what do you think he wants?

Question

He says he loves me , but has told me before he wasnt in love with me, then back to he loves me . this all started when i caught him trying to hook up on line with others, then started taking another girl to lunch everyday and saying he can have friends if he wishes never let me have male friends. then one day said if he wasnt with me he could be with someone else . then said there wasnt noboby not doing anything iam nuts . and that all he does is go to work and come home.I believe that its between work and home Iam worried about being he can say hes working somewhere and be doing something else. tells me just sick of my mistrust, well when i trusted him he was trying to hook up with someone else, and that was before he gotdeployed put me in debt. tried to make sure i got nothing, ignores my hurt and pain tonight for example hes in the living room sleeping . because I got some womans appointment card in the mail with her name and our address we been here for 10 years so first time mail

so the first time i ever got mail for her called the place they said oh her okay just ignore it .cause i let them know she doesnt live there and never has. before this several months ago when he was deployed it was a different girl who lives in my town using our telephone number as hers.of course he didnt know her ither.2 weeks ago we was fighting we have 2 girls together 12 and 6 he was in our room and takes out his gun puts 3 bullets in it and puts it to his head i just kept on talking about what i needed to say and then finally i said put that up before it really goes off, he says i was going to do it. then i bitched about it a week later and said iam sick of your guilt trips he says what you talking about i said just like pretending you was going to shoot yourself i said thats abuse he said oh really is it all dumb like then said i dont know what your talking about i never did anything like that .whats he trying to do he never use to be this way i think he just wants me to leave

because i think hes playing around with someone or whom ever he can get on the sex finder sights. so now thinks who gives a crap about me because he can just hook up with someone else , but always saying till death, do we part. I am living with the devil for 14 years he was good very caring never made me cry listened to me now its iam crazy nut job and cant i see i need help.

he was deployed in kuwait and was on escort review then and saying he loved me . i dont think his deployment was the problem being he was hooking up before he left . now he says it was because he thought i wouldnt wait for him ok so put me in debt and try to get out of paying me for taking care of our kids while he was gone. doesnt make since to me, now your home for over a year acting the same way if not worse, I think he was a little boy in a candy store and now hes hooked . this is for the guy that asked where he was deployed

I dont think I can just get a way without letting him know where iam at when we have kids.and also havent worked in almost three years and nobody seems to want to hire someone thats only worked part time here a there to help with bills or worked 2 years maybe fulltime here and there.and his uncle is always telling him I controll him and he needs to put his foot down and theres more fish in the sea . I hate my life and myself for not moving on when he was deployed sometimes cause I know this would happened ,but didnt want to believe it . I had a welcome home party for him at his uncles and guess who shows up a escort woman who he claimed he didnt know she kept getting calls and saying my business calls and how she slept with a 16 year old once i flipped on her and made her leave and then his family turned on me and said i need to grow up some threaten to beat my butt, his one sister pretended to be on my side, but now doesnt even talk to me.

If hes cheating why dont he just leave .hes told me he wasnt cheating but sometimes dont want to be here but has no where to go I think because whom ever hes seeing is in a relationship like him or he has flings what do you think why doesnt he just go be with whom ever if they are so much better

Answer 1

You man sounds just like mine!!!! After ten years of being together he has some bad issues. He loves you, but!!! He is going through a stage in his life that men go through. Not all of them mind you but a lot of them. He loves you but he is looking! Life has become dull to him and he is looking for that ego help or he has troubles in his mind that he cannot talk to you about and is looking outside the house to tell another woman his troubles and I am sure she will be quite understanding and make him laugh and feel so good inside and the ole wife at home with the kids is doing what to make his life better? Mine told me I never give him anything and he does it all. Which of course is not true! Mine went out on me and came back to me, but still told me that this gal would have gave him everything he wanted! Well I knew her and I don't think so!
He wants the wife and kids at home and the woman on the side to give him his fantasy.
Now you say you need help.. and that is ruff to give you any answers. I started trying to make sex more exciting and not getting angry or showing my hurt or bitching for any reason. When he did not come home on time I did not say nothing but smiled and hugged him and said hi and glad you are home. or I missed you sweetie. I tried to make sure the kids were gone at times to do more with him. and sometimes I would just be gone myself and let him wonder where I was and of course act like I had done nothing wrong. Now I started doing all of this when we got back together after finding out he played around on me.
Men cannot stand a wife that gripes at them. They really do not listen to you anyway and all you are doing is frustrating yourself and getting yourself more upset when they act like they do not care! so.. don't do it! Half the time they say cruel things just to shut us up! or gets us upset even more where we will cry. Don't let him do it!!! He is doing it deliberately!! Tell yourself you are not going to cry any more for him!! Put it in your mind that you are not going to care any more! The day these things do not bother you any more is the day that he will start acting better.
I just hope he does not find another woman on the side if he has not all ready. be sure to check things.. billfolds when he is a sleep. cars.. pockets... places in the garage or house that he might keep things. mine always kept thing up high or in his car..
I hope I have helped you some.. I pray you will be okay.. I know your pain, been there.. and it is not easy.. I wish no one had to ever go through any of it.

Answer 2

This is classic emotional abuse (as well as cheating) from this man.

Of course you aren't nuts - that's classic "cheater speak" accusing you of being nuts when you try to face him over his behaviour.

Frankly, trust your gut. You know the signs of infidelity, because he's done it at least once before.

All this putting a gun to his head nonsense is just pathetic emotional blackmail on his part. He'll never pull the trigger, he just wants to scare you and make you feel like the bad guy.

Hire a PI, put a tracking system in his car. Don't keep accusing him at the moment, just quietly go about gathering your evidence. Once it's all in, then you can make your decisions and face him with what you know.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Doesn't sound like he knows what he wants. You better be careful if he is playing with guns. He's probably cheating on you.

When I was being cheated on I heard stuff like: Oh I love you, I'm just not 'in love' with you. We are just friends is what he said about the gal he was cheating with.He also said mind your own business, I heard that a lot. He had the nerve to say; 'Who are you, my mother?' He also had the nerve to try and blame his cheating on me. Ha!

He also went on a diet, started drinking slim fast. He would minimize the computer screen whenever I came into the room. He started spending more time on the computer then anywhere else. He also would say he was going to work and then I found out, he never went to work that day. He went to see another gal.

He also started being very short with me and finding fault with everything I did. I feel we have a gut instinct about being cheated on and when we think we are, most likely it is true.

Answer 4

and you're with him why???

Um, trust is a delicate thing that cannot be replaced easily once taken. I agree that you should be suspicious of his past behavior and his current behavior should consist of doing everything in his power to prove to you that he is trustworthy. If that is not the case, why be with him.......he may 'love' you, he may not, but that isn't the point. He doesn't love you enough to be faithful, trustworthy, loyal, etc. If he did, he would have never strayed in the first place. If you like yourself at all or care to have your future play out better than your past, do not put yourself through this all over again. good luck!!

Answer 5

dont put up with this. He acts this way because he is young. He doesn't know what he wants therefore he is playing games. Move on because this is just going to frustrate you. Even if you do love him don't do this to yourself. It's not worth it. Your young, and love happens more than once. Don't be in a serious relationship at a young age. Enjoy this time and date around. You can only be that age once so dont waste it tied down to a control freak. You dont want to regret it

Answer 6

Deployed where?Did you know that over 60,000 of the troops that have been deployed to Iraq and AFGAN. have come home and then killed themselves?Over 5,000 of them have also killed there families before shooting themselves.You need to get away and not let him know where you are.Good luck

Answer 7

story line seems like he is not honest and even you don't feel confident/secure with this guy. I better say "there are many fish in a pond"

Answer 8

He doesn't know what he wants. He is not showing you any respect, therefore he doesn't love you. You really don't need to get dragged through all that cr@p.

Answer 9

It might be hard but break up with him he isnt loyal and he isnt there for youu

Answer 10

why be with someone who you obviously cant trust?? he is a user honey, tell him to hit the road.