Hi ... I'd like to hear a female point of view on this please ... I've spoke to a few men about it and they all seem to agree that she is .... I'd like to believe that she isn't, but I think I'm too trusting for my own good ...
We got married in May. We're currently living on opposite sides of the country.
I constantly get accused of cheating myself even though I'm working roughly 16 hours a day from home.
About a month after we got married she told me I was crap in bed ... this dented my confidence a great deal ...
She text me at about 4am a few months ago telling me she had been unfaithful (she later said it was a lie but she constantly reminds me how much she 'loathes' liars).
When we're together we rarely have sex - she spent 11 days at mine recently and we had sex twice (after a lot of talk from her about how we should spice up our love life).
I was told yesterday that I'm boring. She never used to go out but now seems to want to go out all the time with her new friends.
2007-11-01 23:13:56 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
** I couldn't fit this bit in! **
She's being really nasty to me again recently, I'm unable to talk to her ... she's actually training to be a counsellor and spends a great deal of time telling me that we should communicate more etc ... it never actually happens.
She recently told me she was 'highly sexed' ... like I said earlier we rarely have sex.
She's mentioned a few things about the builders working at her home recently ... things like leaving sex toys around for them to find ... them going through her underwear drawer while she's not there ... I think she tried to pass it off as a joke but I get the impresssion she's actually fantasising about it happening ...
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The impression I'm getting at the moment is ... Husband and wife not getting on ... 150 + miles apart, husband crap in bed ... wife bored and 'highly sexed' (her words) ... no sex life ... wife wanting to go out ... = affair.
I really hope I'm wrong but I've got people telling me I'm not.
Thanks
2007-11-01 23:22:05 · update #1
*** FORGOT TO MENTION THIS BIT! ***
While she was at my house last week she was getting an awful lot of text messages ... she used to get very few but they seemed to have increased a great deal recently ...
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I have been cheated on in the past by the mother of my son and I seem to be getting the same signals all over again ...
From the answers I've had so far it looks like my worst fears are true.
Thanks for taking the time to answer ...
2007-11-02 00:26:40 · update #2
sounds to me she is, and it sounds like the sex toys is a hint that she is, or that these people going through her drawers is actually a hint that she is... she's playing mind games and is basically admitting that she is, in my opinion! if you want to save this marraige, she has to agree to quit her job and live where you are at. Apparantly, the long distance is hurting your relationship... as far as boring in bed, who does she think she is??? geez... apparently, she has spent too much time online to think she knows what a person should be like in bed! =(... it's about being together, who cares if it's all that great, lol! her new friends are a bad influence... basically, you have to stand up to her and tell her she is your wife, she is supposed to act like it... and if she don't stop acting like a spoiled child you will have to divorce... seems to me she is up to no good when you are not around =(... time for the ultimatum... the marraige!, or her sexual/fantasy/party life...
2007-11-01 23:50:53 · answer #1 · answered by elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but your wife doesn't sound like a very nice person. It sounds as if she's placing all the blame on you. I hope that when she told you you were "crap in bed" that she didn't put it that way.
I don't think that your wife is cheating... but I do think that she might have lost interest or become frustrated with your relationship. She may have been unfaithful once. The text is confusing. Either she did cheat or she thinks you're cheating and wanted to rile you up.
I think you need to have a really serious talk with her. Tell her it's make or break. Tell her to come clean if she's cheated. Tell her to stop accusing you of cheating and ask her why she's so convinced that you are cheating. Ask her how you can solve that issue, because you don't want paranoia messing up your relationship.
Then tackle the sex issue. It takes two people to have a good sex life. The mere fact that she has said you're 'crap in bed' means that SHE is not very good in bed. To be good in bed means that you know how to please the other person and also know how to get the other person to please you. She can't just expect you to know what to do - she has to show you. And now it is HER fault that things are strained. It's very good to talk about sex and to suggest spicing things up; but it's very bad to put all the blame on the other person. What does she expect you to do?!
I think you should tell her how you're feeling - it sounds as if she has this "woe is me" mindset and thinks that she is the only one wronged in this marriage. I'm sorry, but how dare she call you boring? Why on Earth did she marry you if she thinks you're boring? She also sounds quite immature and childish (is she younger than you by any chance?)
Don't put up with this behaviour. I know you are married, but there is no point staying in this relationship if you are not happy.
Talk face to face when you next can (not on the phone) and ask her to list the problems she has, and you list yours. Talk until everything is resolved. Do not leave the conversation without things being resolved.
It may be that you got married for the wrong reasons, or too quickly, and now you are learning things about each other that perhaps you didn't know beforehand.
You need to have a really good talk and see if the marriage can be salvaged. It sounds as if she is not happy and neither are you. I hope you can find a way to be happy - whether it's with or without her.
xx Emmie
EDIT - I've read your other questions just to get a bit of background and my God, she sounds like a horrible woman. I don't mean to make you feel bad (honestly) - but I get the impression that you are the Nice Guy that women like her love to walk all over. The good thing is, there are millions of Nice Girls out there who would treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
2007-11-01 23:30:58 · answer #2 · answered by Sparklepop 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, the only thing there that would make me think that she's cheating is that she told you at 4 am that she was unfaithful. The other stuff, well, all men think they are gods in bed until women talk to them about sex (probably why it was considered inappropriate for women to discuss such things until after feminism came along.) And as for you being boring and her wanting to go out more often, well she made some new friends (probably because you live so far away from each other), discovered that she enjoys having a social life and was just trying to get you to go out too! Having friends and going out and partying or whatever is not a sign of cheating.
2007-11-01 23:19:35 · answer #3 · answered by some female 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes. Sorry dear. I do think she is cheating and the fact that you do not live in the same place makes me even more sure.
*Personal Experience*
When a woman loves you, and you don't live together, she spends a lot of time thinking about you and calling you and wanting to talk to you and telling you how much she wants to make love to you whether you are any good or not. And she would never tell you you weren't good either, she would hint on places she likes to be touched or things you could do differently to give her the feelings and experiences she wants. When a woman loves you, truly loves you, the thought of cheating on you is unthinkable. No one could possibly make her feel the way you do and no one can compare, again, whether you are any good or not.
Her statement about you being "boring" makes it sound like she is getting something she considers more exciting from someone else.
So sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but I do really think she is cheating.
Best of luck to you.
And I am a woman, by the way ;)
2007-11-01 23:27:50 · answer #4 · answered by Kydra 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hate to say it but it sounds like she is cheating. I mean why joke about something like that. Seems like she's putting you down a little too much also. If you're so boring she should let you know what it is you need to do to not be boring. Why is she up at 4 am sending text messages about being unfaithful? Sounds like the perfect booty call or time to cheat. Have you met any of these new friends that she's going out with all the time? All of the signs are there.
2007-11-01 23:21:35 · answer #5 · answered by jucee77 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i don't know whether or not she is cheating although her questioning you about it alkl of the time is a good sign that she is, but she is treating you really badly and i think you deserve better.
however, it could just be that she resents the fact that you have just got married and are living so far apart. talk to her about this.
she could be gettin more msgs from a lover or it could be that because you are so far away from home all the time, she gets lonely and has made some new friends.
talk to her. go home for a wknd and sit down without fones in the room, no distractions, just you and her and tyalk about all of your concerns.
get her to write a list about what is wrong with the relationship ajnd you write one too and see what you agree on cos tjese are the things you can change.
all the best xxx
2007-11-02 01:23:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-05-18 10:26:01 · answer #7 · answered by anthony 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't put up with the things she says to you. A marriage is supossed to be based on respect to eachother, loving, affection. She is obviously not doing that, so you shouldn't worry about her having an affair or not.
I know this is not what you want to hear, but I feel your marriage is over. No matter what happens next, she does not respect you, and you should never let anyone affect your confidence that way.
You are a unique person, and a great one as well, and you should believe this firmly and not let anyone, not even your wife, tell you otherwise.
I wish you good luck!!!
2007-11-01 23:29:35 · answer #8 · answered by Sesoid 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-04-29 13:07:37 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with stunner - have her followed. Althogh if she has builders in an out of her house it might be hard to track that. As someone else said, either way she's treating you shockingly, and you need to perhaps lay down the law a bit and tlel her to buck her ideas up. She may even just be unhappy and too chicken to finish with you herself. Or she might just be haing post wedding cold feet and could be scared that she's now with one man for the rest of her life. Either way, you can't go on with life like that. Is there anyway you can move back home to her to try and make a go of it?
2007-11-01 23:31:42 · answer #10 · answered by Xai 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋