In the 3 years that we have been married, I have always felt like I am the least important to my husband. He treats his mother like a queen. We can all be together and he will do something she doesn't agree with. She'll call him out on it and he'll accept it. If I do it I have to experience hours of attitude and silence. If she calls him in the room he'll get up and go right away. If I call him he will sit and wait for me to call him again. Then when he does come to see what I wanted he will act upset -- like as if I am bothering him or something. There has always been a difference in how he treats his mom and me.
I have told him this a millions times but tonight we got into an argument and I brought it up again. He said the reason he does (he acknowledged it) is because she's not bossy like me. He says I'm too aggressive and bossy. But he's cheated on me twice and lied tons of times but I still treat him with the same respect as I'd treat my mother with. Sometimes even better.
2007-11-01 16:26:23 · 32 answers · asked by Hoping he will bless me with #1 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
And please, do not mention the word jealousy. I have no reason to be jealous of his mother. We actually get along well. It's just that I am sick and tired of beating myself up inside -- trying to figure out what I have done to deserve less respect. I'll be talking to my husband and he'll look right through me. He'll be watching TV or he'll be reading something, and he'll act like I haven't said one syllable. Would he do that to mama? No way!
2007-11-01 16:28:44 · update #1
Your husband needs to grow up! He is most definitely a Mommy's boy. Mom coddles her son, no doubt forgives him his bad ways, such as the cheating and untruthfulness. These guys have a very hard time changing, they have to want to change and then seek out help. Please be careful here. This can move on to an abusive relationship, it is in fact one already. Seek out help for yourself. Now I'm not saying anything such as leave him, but find out for yourself what you can do for yourself improvement. Standing up for yourself seems to have him thinking your are bossy and aggressive.....good heavens. Your battle cry should be, "A door mat no longer!". Best wishes, Chaplain Debby
P.S. In the bible, it states that a man shall leave his mother and father and cleave unto his wife. .....
2007-11-01 17:04:02 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I agree with one of the people who answered. Momma's boy. However, I wish this were the only problem because I do not see it as the 'big one'. He cheating on you twice throws up red flares. Adultery is serious business; once you can find a way in your heart to forgive; but twice means he probably has done it several and has a real pattern going.
Think about not asking but demanding going to a counselor be it a Christian or secular one. He needs some adjusting in a couple of areas if this marriage is going to work. You cannot go on living like this and he hasn't had the rude awakening he needs.
2007-11-01 16:36:32 · answer #2 · answered by Terry L 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, there isn't. Except for the fact that his mother guilt him into acting like that. He is a Momma's boy and it'll be very difficult he'll change. I read your post and you were describing my life! We have been married 10 years and on the brink of divorce. There is not much you can do to change him (I am sorry, I know you probably did not want to hear that). You can try marriage counseling, or if you do not have children yet, get out of the relationship as soon as you can (I know I wish I had). Hope things work out for you.
2007-11-01 16:57:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
As a mother and a dil i can understand your conflict. As a mother , i would hope that my son would treat me with respect and come when he was called. He was raised that way. I would hope he would treat his wife the same way.
As a dil, married for almost 24 years, I have one thing to say. Get used to it. He's not going to change. Accept it and move on. He's a momma's boy.
To the guy that said he loved his parents more(slightly) than his wife: Jeez don't tell the wife!!!!! My husband would pay a high price for admitting that.
Good luck sounds like you like his mom, might try talking to her.
2007-11-01 16:39:46 · answer #4 · answered by witchywoman 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The problem is not his Mom - it's that he cheated and lied to you - he is disrespecting you, and respecting his Mother.
He should respect you both as the closest women in his life.
You might be too aggressive and bossy because you are trying to take control so it doesn't happen again?
He's a known liar and cheater - do you really want that and all the trauma that goes with it?
Wishing you joy...
2007-11-01 16:36:23 · answer #5 · answered by frillyfroofroo 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, if what you say is the absolute truth, and I'm not in the slightest way saying that you are lying or purposely misleading any of us. It's just that sometimes we all see things differently in ourselves than others (outsiders) might.
However, I'm sure that if he has admitted to you that he treats you differently, and that your bossiness is his excuse, then I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT think that he has a leg to stand on.
He married you knowing you as you are. Am I right? You weren't subservient and docile with him. I'm sure he knew you as a strong woman who expected every bit (and rightfully so) the respect he would give his own mother.
He is to love, honor, respect and treat you just as good as he would her. Your strong personality is NOT an acceptable reason for him treating you as he does!!!!
My EX-husband was the same with me, and for the same supposed reasons...
2007-11-01 16:37:50 · answer #6 · answered by puppy.lover13 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Lots of guys are in this syndrome. Frankly, and I am ashamed to admit it, I was somewhat like that for a long time. It's called, for example, "being a mama's boy," or "refusing to cut the cord." I used to know a guy who was over at his parents (or having them over) every week. That's wrong.
He needs to buck up and be a man. When you get married, your primary allegiance transfers from your parents to your spouse. Remember that "leave and cleave" thing from the Bible? You are to "leave" the parents and "cleave" to the wife.
Unfortunately, many, many guys are like this. Also unfortunately, you will have a hard time telling him this. He needs a male friend who is a real man to tell him the truth. Few guys today have such a friend, which is yet another unfortunate thing. I would encourage him to get some real male friends who can tell him the truth. A good church can also be a source of people who can help this little boy you have grow up to be a man.
Don't lose heart - it's possible. I did it. But pray for him - I know I will.
2007-11-01 16:33:51 · answer #7 · answered by Gary B 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
There is never a valid reason for him to treat his mother better than his wife. Unfortunately, you married a "momma's boy" and I hope that he will change one day for the sake of your marriage and happiness. I wish you both the very best (without momma always being in the picture).
2007-11-01 16:35:53 · answer #8 · answered by Thinkaboutit 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
start treating him the same way he treats you, let him know how it feels to be second in someone's eyes. i went through the samething with my husband, he started to ignore me and only give me attention when it's conventien for him. so i started doing my own thing (not cheating on him though) but just getting into reading being by myself, talking more to my mom. after while, he realized how it felt and now we're the best of friends.
2007-11-01 16:53:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd be very disappointed if my hubby ever dissed his mother. At the same time, I expect the same respect from him towards myself. It's not nice to dis anyone, esp. the parents or spouse. In fact, one thing that attracted me to my hubby is his obvious respect for his parents, but in our marriage, I come first, right after God.
2007-11-01 16:49:38 · answer #10 · answered by Linni 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋