how do you like this song? (my song)?

Question

what do you think of this song? shall i continue or drop the idea?
" i'm always with you"

girl, look around you,
you'll always find me soon.

open your eye,
and let me take you to the sky.

please don't put yourself down,
my princess, cause it really puts me down.

please don't mourn,
please don't cry,
please don't let me feel that you would die.

whenever you feel your day has been bad,
you know, i'll be the one to feel sad.

whenever you'll feel thristy,
i'll let the clouds be gusty.

what do you tink of this song? shall i continue?

Answer 1

simple lyrics and effective but its the delivery of those lyrics that will make the song. i prefer to create the music before the lyrics but work on the delivery of the vocals and you never know. good luck

Answer 2

It's not metered very well, and the lyrics don't tend to lead anywhere in particular. It looks like a dead end, friend.

I was working on this one. See how it meters and uses imagery?

Never In My Dreams

You’re here in my heart, I’ll never be alone
You always take my pain away
When I hear that sweet voice on the phone
Like coffee, your love starts my day

I wish that I could wake every sunrise
To you, by my side every time
I thrill to dream of your eyes
Staring dark and straight into mine

The sting from the tears I cry each time you leave
Lets me know the pain is real and I must believe
That someday soon, we'll be as one
Until then, I can tell everyone
I may be alone, but never in my dreams

BRIDGE And if I were a million miles away
I'd miss your smile
And if I had a million walls in the way
I'd see your eyes
My love, there's nothing I wouldn't do
To be right there next to you
Right there next to you

The sting from the tears I cry each time you leave
Lets me know the pain is real and I still believe
That someday soon, we'll be as one
Until then, I can tell everyone
I may be alone, but never in my dreams

Answer 3

haha ok good this can be a lame option however I Got You Babe. Every yr in basic institution, the academics made all of the youngsters placed on a obligatory efficiency for the skillability exhibit; like in many instances they made us placed on a play, different occasions it was once a dance and so on. (one time we needed to sing all of the exhibit tunes from Calamity Jane -___- they are nonetheless in my head even now two many years later T__T). One yr my trainer made everybody sing (both solo or duet). Me and my exceptional buddy ended up making a song the Sonny and Cher tune lol we even needed to get dressed up like we had been from the 60s; like with the ones circle tint lense glasses and feather headbands and stuff (I feel my mother nonetheless has the video tape someplace O__O). We didnt win the exhibit rationale we had been too busy giggling to honestly manipulate to sing whatever xD but it surely was once nonetheless amusing lol, in order that tune regularly rings a bell in my memory of that and of my historic exceptional buddy

Answer 4

Its a good start, but dont worry about rhyming too much.
just write what u feel needs to be said.

Answer 5

continue...... but with lots of improvement specially in finding the suitable words. thirsty and gusty.....? it's a no no thing.....


have a nice day


life's good

Answer 6

awesome...so awesome...please continute! look forward to hearing you on the radio soon! :D

Answer 7

it's cool

Answer 8

its jammin, its jammin. you like jammin too.