Does our society place to much value on SEX that were willing to destroy our lives and family's for it?

Question

My back ground: I had an affair after 24 years of marriage and my then 11 year old caught me and informed his father!

I married the man I was having the affair with after my 1st husband divorced me!
nearly 3 years later my 2nd marriage is in final stages of divorce and to this day my son wont even talk to me, visit me, send all the letter, or presents I mail him back to me!
As stated above I have no contact with my son because my Ex. got full custody and my son wont accept what I did and calls me horrible names!

I'm 51 now and sadly have nothing in my life worth having so in my case yes I did put to much value in SEX and paid the price!
I learned that lesson and lost everything!

My question to you is this; DO we place to much VALUE on SEX in our society instead of looking at other things that offer us more full lives?

I SAY YES, what do you say?
Please, Please learn from my mistakes it difficult to live with the sham of destroying your childs trust in you.

He left me after he dtold me I was a dry ****, and not worth the effort!
Yes I know it on me and I accept that!

He's living with a 32 year old with 2 kids of her own, and sadly I'm almost glad he's gone!

Yes well my only child wont talk to me so I think in all reality it is our values that should define our lives not sex!

Answer 1

I think it all depends on the individual, some people let themselves ride on their emotions and want the fun and excitement and sadly don't think of the consequences.

Answer 2

Sex wasn't the problem here.

The problem was that you placed yourself before your family. You risked everything for a thrill.

This can occur whether it is drugs, an affair, alcohol, work, internet chat rooms, fantasy baseball, WHATEVER. You found something you wanted and, come hell or high water, no family's going to get in your way.

You seem eager to blame society for ruining your marriage. You placed too much value on your own selfish impulses, which in your case, were sexual.

As for your son - I have still not managed to get over what my mother did to my father and my brothers. It was a little similar. And she STILL won't accept responsibility for it.

EDIT By the way I'm not suggesting you go around whipping yourself forever over it - you have taken a lot of lumps here for your decision, but I will ask you to take one last one - admit this was all about you and had little to nothing to do with society's value on sex.

I wish you well. I really do. I do wish your son would at least talk to you. But if you talk to him, don't make excuses. Say you're sorry and tell him what you want out of your relationship now.

Answer 3

Sex, is very much something to be valued. Sex does not destroy lives unless the person is an addicted to sex. Your marriage was not destroyed because of your affair. Your affair was because something was missing. Your first husband does not sound like much of a prize. he should be helping his child your son find forgiveness and a relationship with his mother.If not an relationship with you. Right now . He needs to be able to forgive you for his peace. I know you did not ask but do you have a relative, pastor,or friend who could talk to your son.

Answer 4

Sex was not the problem her the problem was that you had a affair and your son saw you think about he see's his father as the man in his life he ios the man of the house. The person that he looks up to. You choose to have sex with this othejr man but my doing so you hurt your son in the process. This is not right I am sorry to say but you screwed up and you need to find your son and tell him you ar sorry beg his forgiveness noow you are alone and you will be like this until you go to your son and beg forgiveness he is the only one you have now and he will forgive you are his mother you gave him life. Tell him you love him with all your heart. Again Sex is not the problem her betrayal and trust is the problem here and your longing to be with someone else that was not your husband is the problem here. And if your son does not forgive you then turn to god ask for forgiveness form him and pray to him to help get your son back.

Answer 5

I do believe that you have something worth living for, now yes you messed up that relationship, and you have suffered the consequence but your son, has to also learn the lesson of forgiveness. He not able to sit in judgement of you, to the point that he never talks to you again for an error in judgement. DO we place to much value you on sex, yes and no, I think that sex is very taboo for most kids.Most girls are taught that its something you should only do when your in love, and if you do otherwise your a whore,slut etc. I think that sex has it proper place in life. And we should redefine what that place is. I don't think that sex was the reason your marriage failed. I think that was the reason that came to surface. But its time to stop punishing yourself for a lapse in judgement you made years ago. Its time to go forward, and learn the lesson, the real lesson life is trying to teach you.

Answer 6

I say yes too...these kids now days think that.. sex is what a relationship means and it is so much more..and they think every one they have sex with they are in love with too.. there in lust not love but they are too young to know the difference we all have been there at some time in our lives you dont just skip that part..as far as the shame ..we are ALL human and we ALL makes mistakes that's how we learn we just need to teach and apply forgiveness along the way..you can't change what's already done you just try to not make that same miss take twice..you can't make anyone forgive you but to start with you must forgive yourself first before any healing can begin

Answer 7

Apparently, you were not the only one placing too much emphasis on sex. What about your ex and your son? If they didn't do the same (place too much "value" on sex), your marriage would still be intact. Our whole society seems to be obsessed with sex - kind of in a love-hate relationship with it. If I found out my dad had a sexual relationship with someone other than my mom, I would support my mom, but my feelings towards my dad would not change. I would not cut him out of my life. It's ridiculous to place so much importance on a sexual encounter that you cease all contact with a parent. Yes, you've exercised bad judgment, but IMO so did your ex and your son. It took all of you to destroy a family, it wasn't just your doing.

A background on myself: my ex-husband (together for 5 years) left me for another woman. It hurt me that he left, not that he had intercourse with another woman. I chose not to hold a grudge, and 7 years after our divorce we are on good terms, and talk every few weeks. It's not the end of the world. I am now re-married, and he's with someone else. Life goes on.

Answer 8

i to cheated on some one and my result was i caught felony charge behind it. and because of my actions i was caught having conservations about sex with another woman after i had been forgiven. in society today and the same old addage they say " sex is advertised" on tv, there seems to be some type of overture with sex in anything u see and do. they sex is supposed to be healthy and a part of life but i think we some times get confused and cross lines when we use it for guilty pleasures or to get back at some one or feeling real low in life. sex should be great with some one that you have feelings for and not feelings of regret after the act is over with. sometimes i think we need to question our selves as a person as to when i committ to these kinds of acts, what will be the end result? so i do think we put to much in valve of sex instead of the purpose of it.

Answer 9

don't make PERSONAL choices a societal issue. That's what women can do when they have an affair, it's called "blame shifting". If a man admitted to an affair he's just a PIG, and the women responding to his admission would be brutal.

You will find that you're going to catch a break from the name calling, not only because you formed your question in the frame of a college sociology thesis, you also get instant victim status for your actions. Even you have protected yourself with victim status. I don't know what good that does, because as you said, you still ended up with NOTHING to show for your affairs, but one thing our society does value is VICTIM STATUS.

Answer 10

Apparently you placed more value in sex than you did your family and you have paid the price.

I don't think most people think that way, most of us still have famiy values and don't want to risk our family for anything.

Perhaps you should try apologizing to your child and letting him know that you made a horrible mistake and you are sorry.

Good Luck

Answer 11

oh hell no. first off, don't you dare base what happened to your son for an indiscretion. your son's anger stems from his father. the father had NO business allowing this behavior to happen. he indulged it, he fueled it and he enjoyed every moment of it. because he needed to get back at you. and YOU let him. millions of people have parents that have had affairs and gotten over it. this has NOTHING to do with sex at all. this was about revenge.
yes, you shouldn't have had an affair, that is never a positive thing. but it happened.
sex is important to me. will always be important to me. i want sex all the time. with my husband. because i love sex with my husband. if something happens with either of us and we feel the need to go outside the marriage, then i hope we both have the honesty to be upfront about it so we can both move on from it.
your drastic turn in life had nothing to do with sex. it had to do with a vengeful disgusting man that took his anger on the mental health of a child to get back at you.