My husband says he is giving me one more chance to be a good "housewife"I think iam what do I do?

Question

My husband is obsessed with the house being clean. He will find things for himself to do and then get all pissed off at me after he does them because I didnt. I work full time I have a 19 month daughter and Iam only 23, I clean but not he way he wantes me too. I dont understand why something like a clean house could cause him to want to ruin our family. I sugessted a chore chart and he said he is not my dad and does not need to make me a list. I dont see my daughter as much as I want to and I dont want to spend my whole night cleaning and not spend time with her. I dont know what to do, I am not the cleanest person in the world and I dont see why we can just keep the place looking ok during the week and on the weekend clean it together really good. I dont think it is worth a divorce especially since we have a daughter. I honestly think he doesnt really love me, or why would he want to divorce me over something so trivial. I need some advise. family and love are more important

please respond to this I need help from a outside point of view

Answer 1

I went through the same thing. He won't change----he'll get worse!!! Stand up to him NOW. Give him a choice that HE can shut up and clean himself, get a maid service, or you can stop working.

If his control issues extend beyond cleanliness, then you need to get to counseling fast. He will emotionally beat you down until there's nothing left of yourself. He's threatening you with divorce to blackmail you into compliance. Don't fall for it. Get yourself strong because your daughter will need you to protect her from her father's emotional abuse.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Dear Katie:

I am so sorry for your situation. I hope you know that you were not put on this earth to be a servant or a maid to any man The only person you need to Wait on is your child as she needs you.

Since you and I hope your darling husband both work why aren't you both sharing the duties of cleaning the house? Why is it that he feels this is your job and not his. I am sure he uses the bathroom, kitchen, bedroom, living room as well.
I can say from experience that everything in my home is not always in it's place. There is a difference from dirty and messy. I work and so does my husband, if he ever suggested what your husband did I can assure you he would be holding his head from the pain of being hit with the heaviest pan I could find to knock some sense into him. If you can not do it all he has a choice he can get off his @ss and help you or hire a cleaning person to come in one day a week.

If he is looking to leave you over housekeeping then I am sorry but that is an excuse and there is something more going on. As afraid of being alone as you might be, the more you submit to his ridiculous comments the more he will walk all over you. Hold your head high know that you are a strong person and will not take abuse and set an example for your daughter on what a woman's role is.

Answer 3

My husband does the same thing, I have 3 kids and a full time job. My house in not spotless, but its not nasty either. Its lived in. He claims that on his days of (which are opposite then mine) all he does is house work. I really can't see the difference, when I get home. He claimed to have done 9 loads of laundry yesterday. The only way he did 9 loads is if he only washed 4 things at a time. I don't know what to tell you, he acts like he wants all this praise for doing a couple of things, when the list that I do is sooooo much longer. He is 45 you would think he would be better at it.

I do know that you need to find the root of the problem now, We feel resentment towards each other. You have to talk it out. Good Luck!

Answer 4

Does he obsess about anything else? Some men are just very dominant and what things done exactly the way they think they should be.
You definitely need to talk this over and work something out. Personally I think the some type of chore chart or schedule is a great idea. It's not certainly not fair for him to expect you to keep everything spotless when you work and have a young child.
Can you afford house keeping?

Answer 5

I hate to say this, but he seems to have OCD and need help immediately. To get his attention, do the following:

1) Make an appointment for Merry Maids or the equivalent to clean your house while he is gone.

2) Pack a suitcase for yourself and your daughter while this is happening.

3) Write a note explaining that he needs to get treatment and that you and your daughter are taking a vacation with your mother (or friend, sister, family, whatever) until he does so.
Leave the note on the kitchen counter.

4) Leave. But be willing to attend therapy sessions with him.

Answer 6

If you didn't work I could see him being a little annoyed. It's not about gender roles, so much as a division of labor. If I didn't work, and my wife did, I would keep house. But if you both work full time, and have a baby at home, he's just going to have to suck it up and deal with the fact that he can't eat off the floor every night.

Stop doing his laundry. When the chauvinist pig runs out of clean t-shirts, maybe he'll get the message.

Answer 7

I am OCD about a clean house too but not to the point of divorcing my husband if he doesn't clean like me...geez it sounds like you are married to HITLER!! I have a 18 month old baby too and I work full time so I totally get where you are coming from, it's hard as heck to keep a house spotless and be mommy and work full time. Almost impossible. I would hire a once a week cleaning lady without even consulting him and when he complains remind him that you are only one person.

Answer 8

As caught up as you are in this situation you need to take a step back and look at this.. if one of your friends told you that her husband told her he was gonna give her one more chance to be a good housewife what would your response be???? you'd probably tell her to leave him.. right??? your husband has deeper issues than the house being clean.. he sounds very controlling to me, and if you continue in this relationship you will just end up losing your dignity, pride and every other trace of yourself you once had.

I would not put up with this "man". He gives REAL men a bad reputation.

You need to find you a real man that will treat you as equally as you should be, and want to be with you no matter how dirty your home is. That is ridicoulous!!!!

Answer 9

Well, so long as you keep yourself picked up, like your dishes and laundry and such, he can't complain much. I mean if you clean up after yourself and your daughter, then its pretty much his mess... That is kind of what we do, I do the dishes, but my husband has to bring them in, and then I try and do a bit of laundry during the week. That way on the weekends, we take one day and just both clean... While I'm doing the kitchen, he may be doing the sweeping, etc... It is a team effort, and my portion may take longer, but its easier on my body. We both have strengths and do what we can to keep it clean.

As for your husband, hes right, he isn't your dad... But he is your husband, your partner, and it sounds to me like he isn't quite being a partner... Sounds to me like he is what most women sounds like... You know, the way men see women as a mother figure instead of a wife sometimes with the chores... Tell him that if he has standards, then as a good partner, he would do what it takes to get those taken care of. PERIOD.

Answer 10

You are married to a controlling, emotionally abusive man. I'd tell "Mr. Clean" to hire you a cleaning person or do it himself OR let you stay home and be a housewife. A housewife doesn't work outside the home. Since you do, you are a working mother/wife, not a housewife. If he doesn't lay off, I'd suggest a trial separation. Or you can prepare yourself for a life of listening to him call all the shots and make you miserable. That's not a good role model for your child to see, by the way. She should see her mother as a strong woman who can take care of herself and not "submit" to an unreasonable man.