My husband is a great guy and a great father, but he's unromantic for the most part.?

Question

He knows enough to buy me something for my birthday/anniversary/holidays, but it's the same ol' thing every single time. It's like a knee-jerk reaction. He picks up the phone and orders flowers, not even roses, but carnations. He doesn't even think to have them sent somewhere that I can brag, they come to the house. And then that's it. That's it. Oh, except that he'll fish for compliments over and over and over again. It's not good enough that I tell him thanks and feign excitement. I've told him before that I need more from him. I need more romance, but every time he falls short. I'm really sad that he let my birthday pass with the same ol' crap. I don't want to speak to him. Am I over-reacting? What can I do?

Answer 1

Oh, Honey....I feel your heart slowly hardening...it hurts and is extremely disappointing however, no man can ever express that which he does not know. You have had a lot of good recommendations and suggestions and even some harsh criticisms....but, you know what? I believe if we truly want something we must first be willing to give it. So teach, teach and teach some more and hopefully within winds of time you will soon begin to see the baby development of that which you are trying to grow, romance. And one day you will walk out to your car and find post it notes covering the windows telling you how much you are his dream come true....because you know what...you are God's dream come true and you must first realize that for yourself and determine to make your marriage that reality...a piece of heaven on earth...till death do you part. I pray that you will hear the love in this message and that it will bring you hope and even a little help...I know that if you want it, only you can make it happen. My best wishes to you and your new success in teaching the one you love how to love....remember you have the rest of your life to do it...fun...yay!

Answer 2

HI,,, No your not over reacting at all,,, you just tired of the same old crap over and over again and i am sure that you deserve much more than you are getting,,, You need to let him know how you feel and if that don't work then you need to do what you think is best ,,, you cant live like that ,,, its very depressing,,, maybe its time for a change ,,,you need to start fixing up your self in a different way,,, like color your hair a different color,, change your perfume,,, polish your toes and nails ,, just start to take really good care of your self ,,, and when he notice that ,,, then he should start giving you more attention,,, It is worth a try,,,
I hope that everything goes well for you
Good Luck
Leena

Answer 3

They can learn and even if you think it's hopeless, guess what...with effort and knowledge it can improve! You need to ask for what you want.

Then get books w/ideas you like, highlight the ideas that really hit home with you, then let him read the books! :)

The best thing is even if you don't feel excited, feign it...bc it will become more of a habit and feel natural eventually. He will feed off of your enthusiasm, and then gently introduce new ideas and themes. When he sees himself benefiting from the changes, he will start to initiate more!

Likewise a wife can't read the mind of her husband, and I just point blank tell mine that if he wants something to let me know!

It's amazing how some couples can carry resentments and grudges and secrets for years - it's not healthy. Strive to open the communication in positive ways.

Answer 4

You are not over reacting. A man feels that if his wife is still his wife than he is doing something right. Some men feel that as long as they go to work every day and come home to you and the kids than what more can they do.

I have a wonderful husband every day of the year except for my birthday (I get a card with cash, even though I have told him that cash isn't a gift), the same for mothers day and Christmas. I am the only one who wakes up without anything to open. It hurts, I have tried to explain it to him and he said I am spoiled. I don't know how I am going to get through Christmas this year knowing what is coming, nothing!

My favorite gift last year over all the gifts from family members and friends was a coffee mug. A huge latte mug that is just perfect. My favorite lunch is my homemade soup and it is just perfect for it. My Dad put effort into that gift that cost less than $20 and that is why it means so much and my husband will just never get it.

I have even thought of packing a bag and walking out Christmas night but I won't tear my kids from their home. I just wish that I could come up with something to wake him up.

There are others like you out here and we understand. If you come up with anything that might help email me, OK?

Answer 5

Feigning excitement is sending your husband the wrong message, and it isn't helping him know what will please you. Have you ever told him what you want or do you expect him to read your mind?

People accept and express love in different ways. You two aren't speaking the same love language. Go to this website: http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/
Take the online quiz, but better yet get the book. It's inexpensive and a quick and easy read. It has worked wonders for other couples in the same boat as you. It truly can make a difference. Good luck!

Answer 6

Sit down and write him a nice sweet long love letter and explain to him how you feel and tell him that you do not expect him to do it every day but on certain holidays or special days if he be just little bit of a softy and do something that is romantic like flowers or a card every once in while just so that you know that he still has that magical feeling for you

Answer 7

Wow, focus on his good qualities, not on the shortcomings. You can't have everything! Good guy and a great father? Do you know how lucky you are? Yes, we all want "more", there's always something that can be done better. But it's wise to appreciate what you have rather than getting stuck on what you don't have.

Sorry, but I've had enough of the "romantic" b.s. with my ex. All this romance was worth nothing when he walked out to be with another woman. I appreciate the heck out of my husband who is loyal and works hard to provide for the family. The most romantic thing for me is to come home to a supportive and respectful husband.

Answer 8

Sounds like you are expected a ton. And frankly have you ever heard of positive reinforcement? Obviously not. He goes out of his way to get you flowers and all you have to say is that they are not even roses but carnations. Wow, how ungrateful can you be?

Romance works both ways. What exactly have you done for him? That's what I thought, you seem really selfish and frankly I think your man can do a lot better. Anybody who calls themselves Princess is not only high maintence but clearly self absorbed as well.

If what you want is roses, perhaps try to give in order to receive, I know it sounds like a unexplored territory with you but you have to start sometime or be alone forever. Guys and Girls can only take a one-sided street for so long.

Answer 9

Most men don't understand romance or if they do they forget it once they say "I Do".

You are going to have to re-teach him romance by romancing him. When is the last time you made him a romantic candlelight dinner with no kids around? Put on music and turned down the lights after dinner and just danced closely? Talk to him and tell him you miss romance and would like to have a date night every other week and then do it, go out on a real date a couple of times a month. Make out in the car and rekindle that flame...

Good Luck

Answer 10

You are not over-reacting but know you are not alone, so many men are like this. If they were romantic once, they need to remember that and bring it back, but for some reason many men either don't have a clue or don't realize how-important it is to their spouse. You could try doing something very romantic with him and show him what you are talking about. Let him know for the 100th time how important this is to you, how it makes you feel.