I'm in a bad situation. I broke up with my fiance. We had many problems, money, child raising, etc. We were already having major money problems when I left. He was the biggest reason for these problems. Anyway, I got saddled with a lot of bills he caused.
Well, my sister took this time to turn her back on me and I have no other family in this state or even on this coast. I was hurting really badly and had no place to stay and no money because I'm paying everything I can to catch up on bills and I asked to stay at her place for 2 days and she said no and started berating me and saying how it was all my fault and she didn't care. Did I mention I have a 2 year old?
So, now I've been struggling for a few weeks on my own and I just can't catch up and without my sisters support I'm screwed. But, I won't beg. He wants to get back together and I know he is bad for me, but I just have no money and don't know what to do? I feel like I have to be with him right now.
2007-11-02 02:15:45 · 22 answers · asked by Highly Evolved 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He says he'll change, but he's said that before and I can tell he just doesn't get it. He's never learned how to be responsible and doesn't want to learn. But we got approved for this great apartment and I've been staying in a hotel for the last month because I've had no where else to go and I'm sick of my son living like that. Even though it is a nice hotel. Plus, I can't keep spending this kind of money on a hotel. But, I want my son and I to be safe and there is no place else to go.
2007-11-02 02:18:16 · update #1
How am I bad for him? I've supported and helped him for the last 2 years? And helped him reconcile with his mother and so many other things. Way to not read the story.
2007-11-02 02:22:13 · update #2
I can afford the hotel because I use priceline and I only have enough money to catch up on my carnote and pay for my cell phone and for the hotel then gas and food. There is NOTHING left over at the end of the week.
2007-11-02 02:43:04 · update #3
I also have my son's daycare to pay.
2007-11-02 02:43:42 · update #4
I am sorry to hear of such a situation. There are many programs that assist single parents all over the nation. I know several of them. If I knew what coast you were on I could better assist you. I have specialized in child care investigations along with protecting single mothers from being placed in harms way. I had a friend who was in a very similar situation...I was able to assist her and now she is very happy. I feel I could possibly do the same for you.
For starters, instead of calling your sister perhaps compose an email or letter, that way she can not cut you off and start "berating" you. The worst is, she would throw it out or not open it. I find with most people it more easier to write a letter expressing their emotions and concerns than it is to speak freely about them.
Moving on to your boyfriend / fiance`...well if he was the reason you got in to this mess, then what says you wont get in to it worse. The number one thing to remember as i am sure you have not forgot...is your child...do what you honestly believe is the best for the child.
If you would like further assistance from me..just email me.....good luck
2007-11-02 02:27:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your sister has turned her back - let her be!
You say that the guy is no good - leave him alone!
When times are really bad you become weak and take in anything or anyone thinking that they will help your situation - if youv'e been there before and its turned bad it will happen again only you will be in a worst state
Can you not get an apartment by yourself for you and your child... your struggling now but you seem to be keeping afloat - the best thing you can do is stay strong (cause sound it)
When you come through the other end and everything starts looking bright that's when you will find your sister coming back and probably the only reason why your ex wants to come back is because he finds it easier to sponge off you....
If you go back with him and move into the apartment can you pay everything yourself? If you can secure the place and then kick hiss A*** out... if not look for somewhere cheaper - when you hit rock bottom the only way is up
Good Luck
2007-11-02 02:30:12 · answer #2 · answered by Sugar S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a strong woman and you don't need to be with someone that is a harm to you just because they will offer you an advantage in this time of need. I know you must be really struggling but just look at your baby and WORK to make yourself triumph(which is something you CAN do) Just be strong and keeping going, stopping and looking around for answers wont help, keep pushing on. As for your sister, I think she is being very mean and judgemental. Regardless of whether or not you caused whatvere problems, she is your sister and family(especially your own sister) are the one that are supposed to be there for you at your lowest points. I dont want to say that you should too just abandon her but maybe just ignore her for now...her not taking you in is really not making anything easier so..I do hope that you can patch things up though because your family should be the most dear to you. Goodluck and I hope things work out for the best! Ciao! :o)
2007-11-02 02:26:02 · answer #3 · answered by Cilantro 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not so sure that using him is the answer, however, do what you have to do. If you need support right now and he is the only way, I say take the opportunity if you feel the need but hopefully you will be able to think of a better way, perhaps you could get a second job. That could be an option. Hope you make the right decision. Try and find you a good man. Good luck!
2007-11-02 02:20:37 · answer #4 · answered by Floridagirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So.. you are ready to "sell out" just because you hit a rough spot? You say you have a child, is this the child's father? If so, are you getting proper child support?
If you don't get the proper child support from the child's father, then you should pursue that option first. The child's father is should be held responsible for supporting his kid.
There are other options for you. Check with the local social programs, women shelters and churches. You will most likely find lots of places that are willing to help in the short term until you can get settled in to a place you can afford and get your finances straighted out.
If you left him for good reasons, then stay gone, because if you return it will only get worse. For once you do, he KNOWS you HAVE to be there and therefore can do even worse things. The emotional abuse will only escalate.
Good luck and I hope this helps!
2007-11-02 02:23:05 · answer #5 · answered by wrkey 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know that it's tough b/c you're like, "should I go with my heart or my mind." First, think of what's best for you and your son. Don't even consider taking him back until you and your son are secure. If you decide to go back to the apartment (which might be best in your situation), especially if both of your names are on the lease, make it CLEAR to him that nothing will develop between the two of you unless you change and I'm only staying here for the security of our son, not you. Tell him that it's only for a few months until you get on your feet and then you will be moving out. Sometimes it's takes you putting your foot down it order for him to change...if he change. Put your priorities first and get your life together for your son worry about the relationship later.
2007-11-02 02:35:50 · answer #6 · answered by bitterly_sweetness 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, first of all you need to know that lots of women stay in bad relationships because they need to be able to feed their kids. You are NOT alone, although I guess it feels like it.
There are a couple of links below to places where you can talk with people anonymously online or on the phone who can help you find some answers, and discuss real options you have in this situation.
You do have some choices, please get the facts before making a decision that will affect your child's future in a very immediate and complete way.
Best wishes to you :-)
2007-11-02 02:34:57 · answer #7 · answered by thing55000 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My thing is why are you stuck paying all the bills that he made? You go back to him now and he will just continue to put you further and further in debt and then what? Also, regarding your income, you can get assistant from the state as far as WIC, insurance for your child so you won't have to worry about that. They may be able to further assist you also while you try to get on your feet. In the meantime, see if maybe the rest of your family wherever they are can assist you.
2007-11-02 02:34:42 · answer #8 · answered by Pinolera 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can afford a nice hotel then why can't you get a small apartment for just you and your son? Talk to your creditors they may make your monthly payments lower so you can get on your feet. Credit cards well accept just the interest for a year if you call them. Don't get yourself into another and bigger mess by going back to him. Get a backbone and find a way to get through this mess on your own, your son deserves that much from you. It won't be easy but living with him wasn't either, Good luck.
2007-11-02 02:27:31 · answer #9 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Are you seriously considering this because of financial problems?? Or is it beause of the child? My advise, is kick the dude to the curb, stand up and be strong. You can make the best of a bad situation, and you will grow from this. I am sure you are feeling hapless, and rejected, but have faith in yourself and in God, and you will overcome the problems you think you are having now and come out a stronger person.
2007-11-02 02:23:25 · answer #10 · answered by Scott C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋