My boyfriend will not marry me! What should I do?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for more then three years. We have a house together and we have a baby on the way. He has told be that he will marry me but i get the feeling that he is not going to. His family( including his mother) has said that he not he marrying type. That if has not already done it then he most like will not. I know that he feels safe because he knows how much I love him and that I want to be with him for the rest of our lives. He tells me that it because we do not have the money, but i think that he scared of marriage. He think that marriage is a wasted. Because more then half of the world is divorce. I told him that marriage for a women is knowing that your man loves you enough to marry you and be with you for the rest of you life. He says that he does that we just don't have the money right now. I just get the feeling that if it doesn't happen now that when the time comes it would be like we are already married. What should I do?

Answer 1

Wow...I know EXACTLY how you feel! My boyfriend and I have been together almost 3 years and I'm ready to get engaged and married and start a family and be together forever. But he says he doesn't have the money. Too many people who marry at our age end up getting a divorce. He wants to make sure this is what he really wants. He doesn't feel like he's lived yet. All his friends are having fun and moving to New York and partying and all that. He says he wants to be with me forever and he loves me, but he doesn't know if he wants marriage. He isn't 100% ready for anything like engagement or marriage. He's even had a ring for a while now. But he hasn't gotten it sized or fixed or anything (it's his mom's first ring). To me it feels as if he's never going to ask me to marry him. I know he loves me and I believe he wants to stay with me. But without marriage it feels as though he would have an easier out if he ever wanted to leave me. Without marriage it feels as though he's not 100% sure I'm the one. That if someone better came along then he would be able to leave for her. It kinda hurts because I'm a typical girl who started planning her wedding when she was 5 years old. Except back then it was probably to Barney or the Backstreet Boys or one of my kindergarten boyfriends. Who knows. But anyway. It hurts because I love him so much and I AM ready to get engaged and married. I AM ready to commit my life to him forever. But he isnt' the same way. He also says he's scared. I can't understand that because I have NEVER been scared about being with him forever. I don't know how to make him feel better. I don't know how to help him understand how important marriage is to me. OH...and he's saying that he can't give me my dream wedding. That we don't have the money for it. I know this. I told him I don't care about the big wedding and honeymoon. All I want is him. Then he says that if all I want is him then why do we have to get married. It's just a big viscious circle. Whether it takes him a day or 20 years, I will wait for him. But I know I'd be happiest joined in marriage.

So, to finally answer your question, I don't know what you should do. But I wanted to let you know you aren't alone. There are other women out there who are wondering whether or not their men want to marry them.

Good luck and I hope everything works for you! And congrats on the baby on the way!

Answer 2

I agree that if he wanted to marry you, he would have done so by now. "We don't have the money" is a b/s excuse - getting married costs around $100, and if you don't have this much money in the bank, what are you doing having a baby? Obviously, it's a very bad cop-out.

You should do what you feel is right for you. How important is marriage to you? Is it more important than your relationship? There's no "right" or "wrong" answer here - you have to make this decision for yourself. If it's very important to you that the person you're with marries you, then you are wasting your time with this guy. You need to look for someone who has similar ideas on marriage. If you feel that you are ok being with a person who will never marry you, then work on the relationship, but take some extra precautions to ensure a safe future (make sure you both have a will, etc). It's really up to you to figure out your priorities. I'd say, one thing NOT to do is to stay in this relationship and be constantly resentful for him not marrying you. If you choose to stay, you will have to accept and make peace with the fact that marriage is not in your future.

Answer 3

I guess you have to decide what is really important to you. Is marriage that important? To some it is, to others not so much.

If it is, and you want that commitment, I'm sorry to say, that at this time, it doesn't look good that you are going to get it from him, because after all, he already has all the perks of marriage, without any of the hassle. Why should he bother?

If it isn't that important to you, then let it alone and y'all might just live together happily ever after!

Search your heart, and you'll find the answer and know what's the best decision for you.

Answer 4

First of all get a lawyer and see what you need to do to make sure your child is taken care of. Second, have a heart to heart with your boyfriend. Tell him that you want to be married. Tell him that it is important to you. Tell him that if he doesn't marry you that you may walk. Tell him that you will give him a year and if he still doesn't want to marry you, you are going to end the relationship and then do it.

Answer 5

You are right to want marriage. Especially since you are going to have a child.

Right now, since you are pregnant, you may not be in the position to do anything about it .. but you CAN "think" it out.

You may be right ,, he may never marry you. He may think he does not have to.

You need to think this out for a long time. Think of your future years. And the future years of your child .. and perhaps - future children to come.

Decide in your heart & mind what you really & truly want. Don't sell yourself short .. and don't settle for anything less. You don't have to tell anyone right now .. just decide, and know, for yourself. This is the first step.

You will probably need to wait until you have your baby .. and can get back to the normal things, before you do anything else.

When you do get back to normal ... talk to your boyfriend .. and tell him your decision. If you definitely want to get married, tell him. It costs very little to go to the Justice of the Peace to get married. "Where there is a will, there is a way".

If he will not marry you .. then you will need to decide to either live with him NOT marrying you ... OR .. you will have to make other plans .. which may include going on with your life in another direction.

Only YOU knows what you can do .. and what you can't do. It may not be easy .. but life is short .. and you need to lead your life as you think you should.

If he will not marry you .. this could be considered as a 'red flag' for you. You need to decide how many years, and how many babies, are you willing to go on with this? Another thought could be .. since he won't marry you .. he may consider himself single someday .. afterall, he is not married.

All of this is tough decisions which you will have to think through .. make your choices .. and a plan.

Make your decisions wisely.

The decisions you put into your life, determines your life .. and your children's. So if you allow him NOT to marry you .. you will be the one to have to live with it.

Answer 6

Wow, you really screwed yourself over by getting a house and having a baby together. If he hasn't already proposed then he never will. You'd probably do better to wait the seven years to become a common law wife.

I'm sorry that you're in this situation. I recently had to break up with someone who never proposed to me after two and half years of dating.

Answer 7

What I don't understand is those guys who are afraid of "commitment" living with someone, and having children with them and still not willing to "commit". What more do they need from their partners to prove that the partners are already committed?
You share everything now, a home, your body, and now a child. Why not have that piece of paper to make it official? It doesn't have to cost any more than the license, and if you can afford to have a child you can afford that much too.
It sounds like he wants your relationship to come with an escape clause, to be free to say "I've had enough, I'm gone".
Pity you didn't get the commitment before the conception.

Answer 8

You should move on. You shouldn't have to be waiting for a guy to marry you. If getting married doesn't mean that much to you then stay.

Answer 9

he probably has a point. if you guys love each other then what's the point of marrying anyway? he will be with you as long as he loves you. he just wants to make absolutely sure it's the right thing before making such a big commitment. just give him time.

Answer 10

sit him down and ask if he really wants to get married. at least in the future, don't let him use money as an excuse.

or just say you have your heart set on marrage and if he loves you he would ask you.

Well its now down to him if he wants to or not, you can't force him so just stick with it and who knows. he might soon