Confused about my husband filing for divorce?

Question

My husband filed for divorce two weeks ago. We have been fighting alot and he threw my to the ground and I hurt my foot. I told him to move into his mother's house because I was scared that something more serious would happen. So he files for divorce, does not tell me. I got served the same morning he was still living with me and we were intimate that morning. He took all his stuff to his mother's house. We have two kids 7 & 8 years old. We have made a scedule so we both get equal time with them. The problem is that he tries to kiss me, sometimes i kiss him back. (a little peck) He cried in my arms a few days ago and we held each other for about 5 minutes. I begged him to go to marriage counciling but we went last year one time and it was horrible. We fight verbally all the time. I really want to stay with him but I know we both need help to learn how to deal with eachother. He says he loves me, but I asked him to say "it's over, I want to be divorced" but he won't say it? I'm confused

Answer 1

It sound like to me that he really doesn't know what he wants either. He may have just filed out of anger. I would suggest that you both go back to counseling separate to start with. then together.. If you want it to work and he wants it to work than you both need to figure out how..Try sitting down and trying to talk in a public place. and stay calm talk now yell till him how you feel and if you want it to work or not..it will help him open up to you if you stay calm..Good luck!!!

Answer 2

Ya know, things like this don't always have clear answers. Maybe what brought you two together was the friendship between you....but, the romance & seriousness of marriage ruined the friendship. He still holds on to something positive between you, but feels that the marriage was a mistake that ruined a great friendship. It's not unheard of to be friends with an ex. It's just difficult to get past the emotional turmoil and let it go. Most people harbor some sort bad feelings like anger, resentment, hatred, mistrust, etc toward their ex's. That's understandable. You and your ex apparently have a long history together, both as friends, and as companions in a relationship. If you can get over the emotional hurt, maybe you could be friends. If not, tell him you'd rather not even communicate. It's really up to you. He still values something between you. Maybe he is concerned about how all this is affecting you. Maybe he can't live with you, or without you. Maybe he needs time to let go gently. Is hard to say. I suspect his abusiveness was his own turmoil and frustration being projected onto you. Somewhere along the way he felt this was a mistake. Did he miss his 'friend'? Did you change dramatically when it became a romance & a marriage? Did he? I think it's yes on both accounts. You never know, maybe you would be great lifelong friends despite the failed marriage. I know a few people like that. Once they got over it all, they were able to even have closure on the faults & issues with the marriage and be even better friends than ever. Just don't fall into the trap of sleeping together again, it really complicates things. So, the choice is really up to you, and whether you could handle it. Remember, you must detach yourself emotionally, and so will he, in order to do this. When the new bf/gf comes along, there isn't room for jealousy and games. There are boundaries to abide by. It takes a strong mind and sincere heart to still be friends when it's all said and done. Not to mention a level of maturity to forgive and let live. It's also understandable how you feel, and it will take time to get over it all. Good luck.

Answer 3

Divorce isn't easy for anyone. He's probably in denial, but I'm sure from the beginning he knew what he was doing. You can try marriage counseling one more time (at least you will know that you gave it another try), and if that still doesn't work and you find that you guys can't really live with each other, wouldn't it be better for you and your kids to have a peaceful home rather than a home that is always in turmoil? And just because you're getting a divorce doesn't mean you have to stop caring about a person. You can still care about a person and do the right thing for yourself and your kids.

Answer 4

Hey seems like we are going thru the same thing...very similar by the way....I need to talk to someone about that would you like to exchange email add? if not i understand....anyway the way I think is that we have to stand up and value ourselfs more so they could value us...I as well am very confuesed and i hate that feeling ...but to be honest with you im taking it one day at a time ...and I have put it in Gods hands so I move on doing other things with my life if it works out fine if not it was not ment to be....well let me know if you want to talk more about it...

Answer 5

Lady's and gentlemen in this corner we have her and the other corner we have him When the bell rings come out yell and see who losses there voice first. My "X" was that way. did ever thing that she could to cause a fight. She whated to run ever thing in my life. Fighting gets you know were. You two need to try and under stand each others feelings

Answer 6

Divorce is very difficult regardless of who files.What he's doing is selfish, really. But after so many years together, you have a history. I really believe he's saying goodbye to the wife he was in love with, you know. It was really unfair of him to knowingly use that particular morning. I feel for you. Think about yourself and your girls. Be a strong example for them.

Answer 7

maybe he feels it is over, but can't say it straight our because he doesn't fully want it to be. marriage counseling is for BOTH of you at teh same time, right?

maybe you two should go to seperate psychologists or something at seperate times to learn how to first DEAL with each other, then go to marriage counseling together to WORK with each other while being able to DEAL with each other

Answer 8

dont fight in front of your kids. i dont care about your foot. quit fighting. this sounds like one of those dr phil episodes that are torture to watch, stop it right now.

you must not fight verbally. it is completely disgusting and vile of you. you are hurting the health of those innocent kids. by the way, you can control yourself. and you must!!!!

you need help with how to deal with each other? how about being polite and stop acting like an idiot. you first.

Answer 9

Get another counselor. Stop talking and listen to him.

Answer 10

lemme tell u ppl frankly..........u still luv each other. it was just a reaction in anger fits.......nothing serios babes. think it with cool head......then ask him abt it.

nd moreover it wud be gud for ur kids too.........