After 15 years of marriage, my husband told me today that he wants a divorce, was your day better than mine?

Answer 1

Girl, it doesn't really MATTER how MY day went. what counts here is how YOU are coping. The very first thing I would like to say is that divorce happens far too freely and easily in this society. Marriage is created by God to mirror the relationship between Him and His Son the Christ...it is an institution created for mankind to feel loved, protected, safe, and wanted..for him to raise children, and over years draw closer to one another and to HIM.

I have no clue WHY this guy has asked to be released from his marriage vows...but i DO have a question for him: and for you: have you each done EVERY SINGLE THING YOU KNEW HOW TO DO TO SAVE THIS MARRIAGE? Have you put all of your time, effort, heart and soul into protecting, nurturing, cherishing, being faithful to, and helping, your mate? You have NO RIGHT to leave your marriage until you can say without hesitation that you have done every conceivable thing that man can do, to save it. You must EARN your way out of marriage. God says so, and (lol) so does Dr. Phill.

If either of you has been cheating, I must ask why were you not putting all that energy into rekindling love with your spouse?

Young lady, fifteen years is a long way to travel with a mate, only to be let out of the car before you reach the end of the trip. Seek reliable, professional counseling NOW. It makes no difference how things turn out, whether this marriage is saved or lost...you BOTH need professional guidance. See if your husband will agree to go to marriage counseling with you. PRAY. Lean on God. He is the author of you, your husband, and your marriage.

Are there children? See to it that they also get counseling...divorce, which most people take so casually these days, is disastrous to a child's self-image. Believe me (thru experience) when I tell you no matter their ages, children suffer horribly during a time of a marital breakup.

Get some help. Talk to someone you trust, who has the proper credentials to help you walk through all of this. This is not a bing-bang-boom "he asked for it, I gave it to him, it's over" deal. This is going to take awhile.

You left so much unanswered. Is there someone else? Have you been getting along well until now? Did you know something was wrong? Do you have ownership in his reason for leaving or is it all about HIS desires? Are there children, and how old? Is this the first time for either of you having marital woes? Is this the first marriage for each of you?

You need to stop writing the people on here for your answers, (but please DO write us for prayer and support!) and get yourself IMMEDIATELY to strong capable counsel, both legal and for self...draw close to the Lord in this...He sees your pain and He sees things the both of you probably don't right now...He sees past the hurt and anguish and into your very souls, and HE knows all the thoughts, desires, angers, and things that have brought you to where you are. Open your Bible and read. CRY and I do mean CRY OUT TO THE LORD and tell Him how you are feeling. Rant! Rage! Sorrow! Holler! Bawl! Go ahead, let it all out! He cares. He can help. He is the Great Physician, the Author of Life itself, the founder of the holy sanctified institution of marriage.

Surround yourself right now, sister, with prayer warriors, people who love you, and who will help you get through this. Do NOT give in to depression, feeling worthless, useless, unnecessary...those feelings are apt to arrive soon, and if or when they do, try putting yourself out there for others. Volunteer. If you're a church member/attender, sign up to help people less fortunate, go on a missions trip even if you never leave your home town...and don't let yourself sink into a state of apathy or anger toward your husband if the marriage does NOT survive.. Give your anger over to God and let HIM decide how to exact revenge. He WILL call to accountability for this. Bank on that. So don't worry about it on a personal level.

Just concentrate right now on (1) PRAYER AND TRUST IN GOD, (2) leaning upon friends without becoming whiny and self-absorbed...instead, use their loving kindness as a springboard toward healing, and get out there and take focus off your own woes and put it onto helping those who are suffering other ways, (3) leave revenge, hatred and anger behind you and in God's capable hands, and reach toward help for your own healing, (4) invite your husband to join you in marriage counseling and individual therapy and if he refuses, YOU GO,, and finally, (5) NEVER EVER let any man be the author of your sense of self-worth or your sense of self-approval.

YOU are created by God, theMost High, and HE DOES NOT MAKE GARBAGE. NEVER EVER forget that you are HIS beautiful perfect child, beloved eternally, and that HE will never ever leave you, or forget you...and that when He made you, He knew you. He can number the hairs on your head, He loves you that much. God did not create woman to be man's toss-outs...he created us to be man's helpmeet AS LONG AS MAN CHERISHES US. When you promised to "love honor and OBEY" all that meant was that you would respect him, and IF he proved to be a leader of the home who truly cherished you and the marriage, submit your respect to him....HE is called in this, to do much more...the man is called to "LOVE YOUR WIFE AS CHRIST LOVES THE CHURCH, being willing to lay down HIS LIFE for her." He is to cherish you, andthat means to lead with YOUR BEST INTERESTS AND WELLBEING AND JOY in mind at all times.

Remember, you are NOT going through this all alone...and God NEVER EVER just parks you in a valley of woe...HE takes you THROUGH it. I promise you.

GOD LOVES YOU. WE WILL PRAY FOR YOU. HAVE FAITH. TAKE COURAGE, for the Lord, your God, is with you. I pray this is resolved according to HIS glory and HIS will and YOUR benefit...may this experience, no matter how it turns out, result in you gaining strength, joy, self control, mercy, forgiveness, and peace...and a closer walk with theChrist who loves you.

Meanwhile, girl, know that all of us out here have likely experienced something similar, maybe worse, maybe not, and NONE OF IT MATTERS except how we handled it!

Answer 2

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Answer 3

To quickly answer your question, yes it was.

If a guy says that, then you can figure that he is serious, or else he is a hot head and you two got into an argument.

Tomorrow, tell him to sit down and let's talk. What does he want to do? If he wants out, then see if you can work out a lot of the details, instead of letting the lawyers wind up with all your savings and stuff.

If he wants to work it out, then you can go from there. Sit down and discuss the problems in the marriage.

Now what about you, what do you want?

Be thankful that it is 15 years and not 16 or 17 or 25.
This will give you extra years to find another that will love you. And it will give you some extra years to be loved.

Sorry to hear about your situation, but it is always better to be informed about the truth, then you can make the right decision to help you find hapiness.

good luck in the future and with the rest of your life.

Answer 4

Bless your heart. Is it worth working on ?
Are children involved ? Has he been a good husband ?
Up to now, has it been a good marriage ?
Have you been happy ?

Maybe you would be better off without him. Only you know if this marriage has a flicker of a flame left. If it does try to make it work. ~~~~~I did 54 yrs. ago and today my Hubby & I are happy as can be together. Christ is the head of our home & we are so grateful for his blessings.
You will be on my mind & in my prayers as I reach out to God.

Answer 5

It's funny how you think you've had the worst day on earth and then someone else has a worse day and you feel guilty for feeling like you had the worst day. :-( I'm sorry that he said that to you. Was it an "I think I want a divorce" thing or "I want a divorce" thing? You might want to clarify that with him first. It might be that he just wanted to grab your attention so the two of you can start to work on things together. You never know.

Answer 6

i was basically tired all day...and still at work all i want is a shower and a warm bed.

But since am single and never or might not ever experience such a long relationship...my bed will be cold again

Treasure the pass and enjoy the future the best is about to begin.

He has given you freedom

Answer 7

After 20 years of marriage my wife died from cancer. I have very few good days, but I am willing to guess that my day was better than yours. I was depressed, but not treated like you were.

Answer 8

My day was a much better day, thank you. However, my heart is saddened by this post as fifteen years, is a long time to share your life with one person. It pains me to hear that anyone is going through this. In as much, I hope you do not mind if I pray for you and for God's will to be done in this situation, in your life.

I have been married for 35 years and if you need to talk....please, e-mail me.

God bless you,
Gail

Answer 9

well, umm,my day wasnt quite as bad.

Did he gove you a reason ?
You didnt give us a lot to go on here.
let him know how you feel , and ask him if he would be willing to try counceling.........

divorce isnt the end of the world,although it may seem that way..I have been there,so I know what your going through. tomorrow is another day,and next week is another week..

if he wont go to counceling, then make yourself an appointment and go for you

Answer 10

I'm sure that there are some issues in your relationship that have been going on. I can't imagine after that long that he would just dump you for no reason. Is there someone else? Suggest counceling if there is a problem!

Answer 11

Yes, my day was better. I cannot imagine how you are feeling now. Actually, are you happy? Has he been abusive or cheating or something? Or are you really depressed, because he just said it out of the blue? Were there indications?