What is wrong?

Question

i have been married 18 yrs. 3yrs ago i caught my husband talking about sex online esp about BDSM. I was disturbed by this. Finally I spoke to my husband last night that I wanted out of this marriage it is not making me happy. It not just the sex, it him watching sports all day or playing tennis all day. She said we have known each other for so long that passion dies, maybe it does die but don't you usually desire each other or give hugs to each other? Even after our little talk last night he still put on the tv today during the meals and is out playing tennis? What is wrong? Any one who is married do you still feel passion for each other, I want to be married to someone who is my best friend I don't think passion dies even if you have known someone for a long time. In need of some help.

Answer 1

Passion dies when you let it. As we know marriage is hard work, the same with friendship. It's giving of yourself everyday, every minute. Putting their happiness over your own. If he enjoys his activities why would you not be happy that he is enjoying himself? You have to put others feelings above your own for any 18 year relationship to work.

Answer 2

I haven't been with my husband for 18 years yet, but it has been 10. I still very much want to make love with him, and hold his hand, hug, and kiss him. We don't have that "I can't wait to get you into bed" frantic sex anymore, but we're still passionate about each other.
We hold hands in the car, or if we are taking a walk together. He still calls me during the day just to talk about how his day is going and to see how mine is going. We will send each other little text messages sometimes just to say I love you. We still talk to each other. Yes, we do each do things on our own sometimes without the other, but the majority of our time is spent together.
I don't think your marriage is unsaveable, but you both have to be willing to put in some extra effort. He seems to be emotionally disconnected from you. He would have to be willing to try to reconnect for it to work.

Answer 3

so what are YOU doing to keep this passion? do u hug him? kiss him? entertain him in bed? do u make some nice get aways for just 2 of u - like going to a spa or nice restaurant and then making long love? do u? i bet not. cos in that case u wouldn't be asking this question. it is very easy to critisize someone else and put all the blame on him. but it takes 2 to tango. this is your fault too, so start doing smth. like invite him on a date to a nice restauran. think what u will be talking with him about. entertain him. then make long, PASSIONATE love. to desire a passionate man u have to be passionate. u re obviously not. and do not fool yourself - if u suck as a woman with that one, even if u find a perfect another man in a few month he will become as your current husband - watching tv and playing smth.

Answer 4

Passion dies when couples let it. Once it's gone, it can be really tough to get back.

Sounds like your man just doesn't care. He's got his routine and has had it so long, that it's become the focus of his life (rather than his marriage being the focus).

Suggest counseling to get you guys back on track...otherwise you'll have to do what you can to liven things up but basically accept the situation or choose to move on.

Answer 5

TV and media the biggest social manipulator to split up are family’s!

Let’s see if this links below will give you some answers ore if this could be an inspiration to get a conmen goal again! Yes are social life are getting dismantled and there are some people which are responsible for are behaviour!
Look at some of the articles then you will find out why are family’s don’t last long anymore!


http://www.henrymakow.com/002138.html

Go Here:
http://www.savethemales.ca/archives.html
http://www.hourofthetime.com/majestyt.htm
http://www.illuminati-news.com/index.htm

Answer 6

If you want to leave then leave. If you want to save your marriage then do something that is totally unexpected. One day when he comes home from tennis or whatever be dressed in a super sexy outfit and start barking orders at him. It sounds to me like you need to dominate him in the bedroom to get his attention. During all this tell him the new rules..no tv, no tennis unless he asks permission. You get it. Spice it up a lot.

Answer 7

Marriage is hard work and if both members don't do the work it well fizzle. Your husband was not listening so show him, do something that well bring some of the romance back for you. He may learn by example.

Answer 8

I expect the talk you had with him was you nagging and him ignoring - and this is likely a pattern in your marriage

I like Jacq response above - besides talking at him what have YOU done to make a change

Answer 9

i think you are using the tv and tennis as an excuse. you need to talk to him about what is really bothering you.

Answer 10

Sometimes you have to do things to spice up your marriage. Talk to him about what he'd like to try and let him know things you'd like to try. If that doesn't work, seek counseling.