My wife loves me. She is a wonderful person, but after three years of marriage, I don't feel the same way about her. I would miss not being around her anymore, but I find so many other women more enticing. I don't want to have an affair and come back to her. I'd rather end things and figure myself out, figure my priorities again. What would you suggest I do? What should I think about?
(no kids)
2007-11-01 08:27:19 · 22 answers · asked by John G 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know it is not entirely the same, but my live-in boyfriend of seven years just went through the same thing. He left me and said he needed time to find himself and re-evaluate the relationship. It hurts like hell, but I admire his honesty and to tell you the truth I really want him to be happy and not pretend to still feel the same way, that would not be healthy for either of us. When telling your wife I wouldn't mention anything about other women, make it sound about you and not her and really think things through before divorcing. Maybe you just need time apart to rekindle the flame.
2007-11-01 08:33:52 · answer #1 · answered by Ali 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I see two problems: 1) Boredom, also known as the three year or seven year itch, and 2) You do not seem to have a very strong grasp regarding the purpose of marriage.
To address the first problem, may I suggest you have an affair with your wife. Find some books regarding spicing up your life under the sheets, and discuss them with her.
To address the second problem, you need to understand that there will come a time in the marriage when the romance needs to be over and the commitment needs to begin.
This naturally occurs when the children arrive, but in the case of your marriage, you and your wife need to discuss to what purpose the two of you wish to dedicate your marriage.
In some cases this can be adoption, in other cases this can be some type of public or sectarian service performed as a couple.
In other cases this can be alternating support for the other person's highest level career goals. I helped my wife get her master's degree while our child was still small, then since I got laid off I have cared for our child while she was using her master's, and when our child enters kindergarten she will help me through my doctorate.
Good Luck
The Eternal Squire
2007-11-01 15:47:49 · answer #2 · answered by The Eternal Squire 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing you should do is go to counseling. For yourself. Then maybe marriage counseling. Try this first before just bailing on her. Sheesh....what about commitment, what about her feelings, what about finding the things in her that made you fall in love with her in the first place? If you find that none of these things help, then by all means leave. She deserves better. But, if you leave, don't leave her hanging with the "figuring myself out" routine or the "getting my priorities straight" crap. Just leave.
2007-11-01 15:38:14 · answer #3 · answered by Maggie May 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must have felt a strong, romantic connection to her once. If you love her, you can find that connection again. Go on a second honeymoon, even if it's just a long weekend. Bring her flowers for no reason, or a simple romantic gift, like some sexy lingerie. Surprise her with a fancy dinner reservation, do things you used to do just for fun. Also, couples counseling can help you express and communicate your dissatisfaction in relatively non hurtful and productive ways. Don't give up!
2007-11-01 15:35:53 · answer #4 · answered by countrygent07 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should grow up. Finding other women enticing doesn't mean you don't love your wife. It means you are human. It also means that the little tingles you got when you were first married are gone. This is normal. You will have the same problem with ANY woman.
If however you cannot be happy with her, don't waste another minute of her life. I feel very sorry for her.
2007-11-01 15:31:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Leave Her. Don't drag it on and make it worse. Give her a chance to get over you and find someone else and be happy. Hopefully you have no guilt, because it's just part of life. If you learned from this experience you are better for it. Glad to hear you didn't have an affair. Good Luck.
2007-11-01 15:34:07 · answer #6 · answered by Mr.Ed 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to her and maybee just take some time apart for a little while then talk again and see where you land mayb you will love her more after that time apart or And you won't love her at all but do not have and affair or you will never have a chance of being friends or getting her back if you do love
2007-11-01 15:35:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that if you truly love your wife, you should find out what the root of the problem is. What makes her so (seemingly) unattractive to you now? Tell her how you feel and see where she stands. Also, something I have learned from being married for 7 years (and now divorced) don't leave someone you love for someone you like, because the person you like is going to leave you for someone they love. Make sense?
2007-11-01 15:31:43 · answer #8 · answered by bonstermonster20 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Ok you are being honest here and it's so sad it has to end this way, did you feel this way before you got married?? Next time do not get married, you have hurt another person due to the wandering eye.
2007-11-01 15:33:35 · answer #9 · answered by kim t 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest you talk with her about it. You could possibly take a break, you could date some other women, find out if you really want someone else or if you're just bored sexually. If you're just looking at other women sexually you might want to think about 3sums if you haven't ever brought it up before. It's a great way to get other women without having to break it off with your wife.
2007-11-01 15:36:56 · answer #10 · answered by AnonOne 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋