My husband and I have been going through many difficulties as you can tell if you read my old posts. We rarely if ever had sex and he showed no attraction to me whatsoever. No kissing, hugging or showing any attention of that kind. When he almost loses me and I start to agree with seperation/divorce he becomes attentive, loving, and kisses me like he hasnt since before we got married. He talks about sex more often and how much he loves and misses me, etc...
Is this normal? I didnt feel loved, desired or cared for at all for a long time. We were like roommates. Its becoming that way again and although I ask him to lay beside me, or hold me, or just hug me or kiss my cheek he makes excuses and finds reasons not too. I love this man, and I crave just some small bit of show of love and appreciation but it never comes. We have been married a year and a half. Will it ever change? Why does it take my leaving for him to want me and then when he has me again he quits wanting me again?
2007-11-01 08:33:41 · 21 answers · asked by aalshafi 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Men can be weird. For one, we do not want to be alone, so this explains the desire to make things work when they appear to be over.
However, we are easily bored and lose interest in those we are with. I believe it is common. Not to say some NEVER experience this but I believe most do and having listened to male friends and family throughout my life, I know we are always looking, even when we have someone who others only wish they could have. It is a flaw in men.
My advice to you (although you will probably neither accept it or follow it) is to seek professional help and counseling. If this has been done or he will not agree to it, than the answer is to simply move on. You are hurting yourself and your own chances for happiness by sticking with something that is destined to fail.
If he truly loved you, you would ALWAYS know it and never question the relationship (or I should say rarely).
Now, the only other possibility is that he is suffering from depression and/or other mental health issues, which he needs to decide on whether to get treated or not. So, the next time he desires to "work things out" insist upon counseling and bring your issues up to a professional.
2007-11-01 08:43:12 · answer #1 · answered by doubleo7007 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is not into the marriage but rather the control over you. No matter what you feel now, move on and find someone who gives you the love you need all the time and not only when he wants to use it as a weapon against you to keep you there, as this guy is doing. If you stop and think about it, he would act the same way about a dog he had who kept trying to run away, be nice to it for a while before ignoring it again. There is someone better for you out here somewhere but the two of you can't meet as long as you are with this jerk!!
2007-11-01 08:46:12 · answer #2 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been married twice before, so I don't care if I don't marry again, but I won't say that I "won't" marry again...it's not a priority at all, but I would love to have someone to share my Life with... I've been single for a long time now (the better part of the past 11 yrs) so I'm comfortable with it just being me, if that's how the rest of my life goes...I have friends and family and interests, so it's never boring (but sometimes it gets lonely)...
2016-04-01 23:03:20 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why would you want a man like that to be married to? i would have left a long time ago, what kind of marriage is that to not show any sign of love or affection and make up excuses when you just want to spend time with each other, what kind of marriage is that?
no thats not normal, you ask will it ever change. it will change once the both of you stop being so immature, or until you finally had enough and left. hes taking you for granted, you can do better
2007-11-01 08:59:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a game that usually teenagers play but apparantly he never grew out of that stage. " Wanting what you can't have", he takes you for granted when you're there all the time, but when he thinks of not being able to have you, that's when he wants you the most. It's a horrible game. You should try couples couceling and if he doesn't agree to that..maybe it'd be best to seperate for a week or so, it might be hard for you but then get back and talk about things, show him your serious and you mean business and maybe he'll start to understand that he can't keep playing these games.
2007-11-01 08:39:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's normal for him..... he's stuck in the pattern. How long are you willing to put up with it and get sucked back into the lie? He's doing the bare minimum to keep you. Insist on 6 months of counseling together before accepting him back.
Reading material:
Relationship Rescue, Phil McGraw
Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman
Work on your self-esteem too:
The Magic of Thinking Big, David J. Schwartz
Learning to Love Yourself: Finding Your Self-Worth, by Sharon Wegscheider Cruse
2007-11-01 08:41:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have tried everything right? Actually leave. Go to a friend or family member........ just go. Once he realizes that you are serious he will work at getting you back. Once you have made it clear that at any moment you will leave again in a heartbeat in the future things will change.
No middle ground..... leave. It is the last thing he expects and it will spin up his worldveiw.
2007-11-01 08:58:18 · answer #7 · answered by jackson 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem is he is taking you for granted and is happy in his own world until you show signs of leaving then the drama of the event spurs new life into him.He is not treating you as a wife but as a posession
2007-11-01 08:40:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
It's the "you don't know what you've got til it's gone" syndrome. He doesn't sound like he's in love with you....but he's afraid to be alone.
You can try talking to him and telling him that you don't feel wanted and that it has to change PERMANENTLY or you're leaving for good.
Counseling may be another way to go. But if he can't fulfill either obligation....time to move on!!
2007-11-01 08:40:03 · answer #9 · answered by jtbrick1208 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He only has to act like a real husband when you finally get sick of living with a roommate. He keeps the act up for a while and then reverts back to what he is most comfortable with...his real personality.
2007-11-01 08:39:12 · answer #10 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋