did he cheat and why?

Question

I was married for 14 years. The last 8 years he starting staying at work late. The sex almost stopped. I tried for 7 years to get him to a counslor. To me when your married you do what it takes to keep it going. Finally the last year I gave up. We finally ended and within 2 days of me moving out he started inviting his 23 y.o. secretary to the house. She has been there every night for 2 months. They say they did not have a relationship prior to the divorce. How many of you think there was a relationship prior? And why do this? I have no faith in people anymore. Someone please explain to me why someone would ruin a 14 year marriage for someone half their age and drag three little kids along for the ride.

Answer 1

Im so sorry for you. My heart goes out to you and your family. He was so seeing his secretary while married. Its the old way of cheating. He was getting attention from her every day. She was saying all the right things. He was spending more time with her than with you. Shes young, energetic women that made him feel young as well. He basically traded you in for a newer model. That might be hard to hear, but thats what he did. Unfortionately babe, us guys get so wrapped up in what another women tells us. Men are always craving the attention of other women. If a women strokes our ego enough, hook, line, and sinker. Bang, they got us. He felt that he wasnt getting that at home. The fantasy got the best of him and thats it. I wouldnt say that you dont have faith in people, more like no trust in men. Dont hold that against all men. There are men out there that are stronger than this guy. Keep your head up and be there for your kids.

Answer 2

He was def. cheating prior to you moving out. He's probably been cheating for the last 8 years hes been staying late at work. I wonder when this secratary started working there, probably a couple months before the "working late" eppisodes. At this point, I'm willing to bet he's happy with what he was now, and he's not thinking of you, or your family (sorry for being brutal), but it's the truth. He knew it was over a long time ago, but just never had the balls to tell you it was over, and he was probably anticipating the day you'd finally realize what was going on and move out. He did all this in a very cowardly way, and left you in limbo for the past 8 years. If I were you, I'd be very dicruntalted, take him to divorce court, and take him for everything he has, the judge should have no problem doing so!

Answer 3

This bloke is a selfish sad clown thats why. Sad as it is, the odds are he most probably was having an affair with this younger woman and obviously was waiting for the green light, if he wasnt having sex with you then sorry to say he was getting it elsewhere and the guilt was too much.

The thing is, it doesnt matter how many years invested in a marriage, its the betrayal that stings the most when you love someone. The choices of the matter are, you can question why he did it? was it you, was he going through a midlife crisis...you could go on forever really...however the goal is to dust yourself off, get a divorce from the zero and move on.
Seriously, there are really good men out there who dont cheat and do have integrity, in the future becuase of this clown dont tar all men with the same brush thinkin they are all just cheating buggers....theyre not....(a mistake I 'nearlly' made becuase of a cruel guy in the past)

Chin up and I wish you all the best.

Answer 4

OK first...... It's over, It doesn't matter she's been over there every night for the last two months, it doesn't' matter if he was screwing her before the divorce.......remember It's over. Just the fact you know she's been over there every night for the past 2 months might mean you're a stalker? I have no idea why relationships end, I do know this It takes two to make one work but it only takes one to end it. If you were married 14yrs and married at 20 that would put you in the age range of 34 yrs old. That is young. Move on.... go find a new lover and get on with your life. Heck go get you a 32 yr old pool boy? Good Luck

Answer 5

Yes it was going on before the divorce of course. Why do these jerks do this? one simple word SELFISH. Don't lose you faith though...There are still good people out there that have morals, principles and class. If its any comfort it won't last and worse yet he may try to come crawling back..that's when you must stand firm and not allow the loser to ever hurt you again. So brace yourself...in the meantime you must work on repairing your broken heart, go out with friends, keep busy and active, start doing things for yourself its your time now

Answer 6

It's cruel but people do it.

As useless as this advice is going to sound, try not to obsess over it because this guy probably isn't worth the anguish. There are other fish in the sea, and you'll survive. We've all had heartbreaks at some point and been very depressed, traumatized, crushed. But life goes on and you usually find later on that the jerks who crushed you weren't worth wasting a single tear on.

It gets better. Good luck.

Answer 7

The sex slowed down with you, but I certainly think he found it elsewhere. He was flattered that someone half his age found him sexy and attractive and was willing to give up all the invested years so his ego could be stroked. He will find out, the hard way that he had the love of his life in you and then it will be too late. She wants a daddy for her children and she went after him. She'll tire of him and no matter what they say, for her to move in so quickly there was definitely something going on.

Answer 8

i would say he was cheating on u a long time before u left. he cheated because he could, and he wanted to. he doesn't believe in being fair or loyal, its just who he is and part of his character, and the harder u try to figure it out, the more hurt u will become. u and him don't see things the same way, u both want different things out of life. instead of trying to make sense of this, get some therapy, he has no intention of going to therapy to save the marriage, he doesn't want the marriage saved. he has an agenda, and its got nothing to do with u or his kids, it has more to do with the new woman. u can't compete with a new toy, u need to take care of yourself and your kids, and file for a divorce, and freeze his as setts, hit him where it hurts, in the pocketbook.

Answer 9

That's awful - read Divorce Busters book. If she won't cooperate and get out of your house, tell her parents, minister, friends, and all the big shots at his company what a whore she is. Don't let her get away with it - with 3 children, don't you need your house? Tell your in-laws, neighbors, friends, minister, church, etc. - this puts social pressure on them. Get a good attorney - if you're on title to the house maybe you can start the eviction process for her or both of them.

So sorry you have to go through this, but we live in a sin-torn porn infested society and here are the results.

Best wishes and joy to you.

Answer 10

Babe,I must say first that divorce is an unfortunate situation!
Secondly,your story is one sidded in that you failed to tell us your own fault.For you guys to have lived 14 years together really means both of you are compactible but one/both of you allowed the creeping thing to set in.Many answers here already pointed them out;Pussycat,Virginia,& pumper has somthing you have to think on how to do. Be carefull,to listen,b/c I know you heart is already wounded.
Some may say your huss is sad,selfish,imature or has midlife crises.All are facts,but let me ask,did you find these out while the good days last?.Did you make effort to fill those marriage threatnen gaps? .I must mention here that since woman is the man's lost rib,then its the woman's duty to fill every emotional gap(you must replace the rib adequately).Did you make him feel like a prince?,did you give him the warmth on the bed?,did you keep the home and yourself clean and peaceful?,did you feed his tommy to keep him working hard?.These are your salvation which you have to work out or did you allow the 22yr old to work it out for you?.
The 22yr old who rushed in will soon rush out,if and only if,she is not a match to the succor you gave your huss.Watch and Pray!
The bunch of seperated & divorced are not psychologically ballanced to give you a sound advice,you may end up being in their circle,use social pressure.Whosoever says that there are many fishes in the river-to whose advantage?.Remember this last days ,its 7 women to a man.You must secure what you have.Eviction proceedings may help but Pray also.
I summerise here by saying
1.God is the author of marriage,any marriage not built on him is already in crises!
2.Work out your salvation.It takes 2 to make a marriage,it takes one to keep a relationship.
3.From the begining God made them male and female,if you are the one that walked out.Go back,take your place.If not,the principle of 'let another take her place ' will hold.
In truth,I hereby submit.(01-11-07).Thanks.