I have a couple of questions. We have a child 2gether and divorce 4 months ago. I do still love him and I wish things would work(so we could be a family). He tells me he wants to get back 2gether and all that. But he will not change, he parties and puts us last. There is no trust. But if he did change, should I give it another try?
He is back almost $2000 on child support. Should I start being tough and get child support enforcement agency on him? He has not helped hardly any.
It is just hard for me to be tough and mean to him. I let him see his son whenever he wants, I go out of my way to be nice and make things easy. But I get nothing in return. He will blow off of his son for other things.
Should I start to acting like him...only let him see his son on scheduled visitations and just not give in?
I just wish he would leave me alone and let me be I just want him to be a daddy and do good by him. I am just a pushover. But I am ready to be tough. Please some good advice.
2007-11-01 14:19:28 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He is supposed to pay me $80 every week. It is court ordered, and his visitation is 1, 3 and 5 sat of every month from 1-5pm. Everything is court ordered.
2007-11-01 14:40:35 · update #1
I had a girlfriend with the same problem, Her husband just didn't get it. He was always owing child support. He never saw that the person he was cheating was his son. She was always being nice let him have access anytime and all he ever did was crap on them, stole money from them, and finally he got real drunk and beat her up. his son wouldn't see him anymore. and it finally took 6 months in jail to find out he wasn't such hot stuff after all. He still owes her money 10 years later. she had to be tough or have to fight him again.
2007-11-01 14:32:21 · answer #1 · answered by redd headd 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok first off, you do need to reinforce visitations and child support, HE WILL NEVER LEARN if you don't. Second a set schedule will help your son to, he won't have to grow up wondering when he will see his daddy, he will know when. If he blows off your kids when he wants to and you keep runing to him with the kids when he is ready, then you should REALLY STOP and start making him undertand that what he is doing is wrong.
As far as getting back together, if after 4 months you guys gone hasn't made him stop him bad ways nothing will, so I would say, find someone who can respect you and make you happy, and move on.
But you do need to start being strict on visitations and child support if your not now he will not be a constant in his child's life and will never learn his responsability, Do this for you and your child.
2007-11-01 14:25:31 · answer #2 · answered by jm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have been really nice about all of this, considering he is not paying his child support. Child support and visitation are two completely separate issues. You need to get a court order for child support if you haven't already. If you have obtained an order and he is still finding ways to avoid paying it, then he is dispicable. The visitation thing, well...I understand why you don't want to cut him out of your child's life. But it sounds like you need to administer some tough love. He can get an order for visitation. But in the mean time, you do not have to allow him any visitation since you are the custodial parent. That is your choice since there is no order. If he was paying child support, that would be a different story, ethically.
Bottom line: he needs to pay to play. In other words, he needs to pay child support in order for you to continue allowing him to visit his child whenever he wants. If he does not meet his financial commitment to your child, then you should not allow him to be anywhere near the child without court-appointed visitation.
I wish you the best of luck in what I know is a difficult situation.
2007-11-01 14:28:50 · answer #3 · answered by Trauma31 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One thing is for certain, he may change for a little while but sooner or later, the real him will pop back out and you still won't like him.
His actions should speak so loud that he doesn't NEED to tell you how he feels or what he wants. His actions are speaking volumes right now.
As far as the child support goes, he needs to help support his son. It should only take one phone call to the division of child support enforcement and they do the rest. You don't have to go ater him.
Good luck. It's not easy seeing your dream of a family with him fade. Please know it gets better and there are better out there waiting for someone to love.
2007-11-01 14:28:05 · answer #4 · answered by spillin paint 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is back almost $2000 on child support. Should I start being tough and get child support enforcement agency on him? He has not helped hardly any. (yes), It is just hard for me to be tough and mean to him, but he brought the child into this world and part of being a good father is providing for him. you are the person responsible for your childs well being stop thinking of it as taking from your ex, and start thinking of it as his responsibility and feeding your child.
2007-11-01 19:50:48 · answer #5 · answered by LV 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get firm. Hold him accountable. It's the best gift you can give to your child, and to him. Be predictable, and maybe he will eventually live up to some portion of your expectations.
You need to go after him for the child support. But never bad-mouth him to your child, or interfere with visitation. Just let the court take care of support enforcement.
2007-11-01 14:33:54 · answer #6 · answered by Singinganddancing 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like my ex. Trust me, he'll never change. It took me 10 years and 2 girls with him to figure it out. I don't even know where he lives, no phone number. The crap of it is, I want to move-it is 148 miles from where I live now. Because I have 2 kids with him I can't. I am so mad because the courts do not even know where he is and they do nothing about it. But, I am required by law to at least give him notice that I am moving. What a crock. BE TOUGH! For your son's sake!
2007-11-01 14:27:27 · answer #7 · answered by truely_loved 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest you get a backbone and start calling him on these things. He knows you are a pushover and will continue to do so because he knows you will take it. Take a stand and take him to court if need be. Also stop the visits whenever he wants. I doubt he will change. I think by now it is too late for changing. I suggest you move forward in your life and get the money from him. Get a lawyer if need be. If you don't start taking action then you have no one to blame, but yourself.
2007-11-01 14:23:49 · answer #8 · answered by hsmommy06 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should set a schedule for your son and his dad, not out of spite, but so that your son gets some stability. You don't have to be tough, just firm.
If there is no trust, let him go. You and your son deserve better.
Hope this helps...
2007-11-01 14:23:10 · answer #9 · answered by Dewey 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
on behalf of your child, you are an idiot. go after the SOB!! dammit stop being a pushover and an enabler!! move the hell on!
if that seems mean, it is called tough love and reality..you are allowing not only yourself to be F***ed over but your CHILD as well!!
grow a freakin backbone!!
look, your sperm donor is an adult, and therefor can take care of himself...however YOUchose to bring an innocent life into the world and it is your JOYOUS duty to do right by that child. so stop being a wuss and get to it!! take him to child support, get support and SUPERVISED visitation!!! my God woman!! catch a clue!!
2007-11-01 14:28:30 · answer #10 · answered by skittle_goddess_2525 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋