!!! He wants to be that drunk he can do it without you in his life. Leave him now and don't go back what ever he says he's not going to change. in a month. He is not going for treatment. when people drink like that he's not going to change soon. he doesn't want to
2007-11-02 05:18:13 · answer #9 · answered by jennajade 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you cannot do anything for him. He has to hit his bottom over and over before he'll wake up and admit he needs help. Only he can call himself an alcoholic. I was married to one. I know. If you intend to stay with him, I suggest you get to Al-Anon. You will learn how to take care of yourself. It's a fantastic place to go. Good luck.
2007-11-02 04:01:48 · answer #10 · answered by dinny's engaged!! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋