one of my latest poems. all feedback wanted good bad whats your opinion.?

Question

to dodge a bulltet here and now im not emo for the record.and i just was in a really bad fight with a loved one.

Tears arrange on my face,
Trying to cover up all my ashes and mistakes,
Each drop shows concealment of my real face,
I have fallen far from grace,

Smacking killing all that will fall,
But the world is glued,
To the dreams I live on,
So no more chance of what is gone.

Nails tare and shred along my wall,
Leaving red as I ball,
My hands they cling,
To my stained wall,

Leaving traces of fear,
That brought more than one tear,
In all of my life,
It’s bringing nothing to me but strife,

All I think of is slamming my head against this window pane,
Striking and Shattering glass,
For I know it will fall,
Trying to feel no more shame,
But they save me again to my distain,

Please take me away from all this insanity,
Tears locked up inside my coffin,
Stamped and sealed shut,
Ship me off to the place they call hell.

I have hid my emotion far from the living,
So I don’t have to do anymore giving,

If I show no hope of what should have come,
I wont be let down from finding that there is none.

Answer 1

Tears are one of the most cliched sources for imagery in any language. You should find unique ways of phrasing them, or omit them completely.
As Kevin said, your poem's meter is erratic, which makes it difficult to read, and some of the rhymes are forced, which I wouldn't label as a negative, though, since your poem is an angry one. There are also some spelling errors, although I didn't catch any malapropisms. Just regular spelling errors, such as "distain," instead of disdain.
This isn't a bad poem, necessarily, and the language isn't overtly clunky or awkward like the majority of emo-themed poems, but there really is nothing really unique about it. You don't accomplish anything that will grant this poem permanence - it's rife with cliches and imagery that have been trodded upon since time immemorial.
My suggestion is to find a way to suffuse originality or at least compelling imagery into this poem.

Answer 2

Well, your rhyme scheme is uneven, many of your rhymes are forced, your lines are chaotic, at least a few words are spelled incorrectly (or they're malapropisms), and yet I still hear your voice.

It is apparent that you were in an upset frame of mind when you wrote this...that's okay, because you now have a framework to which you can go back and edit. This is the kind of poem that benefits from age...let it sit for a day or two, then revisit it and read it out loud to yourself. You'll hear the hard spots and be better able to distance yourself from the emotion that caused the choatic lines. Let the rhyme come...don't force it. If it means you need to completey rewrite the line, so be it; if you can't find a word that rhymes, rethink the need to rhyme and try freeverse. If you decide to keep a line, but you read it differently than you wrote it, rewrite it. For example, if you pause between words, but you don't have a comma in the line, put one in...or an ellipses (...).

Edit it in a few days...then repost when you feel it not only says what you feel, but in such a way that it makes others feel the way you felt.

...and keep writing

Answer 3

I LOVE this poem it was great...I felt the emotion, the pain, and the anger...i related to the poem and thats wat i think poems should do give the reader something they can relate to...i was pulled in deeply...keep up the good work ♥