can we really overcome an awful traumatic failed relationship?

Question

im separated for 7 yrs now but my ex still get on my nerves. i wont say i still hate him now coz i dont but i still find myself sitting sometimes thinking how i wish it never failed and we were able to save it. i'm not inlove with ex anymore but i guess as my children's dad there will always be some love for him there and i do love my outlaws very much. i guess coz my own parents are awful to me esp now with my mama enjoys belittling me. that's the reason why i cling to my outlaws sometimes esp when my mum outlaws calls me on phone and started crying i will end up being affected. with ex all feeling are gone and im very happy with my bf now although he is so far from me.but can we really forget those awful memories and the feeling of nostalgia of wishing that incident never happened? ex choose a whore mistress and impregnated her hope its really his child!!!!.....so my kids suffered and im a broken person after separation......

Answer 1

You don't forget the bad memories but you move on and they become a part of the past. The kids may have suffered but they suffered less than if you had stayed together and he kept cheating so they thought it was normal and learned to cheat on their future spouses as well. One danger that you have to be aware of is to make sure that the new relationship is not just a result of not being mistreated as you were with this man - something too many do without realizing it. don't be broken but strong and learn your strengths. You can make sure he is the right person by checking his handwriting at handwritingwizard.com and learning that is something that may keep you from thinking of the problems you have now and give you a way to make you feel better about yourself for having done that. Good luck to you!!

Answer 2

Well I know how you feel. It's a tough thing to go through. I can say I hate my ex wife. There are some out there that say you shouldn't hate. I always say why not that's how I feel why should I not express how I fell just because someone doesn't like the word hate being uses. I say if you feel it then say it. Now you will always have children in common with him, that doesn't mean you have to love him or even like him. I'm still in very close contact with my exlaws. They are my children's grandparents, uncles, Aunts, Cousins, ect. I maintain that part of things very well. I also sit and think it sure would have been nice to have stayed married. But I had no say in that. I put the ex wife in the past as far as love and relationship goes. I have this great new wonderful life before me. I have so many new friends I've yet to meet. I'm going to go meet a few more this weekend. Good Luck and keep smiling there's alot of fun to be had out there go out and have you some.

Answer 3

1st off how old are you?
and how old were you when you had kids?
and were you ever married t o your ex
as you did not say ex BF or ex hubby

but to answer your question
yes it's very easy
and you ( not him ) are the key and your own worst enemy.

you value negatives.

and proof is you ex getting on your nerves
and your mother belittling you
neither would be an issue if you didn't care,
but you do,
as you seek value and validation from both.
WHY?
there is nothing gained in valuing negative people
any sort of positives from them is quickly wiped out by negatives that they will eventually throw at you
how do you see yourself?
obviously not well.
so your first step at overcoming such drama is not to value negatives in the first place
you have programmed yourself into getting what ever piece of scrap validation you can get from what ever meager relationship you have fostered over the years, and this is not healthy, it is why you feel the pain, as in your though some validation is better than none, but you dislike the pain of the way you must get it, eventually everyone quits such relationships, but many fail to see why they got their in the 1st place. they fail to see the compromises that led to eventual failure. they also do not like to admit that they ( meaning you ) chose who they chose and set their limits low, and thus compromised for the sake of keeping a relationship
failure is a good thing for analytical purposes
and realize you must analyze to see what you did wrong
as in failure can you see all the missed or ignored signs that were tip offs to the eventual crash
focusing on your ex and who he chooses is counter productive and works against your confidence building
so what is she is a whore,
if anything
be happy he chose a whore
even whores need love too
all jokes aside
what are you going to do to build yourself up?
getting a BF right now is your 1st mistake
you focus should be on your !st, then your children
i know this sounds backwards
but keep in mind when you are fit and happy, the children will be better taken care of then as you will feel better about being a mother
only then
should you even consider dating
right now with your emotional down state
relationships are not a priority
self confidence building is

Answer 4

Time heals all wounds but if you keep looking back the old wounds may reopen. Be like the river ever flowing forward and do not look back at what could or would have been.
Look to the future and live for the present. he has made his choice and nothing you do can change that. Perseverance is bitter but its fruits are sweet.