what would you do ??? if you were me?

Question

my husband ,has been married before ,,i have never met ex ,, but the thing is we moved into a new house about 14 months ago ,but just recently he started to put the things they had together around the house (clocks,painting,pictures, egt egt ) ,,as im house mum,i cant pay anything towords the mortgage ,,so when said to him about this problem last night ,he said he aint ever going to get rid of there things ,,and also said all my stuff can stay in the shed ,,coz its his house . i feel like wants to be reminded of her ,and as she left him ,i feel he wants it to be like there house .. i feel like leaving him over this ,as i dont want to be with someone who puts his past before his future ,,,,,what should i do as he doesnt care how i feel ???

Answer 1

I'd put him and his things in the shed.

Answer 2

I feel for you,he has no right to tell you your stuff can stay in the shed!. You are his wife and you should have input on your home.OK he has some things that he had with the ex but obviously he likes them or she would have taken them!!!but no one wants to be reminded of a partners ex.Would he consider selling them and buying something you both like for your home& invest it in other items for your home.. He seems to be rubbing your nose in the fact he pays and he has more rights than you .You are not a door mat.Your marriage is a contract whats mine is yours etc.If he really wont budge and is ignorant then you have to get out or your life will rotate around what he says and does for the rest of your days.It should be a partnership not hardship
Your job as a house mum is to look after your family and he should be supporting you emotionally not just financially and not belittle you!
Make it clear either he lets you make a home for your family or there is no point you being there ,You have rights and he must show respect to you and your feelings and not treat you like a lodger or hired help!!! I hope he sees sense if not you know he wont change and your worth more than all this.This is going to tell you once and for all how he feels and if he realy does not care about how you feel then pack your things and by the time the lawyers are through he can keep that shed.
Go and get a place that you can call home for you and your children,its a big step but i wish you all the best and hold your head up high xx

Answer 3

His house, that is not right you are married it's a house you own together. He decided to marry again and being in a marriage is about sharing a life together, money a home everything.

I would 'nt worry so much about the furniture but the pictures should not be there at all. I see it this way, you are sharing a new beginning with each other you need new furniture, new everything.

If he is putting his past before his future it is time too go. Don't stick around while he shreads your heart to pieces move on their are many guys out there who want a new happy future.

If he does not care how you feel, he does not care about your marriage. A marriage is a two sided situation do not abide by the rules he is laying down. Your just asking for a new beginning and if he is not willing to let go of the past and give you that you need to let go.

Leave, then he will realise by his stupid actions he lost some one that wanted to give him a new beginning and it will hit him harder then the last marriage.

Take care Kristy L

Answer 4

You know something, if a guy I lived with told me to keep all my stuff in the shed, I'd take this as a signal that the relationship is not working out so good and I'd leave. The fact that he has started putting things he had with his ex all around the house could mean that he just really likes those things and that it isn't that he misses his ex. I have lots of things that I had with my ex in my house to this day. What I would be tripping on is his cocky attitude about the house being his. If you two moved into it together, than it's both of your guys house. And even if you moved into the house after he had already lived there, it would still be your house too because he invited you into it. Therefore, you should be free to decorate it anyway your heart desires. I'd be looking for someplace else to live. Your guy sounds like a control freak.

Answer 5

You have a very ill marriage - when you get married you make a commitment to each other - and the phrase is "we two are one": this means that there is no concept of what is "his" or what is "Yours", there is only the concept of what you both have. So what he pays the mortgage? That means nothing, he has agreed to marry you which means sharing everything, you are married so it's not his hosue any more than it is yours.
It sounds like there was a very small gap between his last wife and you and that he didn;t give himself time to re-develop himself as a person and get back his own idnetity when his last marriage went wrong. he is trying to do that now and is acting very selfishly - you do not have a balanced relationship at all and that gives him power and control and protects him emotionally from this current marriage going wrong.
If you don't like a picture he should move it - your emotions should be his first consideration. If they are not then you know what you have to do - get out before it gets worse. Get out before he breaks your self esteem down to nothing.

Answer 6

Although you can't contribute to the household financially, if you moved into the house after you were married, the house is yours too. A marriage is a partnership. Both partners need to contribute 100% of their efforts to make the marriage "partnership" work. He contributes the $$$ by working outside the home. You contribute to the household...everything. Remind him that you are the maid, chef, chauffer, babysitter, teacher, advisor, gardener, laundry service, and take care of his needs as well. Remind him that without your contributions, the household would not run itself.

He's being selfish, and not allowing you to put your things in your house is a form of emotional abuse. It's one of his ways of controlling you.

Let him know that it hurts your feelings to see him displaying things that belonged to his ex-wife, while he requires you to keep your things in the shed. Tell him how you feel. If he seems to disregard or ignore your feelings, it's time to sit down and think really hard about whether you want to spend the rest of your life with this man. If he's receptive to your conversation about your feelings, you might suggest to him that *both* of you do a bit of shopping together for things that you both like.

Edit: After re-reading your question...If you already know that he doesn't care about how you feel....run, run, run like the wind. His attitude toward your feelings will only get worse.

Answer 7

I am a divorced man and now I live with an other woman. My ex wife with who we have a dauther remaind alone. I see my ex wife few times a month, and if she asks me to help her in some problem I always (or most of the case) help her. This is mostly physical work, but not always. My present partner never complained about this, and I would never accept such a complain. All sexual things stopped between me and my ex, but many personal things did not stop, even we have some common programs with her, with our dauther, and me. I think this is the human way of divorcing: remaining friends and not enemies. I hope I will not separate from my present partner, but if it happened, I would treat her the same way: she could also calculate with my help.

Answer 8

My husband did this right before he moved out ...changing all the pictures on the walls . He started putting pictures of single times he had ...work related things . He started buying all sorts of new junk . He was subconsciously telling me he no longer wanted our family . He took down pictures of us together Work pictures went up ... it was sick. then he moved out. that was a sign he wanted out .I guess ...not man enough to tell me though. People started coming over everytime I had off from work . He made a point to entertain w/ a much younger crowd . It was horrible . He became someone i didn't know ...and he didn't care . Our family time ended... He would ask the kids to go places and not me or he would wait until I couldn't go .. these were all clues he was letting go ..... Wake up HUN... its time you see things a little clearer..

Answer 9

How can you let him treat you like this, she is supposed to be his ex wife, he is starting a new life with you. If he doesnt care how you feel then maybe he doesnt love you and the marraige was a mistake. When you marry it becomes a partnership whats yours is his and whats his is yours, if he cant do this then it is not an equal relationship. Try once more to speak with him about this, if you get no joy then my advice would be to leave him. Maybe that is why his ex wife is his ex.

Answer 10

You can find a way to get some money out of him for extra groceries or whatever.Get all the money together you can.Then just leave and get a lawyer and get your part of the house and whatever else he has and let him sit and look at his ex-wife's things.If your on his bank account clean it out when you leave as well.In court they might make you give half of it back but you will have money to move and get a lawyer.Good luck

Answer 11

we talking materialistic things? rite!
well if your the women of the house , make sure he allows you to be the one, with no influence of another women, in which i can totally undertsand where you coming from....
those things that surround you, are his history his past and his memories, ive learnt you cant take them away from anyone person, not even me, but if it were things that were from another lover i have learnt to let that go, if it doesnt have any value except for the person that gave you whatever it is, then there still is a connection that we all hold on to, and it may or may not affect our new lovers but when it does, thats when its time to let go..... u know what im saying.. good luck and thnk about where you really stand with him and wherw is your place in his heart and in his home... ask him, thats all you can do, good luck and yeah maybe he's that type whats his is his and this is his house not urs our ours but his,,