My husband and i have been married for four years and have 2 children. He has lost about 5 jobs since we have been married and all for the same reasons. About 2 days to a week into the job he starts singing the same song--"My boss is intimidated by me becuz i know more, or " the way they do things is backwards, my way is better", or " i'm bored"..he never quits, but always gives the employer a reason to fire him. If he doesnt like the job, he wont stay. I have taken care of the family since we have been together and have grown tired. I tried explaining to him that he needs to swallow his pride and work for the sake of me and the kids but he wont listen. Im tired. We have a mortgage and other bills that are way too much for me to do by myself. I wont to just stop and let it all fall apart....how else can i get him to understand that i am sick and tired of this....is there any hope?..
2007-11-01 07:50:13 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There is always hope. Think back to other situations in your life when you felt hopeless, and then something happens or you make things happen. Situations improve when you are working toward improvement or at least have faith in improvement.
Sounds like he has a personality that is incapable of "swallowing pride". I would guess that it's a defense mechanism that he's developed due to a fear of failing. Look back at key relationships and events in his life and you might find a clue as to why he does this. It won't change until HE looks back and tries to understand why he does this. The sad thing....he probably won't do this because he find fault in others, not himself. It's catch-22...and that sure can make YOU feel hopeless.
Your choice is to have faith that something will come along for him that will fit his personality (self employment...maybe some kind of sales thing)...or some other circumstance will develop to change this situation.
I would say, don't let the man put you all in the poor house. I think that almost every man should understand that if his family is near bankrupt, he should do everything to keep a job when he has it.
2007-11-01 08:05:46 · answer #1 · answered by ∞ sky3000 ∞ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
there is no hope as long as you take card of the family and he can get away with this. Pack up the children and move out!
He is acting like a child and you have 2 already to raise so you don't need another one. He will either get a job and keep it or keep on acting like a jerk so either way you will know what to do.
I suspect though a divorce is the only answer since if he cared for you and loved you he would help make money for the two of you instead of letting you do it all!
2007-11-01 08:07:09 · answer #2 · answered by Al B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He needs it made clear to him that when he has a family, his work isn't all about his personal glory and sense of how bloody marvellous he is, it's fundamentally and most importantly something that has to be done to provide for his family. Nothing wrong with searching for the job of his dreams, where everyone gets to see that he's the most intelligent and talented being ever created (if he's as great as he thinks he is, why is he not IN his dream job rather than only being employed in jobs he doesn't think are good enough for him, hmm? No offence to the man, but really... pathetic), but while he's doing that, he needs to be working at something - anything! who gives two s***s whether he deems the job worthy of him! - that will bring in money to your household so that he can contribute to it.
I'd find it very, very hard to have any respect for a guy like that, and it sounds like your respect for him is wearing thin, too. Does it not matter to him that he's lost/losing the respect of his wife, because of the way he's behaving? Ask him...
2007-11-01 08:24:53 · answer #3 · answered by marmiteontoast 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should. Your husband seem to be a don't care as long as he know you are there to keep on providing while he is a self centered. Most people work jobs that they don't like them but they have no choice to continue working until they find something better. So Unless he finds someone to sit down with him and explain into details and correct his ambitius behavior, he won't change. Myself graduated from college with accounting, yet I never got a chance to be an accountant, I became engineer, turned to sales and marketing, turns to security networking, sale agents and now back at security industry. From engineering I earned $10.90/hr, laid off. sales and marketing-$550.00/week, Security networking, $13.75/hr company was relocated, back doing security, $11.00/hr, back into sales upto $1200.00/week potential and back to security industry for $24.00/hour with 25 hrs avarage overtime while doing legal studies and I have twoyears to go. At my work its very very boring, just me alone monitoring CCTV for two building a mile away across the street and in anyone come to the buliding after 11:00pm. s/he has 10 minutes to scan there badge and enter the building or else I will simply call the cop to check out for me. If an alarm comes up it rings on the cell phone as a text.If it a forced entry still i will call a cop. Other than that employees(75-100 emloyess a night) call to check in at mid night and after 5:00 am and it take me less than 30 min to complete the payrol.
So your husband relies on you and he don't see anything wrong with it unless you step to put a stop to it. Either you have a clear better understandable communication with him and understand that whenever he get a job, he has to lower himself like the rest of the employee untill he get something better that he wants without loosing time as time is money. If he don't do sometihing that he would understand where you are comming from
2007-11-01 14:35:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
All of those things he says might be true; however, he may need to play his cards close to the vest.
One question: does he pay the bills or do you? or both of you? I suspect if he was the one paying the bills each month, his tune might change a little.
If that doesn't seem to do much for him, has he ever considered being self-employed? Only one task master to answer to then. Then he can't be intimidating to the boss because he is the boss. With kind regards...Finn.
2007-11-01 08:08:41 · answer #5 · answered by Finn 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No there isn't- and men like this(and I use the word "men" loosely here) rarely, if ever change.
You are in a Catch-22 because even though you have to work to care for your children, its ENABLING HIM TO BE A BUM!!!
I feel sorry for you. I bet those kids are very small and you feel trapped.
This lazy toe-toed tree sloth needs to be PROVIDING for his family! That is HIS ROLE as HUSBAND!
2007-11-01 07:59:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him that if love the fam he shound do the right thing or tell him to get the **** out and find some one who can do right.
2007-11-01 08:05:02 · answer #7 · answered by bigmike 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋