We have been married 17 yrs., but loosing spark. This person, has just made me feel so alive again, my only problem is my kids. If it weren't for my kids I'd be gone in a heartbeat, I cant stand to have my husband touch me, and can't wait for my "friend" to touch me. Part of the problem is, i am very new at the whole internet thing and don't know if I am reading too much into it even though he has told me he wants me to come see him. Help!!!!!!!!!
2007-11-01 20:05:40 · 28 answers · asked by YankeeSouthernMama 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If your unhappy with your husband staying for the kids is no reason to be with him. Be honest with your husband he deserves that much, don't go cheating behind his back. It's pretty sad that your willing to give up your commitment you made to your husband for some strange man your talking to online that you've never even met.
2007-11-01 20:13:39 · answer #1 · answered by lina 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO NO NO NO.... do NOT do this. It is an illusion... a feeling. Re-read what the others say about looking back at your 17 years of marriage... to the one who is commited to YOU. I can surely promise you, this will bring you so much regret it will be unbearable. You will wish you'd never even thought of it, much less done it. You'll miss the husband who loves you. Your children will truly suffer. I know it's hard for you to believe what I'm saying, because you are caught up in the emotion of this right now. Him being a serial killer is probably not the problem. Him knowing you are married and pursuing you anyway is the problem. If he has so little respect or feelings for your husband and family, as human beings, then he will not for you either. what will you do when he breaks it off so smuggly and you are left with nothing but heartache you can't escape? I hate to be so harsh, but it's the truth. I have some info that might help you if you want it. Feel free to email me. I pray that you will not do this. Do not listen to people when they tell you to leave your husband because the relationship has declined. It's easy for them to sit in their computer chairs and dictate someone else's life. They will not be there for you when you're suffering... and if so.. it'll only be some words on the screen. It won't be arms around you... arms that love you so very much, even though they aren't perfect arms.
2007-11-02 02:21:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be honest with your husband about your feelings. Doesn't he deserve at least that much from you? 17 years is a lot to just throw away on an internet fling that will probably end up being nothing within a few weeks. Besides, you need to be careful with meeting people over the internet.
My friend almost met some guy from online. The only thing that stopped her was the fact that she looked his name up on the Megan's Law site and he was on the list of sex offenders.
2007-11-01 21:03:32 · answer #3 · answered by mlvue 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, first of all, this guy you met online could be a not so nice guy. Anybody can get on the internet and become somebody they are not. Secondly, you are still married, and even though your marriage is not meeting your needs, you are still married. It doesn't matter if your husband is not living up to his part of the relationship, you owe it to yourself to respect your vows. Either get counseling for your marriage or end it. If you choose to end it, then you can do whatever you want. Staying together for the kids is not an excuse.
2007-11-01 20:11:55 · answer #4 · answered by lordmisrule2004 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Be careful. There must have been a void there for you to start this up in the first place. First, address that problem. Its not the internet guy that has created the problem, it must have been there before.
You don't know who this man is, he may be genuine - he may be a weirdo... they can make up all sorts on the net... the thing is he is fulfilling a space that your husband should be filling. Don't ruin this whole thing for a fantasy. To this point, that's all it is and you have to get things in perspective before you make rash decisions. Its hard when your marriage isn't right, and there's this man, mystery man, who has all you think you want and all the right suggestions, builds your confidence... has taken your situation over really. Be realistic and down to earth about it. Think straight and dont jeopardize it all for an unknown entity.
2007-11-01 21:57:11 · answer #5 · answered by dunwerse 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off- You are not doing your husband OR, repeat OR your kids any favors by staying in an unhappy marriage. If you have been married 17 years, you are surely old enough, even if you are "new at the whole Internet thing" to know that words on a computer are NOT real life. You are romanticizing this other guy. You don't even know him. He could be an axe murder with smooth words. No, I am not kidding. Think about it.
2007-11-01 20:19:36 · answer #6 · answered by 8 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is so easy to be really open with someone you haven't ever seen. You say things to that person you wouldn't really say to someone in person until perhaps you have known them a really long time. The day to day stresses in marriages can take a toll on your love life. You have to deal with bills, children schedules, in-laws, and just the day to day crap with your husband. This guy is a fantasy, you don't have to deal with anything but you, your feelings and the high it gives you. The only thing it is like a drug an escapism.
You do not really know this person, he could be a rapist, murderer, have HIV or some other STD. Are you willing to risk hurting not only yourself, your husband and your kids but maybe endangering your life.
Be really careful. Sometimes the grass is not always greener.
If you really want to leave your husband, you don't want to try to spice things up, get counseling or work on the marriage, be honest. Divorce him and then start an honest relationship with someone, otherwise you may really get burned.
2007-11-01 20:15:28 · answer #7 · answered by Nicole 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you know the answer, you have answered it yourself. You say you are new to the Internet so you obviously haven't been "chatting, cybering" very long.......
It is very exciting when you first go online a whole new world opens up and it is like been young and single all over again. The reality is though you have a husband and a family.
Think very carefully before you do something you may very well live to regret......
My advice is take things slowly with your Internet guy. In the mean time try and communicate to your husband how you feel and put your energies into that relationship!!
You owe it to yourself and your family to give yourself and them your best.
I note you say loosing the spark, so it isn't gone, try fanning it a bit :) I wish you well
2007-11-01 20:24:48 · answer #8 · answered by shari 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
there is such a thing as re kindling your marriage. it sounds like your heart left a long time ago though if you are "cheating" online and yes its already cheating cause if it wasnt cheating you would tell your husband about your new friend. I think you just love the attention you are getting from this online friend since you are not getting it at home. I believe once you meet and what not that spark will die too cause there is no mystery left.
do yourself and your family a favor and move out and be by yourself until you can find happiness
2007-11-01 20:33:20 · answer #9 · answered by T F 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should pursue anything with anyone until you have divorced your husband. You don't have to be an expert with the internet thing to know that people are not always up front with everything. That's why the internet is so popular, anyone can just pretend to be anything. Plus, you know that just "talking" to that person online does constitute cheating since time and attention are now diverted to him instead of your husband. Please end things first with your husband, then pursue whomever you want to pursue. Always remember, do not do to others what you don't want done to you. Good luck.
2007-11-01 20:41:09 · answer #10 · answered by Jane_S 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋