Do you all think she should stay in a marriage in which she does everything and he says that's what love is ?

Question

she married at 18. He was 24.
she does his laundry. irons his clothes. sets his bath water for him and cleans it when he is finshed. She works two jobs to help suppor the two children. He works partime and visits his friends
When he wants her to entertain him she drops everything and does whatever he wants.
He says shes a real woman/
She gives him all of her paycheck to do as he pleases. Often she borrows to keep the bills paid and to keep up the car she bought him.
She drives the car whenever he thinks she should. She says she loves him
He never responds but demands entertsainment instantly
Finally, when he feels lonely he asks her to invite her female adult cousins to chat.
They both are americans and for generations their parents and foreparents have been Americans
I tell her she is not in a marriage. She says she loves him and to mind my business. I dont say anything anymore.. What do you think? oh, He convinced her that all relationships are like this married 12 years

Im never offended by constructive criticism of me and im a concerned friend. She looks frustrated all the time and she looks un healthy, I dont say anything anymore. I just watch her deteriorate through the years,. Its sad

I never mention this to her but i wonder why he doesnt ask her to bring over male adult cousins to chat ? Of course its none of my business. I say nothing anymore,

Answer 1

Wow, this poor girl is a servant, not a wife...

She will grow to understand that the behavior of both of them needs to be modified. A self-respecting man would not allow his wife to work and he sit around wasting time. He has no respect for himself, which is why he has no respect for her.

She's jusr barely over being a child, and does not know. Do you know how to get her to realize? Those women she works with can give her all kinds of friendly advice without sounding like they are butting in. I had a similar life, (well, I still sort of live the same life but with direction) and had to buck up and listen to my friends... Ladies with strong wills who won't put up with crap.

But, it would be good to take her to movies where there are strong women.. something to influence her to make her see that there are better ways..

Good luck with your friend.

Answer 2

You sound exceptionally exhausted. i'm guessing you 2 have exceptionally solid well being care and make thoroughly passable earning. i do no longer understand you having no money except you 2 are only residing way previous your skill. How can anybody "make you supply up" going to a therapist? you're a expert 30 year previous mom of two with your guy or woman earnings. Why are you coping with your husband as in case you're a baby? Get your self decrease back into scientific care and take care of the matters you're having with your self. First. "I continuously joke that i'm a ingredient time single mom and as a replace of resenting him for no longer being there I only think of he ought to bypass away." that's the two the style you sense or a thank you to oftentimes slap your husband so complicated that he finally ends up finding out to artwork around the clock just to get remote from the "joke". Get your self decrease back into scientific care first... and then take yet another seem at your existence. Happiness is a variety. you're presently finding out to be unhappy. Take duty to your judgements. once you do this, action is a lot much less complicated.

Answer 3

Well, if she said to stay out of her business, then stay out of it. It is a one sided marriage I will say that and unfortunately there are many like her out there. Both my husband and I work full time, but because I want things done a certain way, I clean the house and do the yard because he can't cut grass on account of his allergies. I enjoy what I do and I have an 8 year old son that loves to clean and is very helpful. So, looking from the outside, it may seem that I am slaving for this man but I am not. He pays bills just like I do. He has his car and I have mine. In the end if she is frustrated she will eventually wake up one day. One thing about human nature is that when one's had enough, they had enough. Everyone has a breaking point.

Answer 4

Wow! Just Wow! If she seems content this way, there's not anything you can do about it. She apparently doesn't realize that what he's doing to her is a form of emotional abuse. Try dropping her off some info about this subject. A lot of women live like this, thinking there's no way out. There's always a way out.

Then again, I suppose some women are content to live this way. I know a woman that couldn't be happier than when she's "serving her man", whether it's fetching a him a beer, or pulling off his socks and shoes, after they've *both* worked all day.

You state that he has convinced her that all relationships are like this. Does she have any female friends? Maybe someone can convince her that she's in an abusive relationship, and that it's NOT normal.

Answer 5

OMG what kind of marriage is that? She is being used and abused, if it were me i would end it. Unfortunately there isn't anything you can do but be there for her as a friend. Hopefully she will see she can do better if she 1- refused to be his puppet or if she had a good talking to him and he still thinks marriage should be this way, the only other thing is to leave his sorry butt... She is with a loser in every way...

Answer 6

He's not going to change and she believes everything he says.

This one's a losing battle, I'm afraid.

Just prepare to be there in 10 or 15 years when he boots her for a younger model.

Best wishes and good luck!

Answer 7

sad situation and i feel sorry for anyone in her or your position but if you are her friend just be there for her one day she will get tired of it and then you can help her just make sure she isnt getting beaten if she is then you can interupt with the police and as long as he isnt doing anything illegal then be there for her just be her friend and when she needs it she will call for help and that my friend is what friends are for not to say that you havent tried because you have but one never tells a friend what to do against their will and she is playing mommy to three and is tired she will get there eventually be patient

Answer 8

She's right. Mind your own business. It's her life and she seems to be happy with it. I know you're concerned but not everyone is miserable serving someone else. Maybe it's just the way she is. I hope I haven't offended you.

Answer 9

She needs to give him a swift kick in the *** and inform him that from now, things are gonna change.

Answer 10

As sick as this relationship is, you must abide by her wishes. You have told her this is not love so she has been informed and still choose this life so let her live it.