Underlying belief that somehow sex is bad....?

Question

Do you ever feel this way and why? Why is sex so bad? Why are people made to feel ashamed about it....or deem it as "unappropriate" more than most others things in life? It still holds a bit of a taboo-ness about it.......even today.

Also, why do women feel TAKEN from or USED when a guy has sex with them? Shouldn't they feel desired...in a way? Why is it that women experience the "used" feeling, when most guys ...do not? Is it because...being the "catcher" or on the "receiving" end (physicality of actual sex) that you feel more taken from...because physically you weren't really giving...just receiving it...hence feeling "used"? (hope that makes sense)
Or is it all biological?

I've had this discussion with men and women and it always ends without real answers. No one knows. It's a strange thing. Thanks for your input though!

Damn...awesome answer monarch butterfly.

Answer 1

Dear Brandi,

Sex is one of life's great treasures ! There is nothing inherently bad about it. However, engagement in sex has emotional risks, physical risks, and the potential consequence of pregnancy.

How we feel about sex, post coitus, is a function of our emotional programming. Women or men, may feel used, because they are being sexually exploited. Women, may feel used more often, than men, because they may be exploited, more often then men. They may also, may be more aware, more sensitive to the exploitation than a man.

Sexual exploitation occurs, whenever the sex is about fulfilling the wants and needs of one partner, without due consideration of the other. Women can be as insensitive, unresponsive, selfish and egocentric as men.

Larry

Answer 2

Although this goes back a lot further, the residual negativity about sex in our contemporary society pretty much comes from the early Christian church.
Dominent religio/political figures have always seen the feelings that arise between men and women as "competition". They wanted their followers devotion dedicated STRICTLY to THEM and no one or nothing else!

Up until the middle-ages, priests had wives and families just like lay-people. (In fact, some of the early Popes ascended to the position through inheritance almost like a royal throne.)

I think it was in the 11th or 12th century that one of the high-ranking, misogynistic Bishops (or maybe it was a Pope) decided that a man's devotion to his wife and children conflicted with his devotion to the church, and the doctrine of celebacy within the Catholic church was born.

A truly sociopathic personality cannot STAND for others to have something that he, himself, cannot have - even if it is nothing more than his own repressed attitudes that is keeping him from having it. (It would not even be inaccurate to say "ESPECIALLY" if it is nothing more than his own repressed attitudes that is keeping him from having it!)

A close psycho/emotional relative of this type is the sociopath who CAN have and enjoy something, but feels that he must keep it to himself and the chosen few he considers to be his peers - if, indeed, he grants that status to anyone at all - and cannot stand the thought of "just anyone" having it. He has a real compulsion to guard what he considers to be his own exclusive priviledge, and will go to any lengths to do so. He's the guy who passes laws for EVERYONE ELSE to live under, but considers himself to be above obeying them, himself.
Because these types LOVE to exert authority over others, they were, in the distant past (still ARE and always WILL BE) attracted to those situations and positions in life that give them that authority.
Back when there was NO separation of church and state, when religion RULED, it was a powerful magnet for people like this. To some extent, it still is, but since the separation of church and state, "politics" has probably surpassed it on the power-hungry sociopaths' menu of ambitions.

So THERE you have the roots of the "sex is evil" viewpoint.

As to a woman feeling "used" by a man:
Due to the physical mechanics of sex, many would consider it a far more intimate experience for a woman than for a man. The risks are all on HER side. SHE's the one who can get pregnant. SHE's the one who can be socially ostracised and harshly judged for having unmarried sex, or becoming an unwed mother. (While there ARE names for promiscuous men, there is no male equivalent to the insult and degradation carried by a word like "sl-t".)
Because of this, she is naturally more reluctant to have sexual relations outside of a marriage or an affectionate and mutually respectful relationship.
Therefore, a less-than-sensitive guy who just wants physical sex with no emotional ties is likely to lead her on with the false pretense of feelings he doesn't really have - in order to make her comfortable with the idea of granting him the physical intimacy he wants.
When she finds out, of course she feels "used" - because she WAS!
This is an all too common scenario in our "anything goes", society where the oxy-moronic term "casual sex" has become an ingrained part of our social vocabulary.

Savingn sex for marriage is not necessarily a viable option in today's social culture, but keeping it within the bounds of an affectionate and mutually respectful relationship can not only protect both parties from deadly STDs (Sexually Transmitted Diseases) but ward off a lot of unnessary emotional enturbulation, as well.

Answer 3

Sex is biologically designed to create offspring. Having it outside of marriage risks pregnancy which, in turn, risks an unstable and substandard life for the possible child. By having extramarital sex, you are therefore risking endangering a child's life. To ignore that consideration is selfish and immoral.

Perhaps women are instinctively aware of that fact and, when abandoned afterwards, feel as though their future was endangered by somebody who did not take that risk (and therefore the woman herself) into consideration.

Answer 4

i don't think its bad at all. i've never had an issue of feeling used just b/c i'm a woman. in fact, i've been the user on more than one occasion. and it is definitely not a taboo subject if you watch any movies or TV. we're the only mammals who have sex for fun and not just procreation.