What do you think of my 'What's A Guy To Do?' poem?

Question

(In the musical that never became because I can not write music and never found a writing partner to do so, this came right before the ‘What’s a Girl To Do?’ number. The girls’ version was a retort to this one. I always liked the image of one of the girls coming on stage after this number with a large sign hung around her neck.)


WHAT’S A GUY TO DO?

They’re insulted if we whistle
and they’re insulted if we don’t.
They’re insulted if we make a pass
and they’re insulted more when we won’t.

Tell us now, what’s a guy to do
to understand them?
Tell us now, what’s a guy to do
to live around them?

Maybe they should be wearing signs
that say ‘Don’t Talk To Me’ or ‘Do’
or ‘One-Night Stands’ or ‘A Love True Blue’
or anything that will ease our minds?

Tell us now, what’s a guy to do
to find a girlfriend?
Tell us please, any one of you,
what is not a sin?

(Do you think these two poems seem dated by today's standards? Please offer your input.)

Dead, the girl's version was posted right before this one.

To those picking on this I totally agree with you. It is rather amatuer. I was just starting to try my had at lyrics and it shows.

Big G, if you want to read some of my newer writing here is a link to my LJ Blog:

http://unmired.livejournal.com/

Please take the time to read through some of this.

Answer 1

PERFECTION!
Wtih all the crossed messages women give, who knows what they want.
Do what you want, really means, DO IT & YOU'LL BE SORRY............YEP
WHAT'S A GUY TO DO?

Answer 2

it sounds more like a cry for help with women to me than a poem.

also, the rhyme scheme varies in stanzas one and three. if moves from abcb to abba. that kind of confused me my first read.

i don't know, man. i wouldn't really pursue a career if this is ur A effort, but I'm sure many people have said those same words to some famous writers. just go back to the drawing board and use this as fodder to create something new and fresh.

good luck.

Answer 3

I fairly preferred it! It took me a while to uncover a rhythm wherein I can learn it - however it is superbly written. You have an overly best option of phrases and it additionally sounds beautiful well.

Answer 4

No. Not to be mean but what are these lyrics
they have no sense of true creativity
and are lame
my suggestion is spend your time doing something else

Answer 5

I found it to be quite true, as well as quite humorous, and it's not dated.

dd