This is a convoluted question, so please answer only if you're serious. Given this situation: Your wife has

Question

become a person who no longer wants or needs to have sex. She flat out states it's just not that important to her. She doesn't anticipate it, and never initiates it. You've been married ten years, had three boys, and are about as successful at work as you could have ever dreamed. Your wife knows full well that she is number one in your eyes, yet there just isn't any attraction there anymore. She claims to want you around, but it's probably because that's what husbands are "supposed" to do. She even took a job working overnights, to seemingly get away from your sexual advances. And there is absolutely no chance she is cheating. Basically, you're 35 and your sex life is dead, until you end it, or cheat.
Given that, there were times in your younger days when you turned down free no-strings sex (bj's, hj's, etc) with some girl, for whatever reason.
Would you tell your boys when they were old enough to never ever turn down sex, because some day you're going to be married?

The thing is I do make it pleasurable for her. It's always been about pleasing her, what is it that she needs/wants, etc. And we have talked until she gets ticked off (and NOT becuz I'm pressuring her) I'm extremely sensitive towards her. And she gets the most annoyed when I bring up the hormones out of whack thing. She has even called me a sex freak, and maybe I need to be seen (this was years ago) when I wnated to have sex every other day.

And before you ask me why I married her, things weren't like this at the start. And before you stereotypical women start in, I have never lost the interest in romancing her.

I figure I'm done until the day I finally cheat. I just don't want the boys to ever go through this hell. They're bound to have a high sex drive too, and get tricked into getting married.

Answer 1

I taught my Son and I tell my Grandsons to get all they can while they are in school because they will never be in a place with so many women again in there life.Enjoy life and get all you can while your young because everything is worse when you get older.Good question.Sorry about your wife.

Answer 2

In general since you say you are all about pleasing her it could be about other things. Is she angry about something else? Sometimes people will use sex as a backhanded way to get even with someone else. Perhaps she feels overwhelmed with all the responsibilities? She works, takes care of 3 boys, has a husband, a house she has to take care of. Maybe she just needs some her time. Try not to make sex an issue right now.
I will tell you this. I have been married for almost 5 years. My sex drive is enormous however soon after we were married, my husband told me that he did not care for sex. He said many other things that were not nice either. I could not stop my body from wanting it even though he is not there for my pleasure. He thinks he is. He does stuff that even though I tell him I don't like it and I do tell him what I like he refuses to do it. I rarely have an orgasm with him. One day I went on antidepressants, and suddenly I didn't want sex. I was very happy because it no longer mattered to me he could do what he wanted and that would be that.
Now I know now that the reason for his attitude toward our sex was because he was and is angry with me. There is nothing I can do about it. I refuse to cheat and therefore never will but since he is my husband I must put up with what is going on. Why is he angry? Say something and that's why that is why I can not do anything about it. That is just the way he is. It was not like that in the beginning but it is now.
For your wife, stop making sex an issue try to find out why she no longer wants it. She is not telling you so you need to do some investigating without pissing her off.
As for your boys not all marriages are like that. There are good times and bad times, and many couples enjoy great sex all the years they are married. I know my husband thinks it's great. I do what I can to please him and I know that I do. He is satisfied. So I would not tell your boys to not turn down sex because one day they will be married. I would encourage them to find a wife that they get a long with and teach them now how to handle family problems in a good way. One that will not destroy the family.

Answer 3

There are many factors that could be causing your wifes lack of sexual desire; especially, if she isn't interested in any one. Her hormone levels could really be out of wack, which happens alot these days in your 30's and 40's. Also, there are alot of medications that can play havoc with your libido. There are also many medical conditions and stress.

Maybe you could talk to your wife (without pressuring her) and tell her you miss what you use to have and ask her to see a doctor that you are concerned about her.

Unless something else has happened to her like sexual abuse that she hasn't worked through, this sounds like a medical problem.

And no, don't tell your boys to get it where ever.

Also, I went through this for a while, was given all kinds of anti depressents, and found out I had cancer. I'm not trying to scare you, but there may be a medical issue here that needs to be ck'd out.

It is also very common for there to be up's and downs in sexual activity. Usually when children are younger and are more demanding, women are tired more and aren't as interested in sex. It takes more effort mentally for women to get into sex. So, getting started is sometimes a challenge, but once started we enjoy it.

I've been married 20 years and no my husband at times hasn't gotten it as much as he wanted it. If I knew now what I didn't know then, I would have worked a little harder in that department. But we are making up for lost time now. Thought I would through that in after the first comment I saw.

Good luck!

Answer 4

No, I wouldn't tell them that. Just because your wife won't give you the time of day doesn't mean theirs will do the same. Plenty of married people have sex until they're physically too old to manage it. This is a problem with your wife being frigid and it's definitely not true about all marriages...that just sounds really bitter and kinda sad.

Answer 5

After reading all that, your question at the end threw me off a bit. But if that's what you want to know:

If want want your boys to grow up to be men you are proud to to call your sons, then your first word of advice should be to always, always, always respect a woman - not because of chivalrous reasons but because as she is person with a mother, father, brothers, sisters, etc. That is, she is a human being like you, son. THEN. You could explain the wonderful and varied world of sex. There's the kind you have with someone you love. Then, there's the kind you have with someone you like. Then, there's the kind you have when you're just horny and it's to fulfill a physical need. As long as the other party is on the same page and there is no deception, there should be no shame about having sex

Answer 6

I am sorry that is happening to you. It is probably hard on her too. She could have a diminished sex drive for a variety of reasons: depression, stress, hormones. As for telling your children to have sex with everyone because of a personal experience... no. I think you need to step back from the situation and look at it objectively. Your understandably emotionally involved, but if its not lack of love, there may be more going on with your wife than meets the eye. Best of luck to you.

Answer 7

This makes me wonder if she's ever had an orgasm. My frequency is at least once a week, maybe 2x, and if it doesn't happen, I'm doing it myself. Are you sure she doesn't fake the orgasm, and maybe has never had an orgasm? That's the only reason I can think of for not needing it at all. Email me if u want.

Answer 8

No, because not every woman turns out the way that wife is... ultimately the boys should be the ones to decide if they want the "free no-strings" sex. The boys should also be aware of the risks of having sex in general, let alone no-strings.

Answer 9

Get your wife to see a doctor she maybe suffering from depression or some thing that is killing her sex drive and medication could help.

Answer 10

Women generally lose interest when a man stops making the effort to woo her long before they get to bed. When a woman stops feeling like she is attractive, or is taken for granted they lose interest in sex. You and your wife need to go to marriage counseling. Either you are doing something wrong, or their is a problem with her sex drive. There are solutions for both problems.

Do not ruin your son's lives by telling them things that may not even happen to them. They may be perfectly capable of keeping their wives' interest. Just because you have failed, does not mean they will. I know plenty of husbands that are in long term marriages, and they are doing just fine keeping their wives happy, according to their wives. You just have not figured out how. Besides the more random sex, the better possibility of contracting HIV.