My husband and I are separating. What emotions are normal?

Question

We are looking for a house for him to move in. I am trying to be very supportive for my kids sake. I find this very difficult. I just want space. He is the one that has made the decision and I agreed because we have been on the fence for six long years. I want this to end. Why do I hurt so much?

Answer 1

My heart goes out to you its been six long years and you know this was coming but to finally know that it is here is very hard and painful for you. Like you say you have children to get her that was made out of love not hate. Being with someone for a number of years even though you had your ups and down you still bonded together as one. It seems like a part of you are dying but remember this there were good times also. You have taken a big step to make sure that your children's father have a place to stay and its a good thing when people can depart and still care for the person.
In your heart you have got to let go and than you will be able to go on and have the space you need. separation is never easy but in time things will get better for you and your family god can heal all pain belive me he can and he will put it in his unchangeing hands.

best of uck

Answer 2

Marge S, I know this may be a difficult time in your life but it is not the end of the world, it may seem like it but its not. Look at the better side of things, your kids will have a chance to have a one on one with each of their parents and finally have a chance to get to know the positive side of them that has been hidden for so long. I'm sure these last 6 yrs have giving them a narrow look at how mature their parents are and its high time they come to know that special love they were given when everything was peaches and cream. This is not to say the children are being neglected but to say your children are your strength, and pulling closer to them now will probably give you the extra confidence you need to get through this. Futhermore, I wouldn't think of this as a lost relationship between you and your husband. The kids have bonded you together for life. Space is what's needed to be administered in order for the healing to start. Let him find his own place.Let him do all the things he needs to do to begin him a new life on his own. He is a man, he has the strength. GOD gave it to him at birth. You need to STOP beating yourself up by keep going around him knowing that you are weak and unable to cope. You are asking to be hurt. WHY Marge? Do you really want it to end? If so it is time you allow GOD to guide you to Divine HAPPINESS.You should know there is only one real reality that exist in this world---- GOD --- and If you believe in GOD him then you should also know that GOD will take care of you and your kids as well as your X----------Husband! Bottom line its not going to get any better until you start making it better. GOD bless. SABUR

Answer 3

It is something you have invested a lot of time in. It hurts knowing that it is ending this way. It is normal. I went through the jealous-why can't I be happily married like my cousins? especially at family gatherings phase. The-I hate him for what he has done to my kids-phase. Of course, my situation is probably a bit different than yours. He became addicted to meth and chose it over the kids and I. He became very mean and arguementative. My best advice is: Just try to get along no matter what you decide, for the children's sake.

Answer 4

You are hurting right now because even though you're separating, like it or not he's the father of your children. You might find this difficult but it is also hard for the kids. Aside from being hurt, you gonna be angry and sad too and those feelings are normal.

Answer 5

Being seperated myself, I totally understand where you are.
First, you should not be involved in him looking for a place to live. All you need to know is where he is..
At this point you need to do some sole surching is the really what you want..And is it what he wants??
Your first pririty are the kids they need to know that both of you love them even if you too can't get along..
You hurt so much because you loved him and may still.
There will alot of emotions to go through anger, loss, depresion, all i really can say is make sure that this is what you both want, It's easyer to just walk away than to work it out.
Just make sure it is what you want!!!!
LOOD LUCK

Answer 6

Honey, you're going through hell. You are grieving for the death of something very dear to you: your marriage. I've been through it, and even though in my case I (sort-of) "chose" to separate, it still hurt like hell. At the same time, like you I was trying to protect my child from the ugliness and agony.

To answer your question, you can except all sorts of conflicting emotions: deep sadness, guilt, shame, rage, fury, love, hate, and everything in between.

All I can say is, keep your kids, family, and friends close, and it WILL get better in time.....

Answer 7

you hurt because of the time that you spent together and the children, there is no easy way to brake up that is why the word brake is in it.. anything that brakes hurt but in your heart you know is what you want and soon it will heal and the both of you can go on with your lives.. hope that friendship still in the picture for the children sake.. good luck be brave and go with what your heart tells you..

Answer 8

Every emotion you feel is normal.......all of them......and they are neither right or wrong, they just are.
You will likely run the gammit of many emotions and they will run from one minute to the next.
If you only do one healing thing for yourself as you go thru this unhappy process.......make it writing in a journal. Get your emotions out and onto paper. It is very theraputic.

Answer 9

Find a group for separated and divorced people. Go there and share your feelings and listen to other people. It really will help you.

Try local churches to find such groups.

Good luck. I will pray for you.