He has overstepped the bounds of our marital vows. I know that I need to leave him. My question is- do I tell the other woman's husband what I know? He is a victim too.
2007-11-01 12:11:56 · 23 answers · asked by wondering woman 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
the less contact u have with her or her husband the better off it will be. emotional affairs usually always turn into full blown affairs, and once they happen there is very Little u can do except contact your attorney, freeze his as setts, and move on. leave with your dignity even if her hubby finds out and your husband stops it, what about he next time? to seek revenge just keeps u tied to it, why not make a clean break, and let her husband worry about his own wife. why get involved in it, as theres nothing u can do, the damage has already been done.
2007-11-01 12:47:57 · answer #1 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, I understand you're hurt. I want to give you some suggestions from personal experience. I am not saying this is the same situation as mine but it may shed some light and help you make a decision. I was so emotionally bankrupt in my marriage for MANY years. I tried to talk to my husband, get counseling for many years. I even suffered physical, emotional and verbal abuse. I had "an emotional affair" with a man that I met online. What is the difference between an emotional affair and a good friend? I never met him or have seen him in person. He was there for me and that is what I needed. He gave me the strength to leave my husband. I am now divorced and still never met this man in person. I am glad he was there for me then.
How has your marriage been up until this point? Do you think if you went to marriage counseling it would help? Divorce is not easy. Do you have children? Divorce is VERY hard on them. It is financially and emotionally draining. I would not recommend it unless there is NO hope. I hope my story has helped you. Good Luck. P.S. I wouldn't tell the woman's husband YET. You may need a trump card.
2007-11-01 14:09:24 · answer #2 · answered by Dani Bosco 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The way it was put to me when I was trying to make the same choice. What will you get out of telling the other partner. If there is nothing in it for you. Then why put the other person through the hell you are in. The people who are causing all this pain will get theirs in the end.
On a side note are you sure that you need to leave him. Is there no chance that the two of you can work on the issues that started the affair. Wish you the best. They tell me it gets better but I''m still looking for that day.
2007-11-01 12:41:50 · answer #3 · answered by Papa's Q 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You said an "emotional" affair not a physical one. Has it been physical? Are you sure you want to end a marriage after this one indescretion? How did you find out? Did your husband tell you? Don't you think everyone deserves a second chance?
As for telling the other person's husband, don't do it. It is wrong to cause trouble with their marriage just because you have been hurt in yours. Think about how hurt you are and do you really think you want to hurt someone else that way.
Think about why you married him and maybe seek some counseling but don't give up just yet.
Good Luck
2007-11-01 12:24:50 · answer #4 · answered by mn lady 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just personal opinion, not scientific: stick with talking to your husband and not the other spouse. It's hard enough dealing with that kettle of fish, much less diving into another one. Even tho you feel for the other guy and can commiserate, it could get sticky, messy & ugly. Get advice from a counselor if you need help collecting your thoughts, too. Good luck. (p.s. Dark side of this is featured on Ghost Whisperer tonight, a college prof having an affair w/ a student, yikes!)
2007-11-02 13:17:26 · answer #5 · answered by outdoorsy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no, this may be only one- sided on his part. You have no idea what he has been telling her about your relationship or how SHE feels about it. She may look at him as someone who needs a friend and support and not even realize what level he has taken this to. Orrr it could be the other way around.. She may be leaning on him and he is enjoying the feeling of being needed, etc.
Have you considered counseling instead of heading straight for divorce? I am sure there is a lot more here than just this issue in your relationship and I am not judging, but I would suggest some therapy first.
Good luck. I really feel for you, but revenge is not the best first step.... now, talking to HER , well, that would seem perfectly within your "rights"..... but do keep calm and do not make it seem threatening. See if your man has been telling her the truth about your relationship or feeding her a bunch of hogwash, or viseversa.
2007-11-01 12:18:16 · answer #6 · answered by dedum 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
More info about the 'emotional affair' is needed. The thing about those is unlike physical affairs, they can just happen and they may not know it's bothering you like this. Tell him this is making you feel extremely upset and ask him to end the friendship for the sake of your marriage.
If he doesn't then he made his choice.
2007-11-01 12:17:29 · answer #7 · answered by radman2035 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I honestly think that you should not go tell him at all. I think that you should, instead of leaving your husband, maybe talk to him, ask him what is missing in your relationship, that he's having an emotional affair with someone else. Maybe there is something missing in the puzzle of your lives. Only you can make it right, and him doing what he's doing is totally wrong, but maybe he deserves that second chance.
2007-11-01 12:17:15 · answer #8 · answered by pebbleish 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Are you saying he's in love with this woman but has not gotten physical yet? More information is needed.
As far as her husband is concerned, that is a tough one. Think about your reasons for wanting to tell him. Is it because you want her to get caught? Or is it because you feel bad for the guy? (Is it a selfish or selfless reason?) If it's a more selfish reason, you might want to think about it carefully. I would be extremely tempted to tell her husband just to pop her bubble but...what comes around goes around anyway and she'll get hers...trust me.
2007-11-01 12:54:12 · answer #9 · answered by chandiepoo 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you are trying to save your marriage, you need to confront the devil, head on. have you went down on the job just to see husband? find out how bad he wants to continue this emotional relationship or maybe having it broadcasted by telling her husband. there are a few things you can do here. make your husband start being truthful and be truthful within yourself. i had relationship on my job and wish to god when i fiance started noticing i wished that she would came on my job to expose the truth about me. is some thing that u might want work out? i guess the bottom line is that u want the truth of the sitauation.
2007-11-01 12:31:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋