I'm 55, she's 45. I've been seeing her off and on for 14 years. She ain't no beauty, but neither am I. I've never been married before. She's got five grandkids, age 6 to 13 living with her. Which I'd have to take in if we got married. If it was just her, I wouldn't think twice, but I'm worried about the children getting to me or will I get used to them? Wish anyone could give some advice.
P.S. No smart as* answers or you will be turned in.
2007-11-01 14:55:46 · 8 answers · asked by w00189wr 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
no. she has 15 years minimum with these kids, and good for her for doing this, but, you would not get used to it. kids are loud and chaotic and dirty and funny, sure, but this is not a handful, this is a busload. could you just date her alone at times and have an adult dating life with her? you are used to your ways. those kids and their friends would horrify you in short order.
keep your own life money space and distance from this situation. do i sound heartless? these are not your kids. she is kind enuf to take them in, that means there is some upheaval in their lives, not good. hard work.
and darn it, i did have a great smart### answer, but i dare not write it!!! haha.
2007-11-01 15:22:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all sounds like it is a package deal, she got her grandkids living with her and it doesn't sound like you are too fond of the grandkids by saying your worried about them getting to you or getting use to them. They are kids, not pets, and if you marry her then you are taking on the kids and being a part of their life in a positive way. No harm in it but you do not come across like you like the kids. I mean if you have been seeing her even off and on that long how come you are not use to the kids yet?
My advice is think hard, and decide if you could be a positive addition to the kids live, and think about of you really want to live with children. If you are not sure you should not marry her, and until you are sure you should not marry her. Kids come first, and trust me i know from experience. Marriages end when kids are not treated right. The only one that can answer this question is yourself, your the one going to wake up with her and those kids every day.
2007-11-01 22:07:18 · answer #2 · answered by newfie272 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I want to ask more questions in the hope of helping you sort things out in your mind. I'm not being a smart as*.
You say "Will I get used to them?"
In the 14 years "off and on" with this woman, you have seen how she relates with her grandchildren and you have gotten to know the children a bit I'm sure. Do you feel "at home" in her presence and do you think she's an OK person to be around? The grandchildren are a large part of her life. Do you feel threatened? Jealous of the attention she gives them?
Are you unwilling to share your material possessions with her and her grandchildren?
Does she cook for you and do your laundry too just because she is a caring soul, or has she been waiting fourteen years for a definite show of commitment from your side?
Does she and the children accept you for who you are? Does she even see you as husband material?
Is it on your heart to propose marriage to her but you don't, at the moment, feel you have much to offer her?
You can decide whether to consider the above questions or not, but it's up to you to take a risk and tell her what's on your heart. She's not a mind reader.
.. But then again she's probably been too busy because it sounds like she's doing it all on her own!!!! Why not take another risk and get in there and help her???
2007-11-01 22:53:41 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The age difference should not matter; however
taking care of 5 kids is a big task at hand,. They
all appear to be young and it would not be easy.
You need to think twice at this point because
many children are involved, and if you did get
married to her you have committed yourself and
then there is no turning back, it would probably
be a better idea if you held off on marriage until
you got to know her grandchildren more and
inter-act with them since you have a realtionship
with the person that is taking care of them, that
way you will know if you can cope or not.
It is a big responsibility taking care of 5 so be
sure that you can handle it before you get married.
Good luck.
2007-11-01 22:15:13 · answer #4 · answered by RudiA 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you truly love her, then you have to take the entire package. Think about the reasons you broke up as well as the reasons you kept getting back together. Can you emotionally afford to let her get away? Can you see your life without her and the instant family she comes with? If you cannot deal with kids, then wait to get married. If you cannot possibly vision your life without her, then take the plunge and all the glories and downfalls that marriage brings. I won't lie, marriage is tough. No matter how long you have dated and even lived together there is nothing that compares to the permanency and commitment of marriage . Marriage will take your relationship to a totally new level that you have never experienced before. Just remember when you marry a person you also marry their family and all their baggage.
2007-11-01 22:09:21 · answer #5 · answered by bayoubelle24 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my, I personally think you would be crazy to get married under those conditions. You shouldn't have to start out your married life raising 5 kids at your age (no offense, I do NOT think you're old, by the way, my boyfriend is 55 as well). You're in the best age of your life, why ruin it with a bunch of kids? Freedom and privacy as you know it will come to a screeching halt. If things with her are good the way they are, don't try to fix what ain't broke.
2007-11-01 22:02:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
That's tough to start a marriage that way. I have one kid, my own even, and there are times I really can't take it. Five is a lot. Don't feel bad for not wanting to get married that way. It's a LOT to take on. And love will not make things easier. Love is the first thing that goes out the door when things are tough. If things are working for you guys this way, I would keep it the way it is if I were you.
2007-11-01 22:31:46 · answer #7 · answered by trapeze 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well i raised 5 of my own children and i have 4 grandchildren whom i love dearly but i could not raise them.that time in my life is over.i am married to my second husband who has younger step kids from his ex-wife and a old girl friend.when we first got together he had custody of three kids though they are not his children for real, but his parents had really been taking care of them.he could not handle them and sent them away.not my idea his.he also had a "daughter" from a fling that he never acknowledged or even had seen, that after we were married over 4 years she wound up here because her mom had lost custody of her and her 3 brothers and sisters in another state.out of guilt he decided to see her and she lived with us for 8 months,bad mistake!!!!he is no ones father, he is too selfish,lazy,childish and bad tempered to be around kids for very long!!! i am sorry she ever came into our lives cause he failed her so miserably!!! i am almost 50 years old i am not raising a child he never wanted and her own mom will not be bothered with her!!! it sounds cruel but she is a habitual liar,breaks things,steals things,whines like a two year old and had learning issues to boot cause her mom is not too bright!!!! just do not do it!!! honestly it is not worth it and they are not your problem!!!! good luck!
2007-11-01 22:39:30 · answer #8 · answered by dixie58 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋