What should I do?

Question

I am a married man of 12 yrs, & have 3kids. My wife is an emotional wreck & is always up & down. She is great with the kids one day & then is screaming at them the next. I am constantly playing referee between them. I have a very close relationship with my children but have lost all interest in my wife as a result. Counselling doesnt seem to change things either.

I have a very good married female friend at work. We talk about absolutely everything. We are extremely close but have never done anything physical together (although office rumours say otherwise). I like her so much that I wouldn't want us to have an affair as I would want her to be a complete part of my life not something I have to hide from the world.

I think about leaving my wife but am afraid that she will take her problems out my kids without me there to protect them. Single dads dont usually get 100% custody.

What should I do?

Answer 1

Well, what if you were the emotional wreck? Wouldn't you want your wife to respect you enough and love you enough to get you help (psychiatric). There may be a mental health issue.

You took vows for better or worse. Not, I will only love her if it fits into my life. But I will see her through the good times and the bad.

It goes both ways. You could screw around and leave the hotel and get struck by a car, leaving your wife responsible for your care. Then you would want her to stick around and nurse you back to health, cause no fling would.

Imagine if you spent the time talking to this other woman, going to church and talking to your wife? Wouldn't that be better for your kids? And your marriage?

And how much respect are your kids going to have for you when they learn you betrayed your wife for a piece? And they will find out. And they will resent you.

You made a commitment. A promise to forsake all others. To love her til you die.

Answer 2

As a mother of two young children, I am curious as to your wife's situation. Is she a stay-at-home mom, or does she have a career outside the home? How does her interaction with your children influence your attitude towards her? If you honestly fear for the safety of your children, then let that be your first concern. Do you feel your wife could be suffering from a mood disorder or depression? I am the child of a woman who suffered true emotional swings that struck me with fear at times, but my mother was still a wonderful mom whom I love very much.
I understand that the prospect of separation is difficult. I am dealing with it myself. Be honest with your wife. Tell her you feel that you may need to separate. Be specific in your reasons why. Be calm, and think through every word. Also try to visualize life after separation. How will you honestly feel? Your wife may be feeling the same way you are. If you can talk to each other, ignore what everyone else is telling you, you may find that the two of you can come to an agreement. Do not make this about wanting to be with another woman. That should be the furthest thought from your mind right now. Your wife, even if you do not love her anymore, has been closer to you for 12 years than anyone else. Only the two of you can decide what is best for your relationship and your children. I wish you the best resolution to your situation for your entire family.

Answer 3

It sounds like you are struggling with several different issues, and somehow you've intertwined them, as a sort of 'defense' for your actions/thoughts. You are not alone...male or female, we all get tempted by outside distractions or persons. It is especially so I think, when there is stress or disharmony at home...I believe your wife deserves every effort, on your behalf, to help her get to the bottom of her emotional rollercoaster. My guess is, depending on her age, it is simply an inbalance of her hormones, and is easily treated nowadays, safely, by use of birth control or other oral treatments...How do I know this? Because I suffered for YEARS, and my hubby suffered (lol), and come to find out, it was very easy to resolve. Perhaps getting a one-on-one date with her and easing into a conversation will proove to be 'just what the doctor ordered'...but she may take offense to it, and u will have to go about offering some help in another way.
As far as the hot chick at work, look but DON'T touch! And if I were you, I would NOT tell her a whole hecova lot about what is going on at home in your personal life. It is a betrayal to your wife, as this is someone you're openly expressing an attraction to physically (as well as mentally)...it is just a dangerous zone to be walking into, if you FOR sure don't want to cheat on your wife! Besides, it will be difficult to get custody as a man (which is stupid I know, but it is reality) so if your children mean the world to you, DO NOT!!! DO NOT cheat on your wife!!! Wait until you get legally separated or divorced if that is truly your destiny, but cheating or messing around anytime sooner will cost you far more than it is worth in overall pleasure...
Best of luck to you, and don't be too hard on yourself for having the feelings that you do! After all, you are human, and you are talking it out and trying to find solutions which will cause the least amount of harm to all parties involved...It will all work out, just talk to your wife and then perhaps you can solve the issues together!

Answer 4

I don't know what you should do. It is possible that your wife may be suffering from bi-polar disorder or another mood/emotional disorder. It is possible that with medication and or therapy, she could feel better and learn to treat the family better.

Though I cannot fully appreciate your situation, I would try to exhaust all remedies before resorting to divorce.

At least then, you can move forward feeling like you've done all you can do -- and not for yourself, only, but also for what you perceive to be in the best interest of the children.

Answer 5

First, get your wife to a doctor. There are reasons for her mood swings. Have these documented and treated. Now you have proof of her emotional abuse towards the children. You could even take the kids to a child phsycologist for treatment to help you document these events. You also have the counselling notes from this person. All of this could take a few months or a year. Then file for divorce and you will have proof of her mental abuse of the kids and you should be able to get physical custody. She would still have visitation but the kids would be living with you. If they are old enough, the court could let them choose who they want to live with. Good luck.

Answer 6

Your wife may be a patient. Proper medical checkup will solve the problem. a woman can be a good friend at workplace but marriage & family life is totally different thing requiring many other skills in household affairs. She may become much worse wife as she has different ego too. Your wife may be much better as a wife. I'd never advise you the option u r considering. That may be the beginning of much bigger problem forever. U must keep cool, be tolerant, sweet, soft & sincere for your wife.

Answer 7

Well Mr. What should I do, it is easy to become close to someone who has not squeezed 3 kids out of a hole the size of a small circle. maybe your wife needs medication.

Answer 8

God only gives one reason for divorce and that is adultery.

Maybe you should seek another counselor if the one you were seeing didn't help. Talk to her doctor and see if he has any suggestions for you.

Answer 9

James Watkins, you say it so well. I completely agree. Utterly.

Answer 10

this is a question you have to figuer out on your own