He took our daughters on holiday to his home for 2 weeks and while they were with him he sent me a text saying that he had got a new girlfriend. The text read that he didnt want to introduce the girls to his new girlfriend as he didnt feel the time was right and there feelings were his prority so he was not going to see her for the duration of their stay, fair enough I thought, anyway they came back last night and I have learnt that they spent the best part of 2 weeks with this lady and her son, but that isn't what has annoyed me, he has told my eldest daughter not to tell me. My daughter can't keep a secret from me I thought he would have known that of her by now, but I can't say anything to him now and I am livid. What would you do, should i just leave it.
2007-11-01 08:23:39 · 26 answers · asked by jo 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
splashde wtf are you going on about, we are not together anymore he finished with me 3 months ago, read my question properly then you might know what Im going on about. He is my husband, we are seperated but still married.
2007-11-01 08:34:53 · update #1
Oh sure hope you meant your "EX HUSBAND"....
It would have been nice if you had told everyone first that you and your husband were separated...we can't freaking read your mind woman!!! At any rate...I agree with you...I would be annoyed as well if the man that I was still married to would ask my daughter to keep a secret from me...... Your children shouldn't even be introduced to your husband's interest so soon after your separation....I would definitely talk to him....and voice your concerns...
2007-11-01 08:31:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have suspicions, do NOT question. If something IS going on, you are only asking to be lied to. Secondly, usually when someone gets angry at a question and attacks you ("You don't trust me"), it's a diversionary tactic. Take the focus off them and attack you so you stop asking the question. Why? Because you won't like the answer .. because they are probably doing just what you think they are. This is very common ... UNLESS EVERYTHING gets him upset and he is always verbally attacking you, in which case this is merely how he is. Does he get mad when you ask him what he wants for dinner? for instance. So he's pissed off. Let him be. If he IS in the wrong, the guiltier he can make you feel, and the longer he stays mad at you, the less danger he is in of being discovered. Because he can keep you way too distracted by trying to get him to stop being angry. Book an appointment with the marriage counsellor for both of you. If he refuses to go, YOU go without him. It will be worth it, either way.
2016-04-01 23:01:34 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am totally assuming you mean your EX husband? That being the case I would blow it off, you can't control what he does when he has the kids if it isn't threatening to them. When kids go through a divorce they eventually figure it out that mom and dad are going to date other people, hopefully your ex had sense enough not to spend the night with this lady and his kids, that would teach them a very bad example. I would just let it go though and talk to your kids about right and wrong. By talking with your ex you are just going to get all worked up and argue and in the end nothing will be accomplished except you feeling exhausted and more angry. Remember one thing................There is no cure for stupid!!
2007-11-01 08:32:57 · answer #3 · answered by LilSunbeam 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you get on his nerves too?
Sounds like you need a few lessons on basic communication and you should be directing your communication to your husband.
For you to leave over a miscommunication and misunderstanding is ridiculous. Will you leave every marriage (you'll be married 10 times) when you are "pissed off"? Or when you can't communicate or work out something?
What happened to your vows? Or is your emotions and feelings so self-perserving that someone other than yourself makes no difference?
I recommend you break out of the selfsishness and built up resentment and anger you seem to have, and see a marraige counselor together to salvage your marriage.
I truly hope you somehow, some way, learn the value of marriage and committment before you ruin many lives.
2007-11-01 08:30:17 · answer #4 · answered by splashdesign238 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First of all. I empathize with you for what you are dealing with. If you are still married to this man you need to find an attorney and file for divorce. Have enough respect for yourself and show your girls that this is NOT how you allow yourself to be treated and this is not how marriage works. He has made it clear by his choices that he does not care enough about you or his children and he only cares about himself. Do you WANT to be with a man who lies and cheats? If so, why? You and your daughters deserve to be treated with love and respect. I wish you well. It will be a tough road ahead but you will be OK. Put your trust in the Lord Jesus Christ and He will see you through. Seek wise counsel. If I can go through it and still come out alive anyone can. I could not have done it without Jesus. NO WAY!
2007-11-01 08:35:49 · answer #5 · answered by pkgfinder 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I've been in your shoes! It pissed me off too. First of all I told my daughter that secrets were not good to keep from her Mother or her Father. I told her there was nothing in this world that she couldn't tell me or her dad, keeping secrets just makes you hurt inside. Then after I had an opportunity to be away from my child and I could call him, I let him have it! Basically I asked him why he would want to teach our daughter to be a liar and he better not mention a word of it to her or I would take him back to court for not being a resposible adult. I was totally like you, it wasn't the content of the secret that made me angry but the fact that she was told to keep something from me.
2007-11-01 08:46:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your ex husband??
I would be pissed too.
Your daughters do NOT need to meet any girlfriends (or boyfriends) until there is an engagement ring involved. They don't need people flitting in and out of their lives.
And it is NEVER okay for someone to ask your child to keep a secret from you. He should have just been honest with you.
You need to have a serious discussion with him and let him know where you stand.
2007-11-01 08:37:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You gotta tell him.
You have to very coldly inform him that this kind of deception is not good for your daughters or your rapport with him either. Tell him you understand that he might have trouble discussing it with you, and it would be better for the two of you to be on the same page, rather than involve the children in deception.
Stay matter of fact, and say as little as possible.
Let your daughters know you are going to discuss it with him, but NEVER LOSE YOUR COOL.
Once your kids feel comfortable lying to EITHER of you, it's game over.
2007-11-01 08:36:38 · answer #8 · answered by mithril 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, he is a big jerk. But you knew that, that is why he is the EX. I wouldnt do a dang thing. Tell your daughter that you are glad she told you. Act like it doesnt bother you. Choose your battles. ( for example, if the lady is a druggy or something, then bring out the heavy ammo). But, calling up beetching about his actions ( while tacky are legal) will do no good and create drama. Hold your fire. Be a bigger person.
2007-11-01 08:33:05 · answer #9 · answered by undone 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
When you say husband, do you mean ex husband? If not, you certainly shouldn't just leave it. You should hire a lawyer immediately and file for divorce granting you full custody and child support. If he is your ex, you should calmly discuss the situation with him and come to an agreement as to when it is appropriate to introduce a new significant other into either relationship.
2007-11-01 08:30:38 · answer #10 · answered by countrygent07 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋