I opened a jar of bees
While sitting in my car, ouchie
Why ouchie? Because it stung my Knee.
And all I wanted was honey
But all I got was a bum knee.
2007-11-01 13:59:03 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
Thank you people, this input you're telling me will help out my skills in the Poetry Department.
2007-11-01 14:03:48 · update #1
Honestly, a three..................
Here's some constructive criticism:
-make it longer
-Don't focus too much on rhyming; not all poems rhyme
-Use a more intelligent vocabulary
-Give a poem meaning, an in-depth look at how you feel, something intense and inspiring
-Seek help from an expert at poetry (one of the most expert people you know)
2007-11-01 14:12:22 · answer #1 · answered by ♠I Did My Time♠ 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
1 or 2
2016-04-01 23:37:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
10!
2007-11-01 14:08:06 · answer #3 · answered by sunshine 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
this sounds like a poem a 1st grader would write as soon as he/she learns to rhyme. i give it a 0, sorry. get a more grown up subject to write about, UNLESS this is meant for children then it gets a 1
2007-11-01 14:05:41 · answer #4 · answered by You Don't Know Me™ 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would have liked to see something that rhymes better with Bees.
Try: Sneeze, wheeze, keys, Sleeze, etc.
I opened a jar of bees
Because my woman is a sleeze
I began to sneeze
I stared to wheeze.
I smashed them with my keys.
Took me 30 seconds.
2007-11-01 14:10:44 · answer #5 · answered by wudusaydude 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Very creative 10!
2007-11-01 14:04:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Sorry sweetheart it just doesn't make the grade*
I will give it a 1 for effort*
2007-11-01 14:03:01 · answer #7 · answered by Me 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
a bum knee is a bleached head?? press one for shoulder support or two for brilliant tiny poets :) some of bills...
2007-11-01 16:13:32 · answer #8 · answered by Tom S 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i have to say.
that is raw man.
haha but i wrote a poem
and it took me
about a month and it goes...
open the door and say hello,
and would you like any jell-o?
haha yours is much better.
-maryjane
2007-11-01 14:05:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
that is really cute. A star and about a 9
2007-11-01 14:03:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋